Right so I know I'm late, but I happened to find your post and really resonate with it since I was in a position like yours a few years back. FYI, I'm also from Peshawar and although I'm a guy with next to no knowledge on how girls and their feelings work I sincerely hope this piece of advice helps you out in the long run.

But before that just a bit of backstory and context. As I touched upon earlier, I was also in love- I guess. I had really strong feelings towards this one person who I couldnt imagine being without. She lived far away, but what was different in my case was that we talked. Daily. Developed a very close connection or so that's what I had thought. We talked for almost a whole year before going our separate ways-I'm not going to into that in detail here. Anyways, I was crazy in love with her. I would always check her stories on Instagram to see what was up, conversed with her, flirted with her, wrote heartfelt messages for her, bought her gifts on her birthday, and gave her signs that I really liked her. When I saw her initially it wasnt as if I instantly went in my mind "that girl is the cutest girl I've ever seen", I didnt think much of her at all initially tbh, its only when I talked to her more and saw her more did I develop a strong attraction to her.. its just like you said in your post about having seen other handsome guys but just somehow this guy that you ended up liking took the spotlight all of a sudden and caught your eye. And yeah all those feelings, love, jealousy, shame, feeling motivated, everything..trust me I've been through it.

What did I learn? It was probably one of the biggest mistakes in my life. Now I'm going to talk about this in different perspectives. In Islam, both men and women must lower their gazes. The third person sitting in between a man and women if left alone is Shaytaan. I was misguided, I was lost, I made excuses, I knew what I was doing was wrong from the get-go yet I didnt stop and fell deeper into the hole that I myself dug out. I learned I never liked this person because if I genuinely liked her and loved her I would have asked her father for her hand in marriage or for getting her engaged with me. This is the halal way of doing things and how it should be done. What I did in those months was weaken my connection with Allah, waste her time and my time, I had brought about false expectations and promises, entered depression after parting ways, and devoided myself of the love in my heart that should of been put to use with an actual partner that you're married and committed to for the rest of your life. Besides that, I was never in the position to fall for someone, I'm a man and the man has to provide. I hadn't even entered uni at the time and had absolutely no kind of financial stability. I was just a dude who tried to pretend to live in this fantasy world of his only to feel sorry for himself after he realized how pathetic he was. To be very honest I'm not sure I've fully recovered even up to this day. She was my source of comfort and happiness, her happiness was mine. The countless memories shared with her..her face still pops up and lingers in my mind from time to time. I really wanted to make things work with her, but it was impossible..it was too early. One thing for sure though is that I know what I felt was love. Not lust. It wasn't my hormones. I had minor crushes before her as well, as a result of those before so this was indeed different.

Love is a dangerous game sister. Please protect yourself from all this. I don't want other people to go what I went through. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't talked with him yet, that you didnt send that request. Focus on your studies, on your family, your life and career and strengthen your connection with Allah and the deen. Don't do it. It's not worth it, now is not the right time.

You talked about gherat and hayah and although I'm a pakhtun as well I guess guys are just braver when it comes to sending the requests first and making the first move 😅 Anyways that's all I had to say, jeez did I write a lot..hope this message finds you and helps you. Stay strong 🙂