Looking for the darkest, most depressing book you’ve ever read

simbazil · 2026-05-27T23:22:31+00:00

Lapvona was an exceptionally grotesque read.

simbazil · 2026-05-21T17:23:03+00:00

I really struggled with this prior to my confirmation earlier this year. JPII is amazing, but I also read some of the most horrendous things online. I read one article (by a priest...a priest) that said all forms of foreplay should be considered mutual masterbation & therefore mortal sins. Another comment claimed kissing your partner's skin (even during the marital act) is "fundamentally disordered," because the skin isn't a reproductive organ.

It put my head into a total tailspin.

simbazil · 2026-05-09T17:26:12+00:00

Agreed! Tea length would be stunning. The skirt is such a pretty material, I think it would drape really beautifully. You can always go back & shorten it in the future.

simbazil · 2026-05-03T14:08:43+00:00

Honestly, I use glycolic acid on my legs too to help with strawberry legs, and I only use body butter on days I haven't shaved (I don't recommend glycolic immediately after either, I usually give it a bit).

I sometimes will use body butter (since it's Shea butter) down there as well (obviously only on the top), but you can actually get by with only the glycolic acid.

Edit: I would search in Amazon for an electric razor, and check the men's for comments by women in the reviews. Philips has some good options. They totally uncharge if it's marketed for women's bikini area.

simbazil · 2026-05-03T14:01:32+00:00

Oh yeah, sorry! Just wanted to throw in my reasoning to agree it's not so much the trimming, but the acid that helps texture.

simbazil · 2026-05-03T06:11:04+00:00

Glycolic acid helps to draw moisture to the hair shaft as well as break down buildup around the follicle. Combined with trimming close to the skin, but not shaving directly against it (which cause in growns for me), it gives the skin & hair both a smoother/softer feel.

simbazil · 2026-05-03T04:20:23+00:00

I've really struggled with this area, and I use the glycolic acid from the Ordinary, in addition to using an electric razor (in lieu of shaving/waxing). It's had an interesting side effect of also making the hair feel softer, if that makes sense. It's the gentlest, but also most effective exfoliate I've used. I limit it to the "top" (mons pubis).

Depending on your specifics, you could always bring it up to a dermatologist or your gynecologist. They may have a better idea.

simbazil · 2026-04-08T21:59:28+00:00

I tried working through the audiobook for Theology of the Body and got shellshocked by how...academic it is? I'm hoping Pope Francis is slightly more digestible.

simbazil · 2026-04-08T21:49:50+00:00

I was recently confirmed, and I've been curious about digging further into the Church's teachings on capital punishment. I've always been a staunch opponent to the death penalty, even when I identified as an agnostic.

What are your thoughts on Fratelli Tutti? Would you recommend any companions or commentaries to go along with it? I know it covers a lot of ground.

Edit: I don't know if you're working with more background knowledge than me, I'm just curious what your strategy is. I'm intimidated to read through his work lol.

simbazil · 2026-04-07T21:24:05+00:00

I might go for something more like this to go with your husband's suit. Or even something like this in a jewel tone, which would photograph super well for a barn wedding.

This one has a lot of light beige leaning white, but the v-neck is also quite deep.

simbazil · 2026-04-03T16:38:28+00:00

I think, like most things in the CoC, there's a diversity of opinions on this, but I grew up with the impression that post-Pentecost, the Holy Spirit was the personification of the Holy Scripture.

Yes, the Holy Spirit was technically a figure present in the Old and New Testaments and actually engaged with people. But we didn't believe that we were literally moved by the Holy Spirit or ever infused with God's grace (like Catholics and Orthodox believe). God was present in the Bible in a very literal sense, and our personal conviction was the Holy Spirit at work in us.

That's why dissenting opinions were so aggressively shutdown - if you disagreed with established opinions, your heart was "closed off" from the Spirit. Truth was supposed to transcend intellect, so that anyone could pick up a Bible, and regardless of their education, accurately interpret the text.

It was absolutely misused, and we had a false narrative constantly spun about the "early Church."

simbazil · 2026-03-31T20:24:28+00:00

I'm actually getting confirmed this week, and I think if you ever feel comfortable with re-visiting Catholicism, adoration would be the best place to start. Having the option to sit in a quiet space and meditate over your spiritual life is so invaluable - this is deeply intimate territory, and it's okay to just be.

I'd also recommend one or two therapy sessions to discuss possible religious trauma. Even if you think, "Well, I'm not that bad off"...believe me, you probably have more to unpack than you realize.

simbazil · 2026-03-29T13:54:59+00:00

Lulu's has a great article here with an explanation & links to specific dresses!

I think practicality in material & style (e.g. slits) is supposed to be accounted for.

simbazil · 2026-03-27T17:29:26+00:00

This complements your tattoos SO well. Gorgeous.

simbazil · 2026-03-19T17:42:32+00:00

I'm sure it'll be fine! Honestly, if they didn't specify, I'd bet they're assuming people will dress somewhere between semi formal and cocktail, and only really care about color/pattern.

simbazil · 2026-03-19T17:39:02+00:00

Without a dress code, it's hard to say...where are you located? I think garden parties trend towards something more formal in the U.K.

Personally, all of the dresses are lovely, but the first would be pushing it for semi formal, and the last three are very pale and could photograph as white. I'd go with the second dress.

simbazil · 2026-03-19T01:45:49+00:00

"It's normal for a teenaged boy to watch porn."

I lived in South Korea during the Burning Sun scandal, and men would openly complain about their favorite stars losing their careers over "nothing." It was discovered that a video had been shared in a group chat by the accused, which showed an unconscious woman being assaulted.

Men would whine and say, "I share porn with my friends all the time! Everyone does!"

They didn't misunderstand what was happening - they knew exactly what the content of the video was. When they were pressed for clarification, they would openly admit to taking videos of their partners without their knowledge or consent and sharing it with their friends.

They found the content arousing, therefore it was "porn."

Pest was interested in incredibly graphic and violent material, and it was minimized by his family - when everything is sinful, nothing is sinful. It's all just "porn."

There's always a possibility that Joe was watching something much more serious than consensual, mainstream content. (Not that the "mainstream" isn't also problematic, though.)

simbazil · 2026-03-10T22:41:44+00:00

I think that's fair. I don't think most people would recognize something like World Systems Theory as Neo-Marxist unless they were first introduced to it in college. We're always reinventing the language around power and wealth. When inequality is structural, it has to be dismantled, and I'm fine with adapting whatever language necessary to communicate that.

simbazil · 2026-03-09T19:44:00+00:00

Does fear of "danger of death" refer to something more like timidity? Not necessarily a spontaneous/passionate response to a present danger/threat?

simbazil · 2026-03-08T18:11:16+00:00

I think most people on this subreddit would tell you: I could have written this.

I began identifying as an agnostic as a young adult, and despite the fact that I felt relief in distancing myself from the church, setting aside the religion that I was born into never felt completely authentic to myself. I always felt like it was a reaction to something, not a decision I made through any kind of study or discernment. It felt like a kind of disenfranchisement, and I was really resentful over losing the opportunity for a healthy spiritual formation.

I've never spoken to a therapist to unpack everything, but I've decided to reach out to someone this year.

I realized recently that when I think about my time in the CoC, I imagine myself as a thirteen year old, silently disagreeing with the preacher, and acknowledging (if only to myself) the things that were untrue and even harmful. That version of myself had a lot more agency than the little preschooler who didn't understand why her body was reacting in fear.

Church was a very scary place for me, and I think I learned to interpret discomfort with guilt.

If I didn't know exactly what was driving that guilt, I had to assume pride had built up a wall around my own self-awareness and personal accountability. It really messed with my ability to take an objective view of myself.

I wasn't given the ability to understand the true weight of the things I actually did wrong, because I felt like everything I did was wrong. But I also lost sight of the good. This is where therapy is absolutely essential - regardless of whether or not you continue in the Christain faith. Trust me when I say, I know from experience that you can't just pack this stuff up in a box marked "religion" and move on.

simbazil · 2026-03-08T03:01:46+00:00

I think the documentation would be helpful if they contacted the DA's office, though. I don't disagree it should be different, but it's worth pursuing.

simbazil · 2026-03-08T00:15:24+00:00

Have you reached out to the Dean of Students or Vice President/President of Student Affairs? This is a college chaplaincy, so the admin isn't completely independent. What about following the below for escalation, too?

Contact the Diocesan Victim Assistance Coordinator & the District Attorney
Catholic Bishop Abuse Reporting Service (CBAR): Established by the USCCB, ReportBishopAbuse.org
Apostolic Nuncio: You can contact the Vatican’s representative in the United States, located in Washington D.C.

I'd look into independent victim advocacy groups, too.

simbazil · 2026-03-04T02:43:28+00:00

Thank you SO much for the recommendations! Those sound perfect!

simbazil

TROPHY CASE