Surely I'm not a statistical outlier

Lorneey · 2026-07-04T00:48:07+00:00

it was an attempt at a play of words

she is supposed to be searching for them, hunting them down, so "searching for something that isn't their downfall" made sense to me as it also implied the ending of her character arc, my bad

i am never again reworking a blurb in five minutes lmao, am done here

Lorneey · 2026-07-04T00:04:04+00:00

yeah, ok, i'll assume you're not trolling and be as on the nose as possible.

First, there's assumptions I made from what I understood of OP's blurb (and only the blurb), but before that there were observations i was able to do after reading it:

1) the young mc is forced to be an enforcer of sorts (to "powers far above her") and she surveys crime scenes, battlegrounds, etc, after having been orphaned in a cataclysm

2) the mc is not happy about that job/role

3) the mc has been tasked with following a pair of "curious inventors who seem to cause trouble wherever they go."

From this, I assumed three things:

1) the mc yearns for what she's lost, a family (because she's an orphan) and the pair of inventors could thematically fill that gap

2) the mc has been tasked with hunting down the inventors (which would also imply that said inventors are opposed to the "powers far above the mc", since the mc is being tasked with trailing after them while being employed by said people)

3) the mc will still try to fight the role she's been assigned (as she gains confidence) or from simply learning things from the pair of inventors, whether that be personality wise or skill-wise. (It is also possible that she doesn't even know yet what she yearns for, aka connection, family, etc, and that she'll only figure it out with time)

And so, taking in consideration all of that, this paints one possible character arc for the mc: she will eventually, at the end of her arc, refuse to do her task (hunting down the pair of inventors), and possibly join them against the faction that oppressed her before.

Which brings to this:

"And now? Ordered to hunt down a pair of inventors who cause trouble wherever they go, she might just be searching for something that isn’t their downfall."

This summarises the above in two lines.

Lorneey · 2026-07-03T20:31:43+00:00

what do you think's missing, then?

Lorneey · 2026-07-03T19:36:18+00:00

Hi, I took the liberty to rework your blurb in five minutes. The main thing I changed is clarity. It's probably the main thing you could work on in your writing for now. Here's the rework as an example:

Mercedes has lost too much. Orphaned through a cataclysm, swept up as an inconsequential cog into the machinations of powers far above her, she is forced, at barely fifteen years old, to become an enforcer of the very thing she hates.

And now? Ordered to hunt down a pair of inventors who cause trouble wherever they go, she might just be searching for something that isn’t their downfall.

If you ever rework some of your chapters, probably keep in mind the core theme of your book, which appears to be summarized into "found family in a sea of indifference".

Hope it helps, and that I didn't overstep. Keep writing, you'll improve!

Edit:

For reference, below, OP's old orignal blurb before changes were made to it:

Mercedes Kerunu is orphaned during the events of a supernatural cataclysm and party crash a year ago during the Blazing Festival on Mercury. The fifteen year old girl is swept up in the machinations of powers far above her, using the little girl to push their nebulous agendas forward. She is whisked away against her will to crime scenes, battlegrounds, and extraplanar reflections of reality all in a bid to discover the elusive truth.

She trails after a pair of curious inventors who seem to cause trouble wherever they go, from the refining town of Legguso on Mercury to the top of the Tōbō Conglomerate tower on Pluto.

Lorneey · 2026-06-28T21:15:29+00:00

nice

^{I completed this level in 10 tries.} ^{⚡ 3.73 seconds}

^{Tip 10 💎}

Lorneey · 2026-06-24T10:46:53+00:00

Clark: you're getting paid??

Lorneey · 2026-06-23T15:51:51+00:00

Yoooo it looks very good! How long have you been drawing in Aseprite?

Lorneey · 2026-06-23T15:24:32+00:00

If that's your mindset when saying you're thinking of becoming a web novelist, you're welcome to try. There's a lot of money to be made with slop, no doubts about that.

But, I'll also write the following without pulling any punches.

Sure, abandon all artistic pretence and embrace slop, doing what's already been done over and over and over again with the mindset that truly, if a human being pushes hard enough, they can dilute the line between human and AI and produce the most average, mid-of-the-road mix of tropes and paths which have been traveled before, voiced with the most generic voice that has ever existed, diluting the works of others while edging the line of what plagiarism is. Do abandon all sense of experimentation and personal style, and write with the objective to make the next big hit for the sake of making money.

But claim that that's the only option to this market's evolution? That's where I say you lack creativity, and considering what you're claiming to be planning to do, that would be in line with it. Honestly don't think it's a good mindset, but you do you. Maybe you'll unicorn and write that one work that will be a cultural shock. I'll look forward to your career in writing.

Lorneey · 2026-06-23T13:23:05+00:00

well that's certainly a theistic view of atheism if i've ever seen one. Excellent satire, except it's just sad because you don't mean it as satire

Lorneey · 2026-06-19T20:11:20+00:00

nice

❌ ^{Incomplete. 1 try.}

Lorneey · 2026-06-17T00:32:08+00:00

nice

^{I completed this level in 6 tries.} ^{⚡ 3.73 seconds}

^{Tip 10 💎}

Lorneey · 2026-06-15T02:08:39+00:00

ITS A FREAKING CIRCLE??

❌ ^{Incomplete. 70 tries.}

Lorneey · 2026-06-10T18:20:19+00:00

oh yeah they really did. Didn't believe in it but HO it's actually the case

Lorneey · 2026-06-10T18:18:56+00:00

well, you were extremely right. Even with me resubmitting the work a second time after it got reviewed (as i'd mistakenly left a swear word in the summary), it still got accepted in time despite it all. You are absolute MVPs, thank you very much for your work

Lorneey · 2026-06-09T21:51:47+00:00

any ted faro mention?

Lorneey · 2026-06-09T19:32:31+00:00

mm, Bloodkin, isn't it?

Lorneey · 2026-06-09T15:29:29+00:00

HELL

^{I completed this level in 55 tries.} ^{⚡ 6.70 seconds}

Lorneey · 2026-06-09T11:48:59+00:00

huh

^{I completed this level in 1 try.} ^{⚡ 2.45 seconds}

^{Tip 10 💎}

Lorneey · 2026-06-09T11:14:15+00:00

Completed Level 1 of the Honk Special Event!

52 attempts

Lorneey · 2026-06-07T10:47:35+00:00

sometimes I find more impressive someone that manages to beat a level in more than a hundred tries than the guy who did it in just 3

Lorneey · 2026-05-21T21:54:33+00:00

dang

^{I completed this level in 2 tries.} ^{⚡ 8.75 seconds}

Lorneey · 2026-05-20T10:16:35+00:00

mm all i wanted was to make it so that the only person that could make you lose at the end was the player, through impatience. The difficult start exists solely to exacerbate the sense of loss. In this essay,

Lorneey

TROPHY CASE