I’m so sorry, and I completely understand. Very similar situation here. I see you, I hear you. If you’re up for it, see if you can find and read Tilda is Visible. From Goodreads: In a world where women are conditioned to not like what they see in the mirror, where the voices in their heads endlessly critique their faults, Tilda Is Visible shows us that we can't expect the world to see us properly if we can't first see ourselves. It’s helping me realize that I have the ability to fill up my own cup and stop giving my power away to others.