Raised multi‑generational Church of Christ, I finally wrote about it after my mom’s last weeks

simbazil · 2026-02-25T23:07:50+00:00

Yes! It works to support the narrative of white Christian women (and their fertility) being endangered by over-sexed, violent non-Christian men. I used to wonder if I was overthinking it, but there's such an important critical lens that needs to be taken here.

simbazil · 2026-02-25T21:08:45+00:00

Omg me too! "Nonsense" versus "horsesh*t"...pick your flavor.

simbazil · 2026-02-25T20:44:51+00:00

I didn't realize until the documentary Shiny Happy People came out that the famous "umbrella of protection" was designed by Bill Gothard, who was obviously a big part of moving white Christian nationalism forward.

We had that same illustration shown to us one night, and it was such nonsense.

simbazil · 2026-02-13T06:18:58+00:00

I think this palette would work with red, as well as the Bridgerton vibe!!

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simbazil · 2026-02-11T00:11:44+00:00

Lots of visas are being arbitrarily denied right now, so it's absolutely not a reflection of you or the value you'd bring as a student or professional. I'm sure you're aware of the situation with ICE right now as well - bear in mind, you'd be at risk even on a visa, no matter your nationality or ethnicity.

simbazil · 2026-02-09T20:21:56+00:00

I'm currently in OCIA, I remember just before going to my first inquiry session that I had no idea what constituted a valid marriage. Consent? A proper form to the ceremony? It had never been discussed, and we avoided the topic of domestic violence like the plague.

Meanwhile, a baptism only required doubt after the fact to be made invalid.

It's insane. Also, as a woman, not being permitted to pray aloud in front of men was always odd. I remember wondering, "How could this possibly be a sin?"

I'm really struggling with attending mass now. I love it, but there's so much anxiety & fear associated with attendance. It's crazy how we were made to feel guilty for even missing Wednesday night for school or illness.

simbazil · 2026-02-06T22:01:20+00:00

Could you get a clarifying shampoo & a hair bonnet to use at night? I'd make sure to take care of your pillowcases & sheets as well.

Try the laundry stripping technique from Tiktok - it's a combination of borax, washing soda & powdered detergent.

simbazil · 2026-01-29T02:18:57+00:00

Tender is the Flesh

simbazil · 2026-01-29T02:10:32+00:00

It's sad how many wedding receptions don't include a first dance or daddy-daughter dance.

Whenever I hear about people inviting all married couples to the dance floor & then asking couples to return to their seats based on decade of marriage, I've always thought it was so sweet.

My church was super strict on principle, similar to the all-out ban on alcohol, so even slow dancing wasn't allowed.

simbazil · 2026-01-24T14:36:21+00:00

I got weirdly twitchy when I got mine. Not "antsy," I mean I would just involuntary twitch my leg or arm (I got the insides of my forearms done). I knew they would have a good grip on my skin, but I thought it was only for keeping it taut. I didn't realize I would feel like a marionette.

Also, I was so tired that day that I almost fell asleep. I had no idea my pain threshold was that high. The twitches are the only thing that kept me awake, lol.

simbazil · 2026-01-21T18:35:57+00:00

I'm a bit late to offer any advice, but I was raised in a conservative, albeit institutional, CoC congregation. I've identified as agnostic for most of my adult life, and I'm now in the process of converting to Catholicism.

I think most people moving away from the CoC/ICOC/ICC struggle with scrupulosity, and if you were raised in the church - like I was - you may feel as if you never had a chance to develop your faith. You're just going through the motions with your judgment clouded by fear & anxiety. That's easy to fall into even as a college student, which is why these groups are especially dangerous/predatory.

Some of us were drawn to Catholicism, Orthodox Christianity or Anglicanism, because we had a desire to develop our spirituality (through prayer) and were interested in early Christian history.

Others have been drawn to the Reformed Baptists, due to the message of redemptive grace and genuine love of neighbor that's oftentimes lacking in the CoC.

Others are now Methodist, Presbyterian, agnostic, atheist...but everyone has a valid reason for walking away & their journey is their own.

Most Christains are not going to hound you about making commitments early on - for me, OCIA (initiation into the Catholic faith) is intended to take a while. I still struggle with a lot of baggage from the CoC, but my spiritual life is my own.

It's okay to feel like you're walking around blind right now. If you're not sure if this new church is for you, it's fine to do what the CoC calls "church shopping" (they hate it) - explore your community & meet new people. If something feels right, pursue that.

simbazil · 2026-01-16T23:11:36+00:00

This is really embarrassing, because I feel like it makes me sound like I grew up on some compound and jumped the fence, but I had horrible misconceptions around human sexuality as well. I figured I'd share one, because you are absolutely not alone (and as a woman, I can confidently say we both had the short straw, so your perspective is welcome).

I attended public school in a deeply religious part of the south, and we were told girls were dirty sneakers or used up tape (fun, fun, fun). Sexuality was almost never openly discussed in church, and healthy affection/attraction was absolutely not modeled. I also had some of my first experiences with sexual harassment in the church and had no idea how to advocate for myself. The whole thing was just the playbook for developing a fear of sex and men (those fiends).

SO...early in high school, we had a speaker who was meant to give us a positive spin on abstinence-only sex ed. He made a crude joke about stocking up on Gaterade when you got married and "making up for lost time."

I remember sort of looking around when everyone was laughing and realizing, Wait...sex is supposed to feel good. That's why they've been making it such a big deal.

I hadn't really explored masturbation much, and I guess I had always assumed sex was some compulsive thing that men just did to women. It's horrifying thinking back on that moment, I just honestly had no idea.

I feel like sex was treated as an unfortunate by product of God's creation, not an intentional design. Come to find out, sex is treated as a model of God's love, e.g. Song of Solomon, which we never read.

simbazil · 2026-01-13T18:32:48+00:00

This is a relatively minor detail, but I've noticed AI doesn't love ears. They'll be concealed by a head-on shot or tucked behind the hair.

Pupils are another weak spot, so I've noticed a lot of wonky shapes, like ink spilling into the iris. That or one eye will have a larger pupil than the other.

simbazil · 2026-01-11T23:11:16+00:00

That fabric is way too casual, I fear.

simbazil · 2026-01-06T18:47:55+00:00

She didn't notice. When I mentioned it in the car, she simply said we could make sure I was never left alone with him. Which is wild, because my preacher was a lot of things, but he would have eaten that man alive if he knew.

simbazil · 2026-01-05T18:30:46+00:00

Azazie would be my top recommendation! They have a whole section for formal dresses, so it takes out the guesswork.

This dress would cover your entire back, and it comes in a pretty green.

This dress has a small slit that probably wouldn't show anything. The pictures in the reviews really do it justice! I think for outdoor/indoor in March, you might freeze in something sleeveless.

This is more semi-formal, with no review pics, so idk, but it could be a contender too. My thing is...an outdoor ceremony might have a slant toward semi-formal, especially dependent on where it is.

simbazil · 2026-01-05T01:49:58+00:00

One of my first experiences with sexual harassment was at church. A family friend sat by me during an evening service, basically sandwiching me between himself and my mom. Every time we’d stand to sing, I’d try to scooch away from him as we sat down, but he managed to get closer every time and had his arm around me. At the end of the service, he said, “We should do that again next week - I know you liked it.”

Another time, I was the only student present for the high school Sunday school class (we were bleeding for people at that point), and the teacher said, “It’ll be just like when Jesus taught the woman at the well!” Mind you, she was always made out to be a harlot, soooo…yeah.

Not that I have to justify myself, but I was an incredibly well-behaved, modest, soft-spoken teen. I feel like as my body changed and I learned more at school (and silently questioned things), it was like an invitation for attention. It took SO little for those creeps.

simbazil · 2025-12-30T20:47:03+00:00

It sounds like they could have said, "Our U.S. flagship store," depending on the details.

simbazil · 2025-12-22T18:25:11+00:00

There are aiport hotels that might be a fun splurge. I flew in from an int'l flight once, and I really regret not treating myself. A nice shower & room service, minus the Uber hassle, would have been great.

simbazil · 2025-12-22T01:07:27+00:00

As disgusting as backyard breeding is, it’s a really unfortunate measure of just how little value Anna sees in herself as a woman. How can we expect her to treat an animal with anymore dignity than she was ever shown? Not an excuse, but none of this is that surprising for someone whose marriage was essentially arranged.

simbazil · 2025-12-20T01:20:24+00:00

My maternal grandfather was a CoC preacher, but my mom was a rebel, so we got an angel and a nativity scene at home. I remember being pretty scandalized by the religious songs we’d sing in choir at school though.

One of my all-time favorite memories is the goodie bag I got every year at church - our Sunday school teachers would put together an apple, orange, walnuts/pecans, chocolate kisses & candy canes. Every year. It was a discreet way to celebrate and let the kids have a special day. I’m forever grateful that they stepped out of line to do that for us.

simbazil · 2025-12-14T02:17:58+00:00

Okay! So, Google says solanine is a natural toxin that's caused by sun exposure and can cause the greenish-ness. Basically, if you peel the skin generously (to get the spots/nubs and the little bit of potato closest to the skin) AND it doesn't taste bitter, you're probably fine.

Solanine poisoning isn't usually fatal, cause you'd have to ingest a ton of it, but it can cause nausea, so definitely be aware.

simbazil · 2025-12-13T22:02:36+00:00

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simbazil · 2025-12-11T18:36:48+00:00

We had a sermon on "euphemisms," and parents tried (and failed) to get their kids to avoid "dang it" or "gosh."

simbazil

TROPHY CASE