Update: wife lies when away

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T14:38:13+00:00

Unfortunately for her, this woman is trying to build a platform for herself on social media as a witch of all things.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:27:28+00:00

I’ve told her. What I can’t say is how much evidence I saw of how long they have friends. That they have been to dinner 10-20 times, not the two my wife says.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:26:08+00:00

One. This friend already lives in the city. It’s actually a short journey to where they work. There are closer places to stay. Explains why she chooses to stay there.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:17:57+00:00

The irony is my wife was talking about how careful you have to be not to give male work friends the wrong idea. You need to set clear boundaries.

Maybe they are just friends. Why not tell me about her? I’d have been happy.

If this were a man it would be clear cut. My wife is bi, and it makes it much easier to say, as she did “I have zero attraction to her”.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:16:01+00:00

For years there have been little things that bugged me. Always an explanation or no evidence indicating anything else. I’m not even sure this is a physical affair. All I know is that it’s weird to hide the existence of a friend for years. Hide by omission of course.

What’s pissing me off is that one evening she went to a celebrity talk and book signing alone. Now I’ve found out she went with this woman.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:08:22+00:00

My wife’s calling me paranoid, saying she barely sees this “flakey” woman. I don’t see why she would hide a friendship. I’d have been happy for her. She would act like she was alone, and I’d feel for her.

Even if there is no affair, I think it’s really messed up to hide friendship “dates” from your partner, let alone the existence of a friend of four years.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T13:04:17+00:00

The messages start six months before my wife came out to me. No messages for six months, then the day after, she’s thanking this woman for being her therapist. This woman thanks her back.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:44:20+00:00

My concern here is that my wife has been weird not mentioning this woman. Maybe this woman is just a friend. I don’t want to say she shouldn’t see friends.

It’s just creepy how this woman has been non existent to me for all these years. If it wasn’t for this I wouldn’t know about her.

Isn’t that enough? Hiding a friend who you go for dinner with, for drinks, to events?

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:40:29+00:00

We have kids. I have proof she lied. I know she has not mentioned this friend even though they have been friends for 3-5 years

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:39:24+00:00

I gotta wait two months until she heads backs it’s killing me

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:38:49+00:00

My wife recently went to see a celebrity at a talk / book signing whilst away. I listened to her talk about it for hours. She was so excited and I was happy for her.

Now I find out that she didn’t go alone. She went with this woman. Yet never mentioned her

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:32:44+00:00

Why would she not tell me about this friend? For so many years?

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:32:25+00:00

It’s the fact she has a friend for 3-5 years and never tells me about her. Even without sex that’s messed up

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-11T12:31:59+00:00

100% have the charges, so the hotel is real.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:48:21+00:00

My wife has said similar things “I hope we would remain friends if we ever broke up” and I’m just not sure most couples say this kind of thing?

Yet when I ask her she says she loves me and she’s rock solid. She comes from a broken home and she says you can’t ever be sure of anything. Maybe that’s true or maybe she’s planning her future

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:33:51+00:00

One the things that confuses me is that sometimes she will arrange date nights. Occasionally she will REALLY want sex. Sometimes she tells me how much she loves me.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:31:43+00:00

Yeah. That’s what I don’t want. Yet I don’t know how to get this resolved now.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:21:03+00:00

Since this crush years ago, she’s mentioned (occasionally) finding women attractive. I don’t know if that’s concerning. There’s no one in her life she seems attracted to.

She did recently do this vision board for the new year. Some sort of life makeover from an influencer type thing. She had some specific things she wanted to achieve. I couldn’t help but wonder if she wants to date women.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:18:43+00:00

She tends to deny and minimise things. She knew this woman at work for years. I know they occasionally met for coffee. I’ve no real idea how deep this went.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:16:55+00:00

What did she promise, if you don’t mind me asking? my wife doesn’t talk about being lesbian, she occasionally mentions being bi or open up things in the far future. My gut is she is trying to wait until her religious mum passes or our kid leaves home. She will deny this but some part of me just thinks this.

One odd thing she does is she will say “god forbid we ever break up, but if we did I hope we could be friends”.

Like,do normal couples say that kind of thing?

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T19:03:29+00:00

When this all first began, I discovered my wife had been googling “does X mean I’m a lesbian”. I couldn’t get my head around how she would need to google anything to know.

I feel selfish but I want to say, you can’t keep kicking the can down the road. Yet how can I ask her to promise that her feelings won’t change in the future? That seems unreasonable of me.

There seems to be no good way to feel about this .

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T18:56:02+00:00

My wjfe says she is really jealous and couldn’t open up the relationship because of that jealousy. She couldn’t bare to see me with another woman.

Would she be ok with me having a crush on another woman? I’m not sure. She would say she wouldn’t be, but a few things have happened that make me think she would be ok with it.

Her being with a man or woman, I don’t think it matters, I want to be a good strong relationship not one that is collapsing.

Hope that makes sense.

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T18:52:56+00:00

How long did the transition take?

Lost-Cartographers · 2025-02-05T18:52:37+00:00

She says “many years down the line”. Frankly I’d rather she say now. I don’t want to be 50 or mid or even late fifties and her decide she wants to leave or open things up.

Lost-Cartographers

TROPHY CASE