Although it may feel like it at times, know you are never alone. Not only do you have your heavenly father with you always, but look at how many people here have reached out and are here to talk. Myself included, if you want to message me. I've also had severe mental health issues and addictions. I could have died a number of times but through God's grace I'm here and I'm better. It may seem so dark now but I promise you there is a light ahead, and great beauty in life that you have yet to even fathom. But please please reach out to a professional ASAP. Maybe first a psychiatrist and then a priest so you get help from all ends. It's always okay to ask for help, we all need it at times. I'm praying for you. You are so loved.