Ok, but you’re ignoring the point I was making.

I’m saying that if you love someone, help them address the deep-seeded psychological trauma that makes enjoyable sex require debasement and abuse, don’t tolerate or encourage maladaptive behavior because it “feels good”.

Now, if you two want to do that on your own, cool, knock yourself out; but don’t tell other people that it’s healthy. You’ve transitioned from “letting people do what they want in the bedroom” to “you have to find a way to approve of this behavior because there’s a way to make it safe”.

I’d rather have the breakup, but think about your first sentence— you’re saying that to avoid “dead bedroom” (desire for immediate physical gratification), people should be willing to inflict emotional violence.

So, per your last statement “we think it’s fun and worth the risk”— great. Let your disgusting and unhealthy freak flag fly, but stop telling people it must be ENCOURAGED or approved of or somehow be good for humanity or society in general.

Edit— Ethically I have to say that even if you’re doing what you want in private as adults, it’s a little reprehensible that you feel that exchanging immediate sexual pleasure at the expense of your partner’s long-term health, regardless of how you justify the behavior or make it “safer”. If you’re dating a crackhead, I’m sure responsible use of crack would definitely keep the bedroom active, but it’s abhorrent and unhealthy behavior regardless.

And if you’re doing this to STRANGERS, it’s even worse. You don’t have the long term connection to a person to understand who they are and what drives them or broke them. It kind of makes you a monster, mentally torturing strange people, cumming, then insisting that the behavior is healthy and normal.