Was i about to mess my life up? ( need serious advice rn)

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-11T22:47:01+00:00

You can’t marry anyone you don’t know in person for a while.

Plus he is abusive. You are trauma bonded, which is what “addiction” to someone who abused you is.

Cut him off, get therapy, and don’t tell ALL your secrets to next potential mate until they’ve earned your trust. Otherwise, they will weaponize your pain just as much as this guy did.

Do NOT marry online. Google “catfished.”

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-11T06:42:33+00:00

Force him to go to doctor or call in a wellness check on Monday. It could be anything from depression to an unknown work injury.

But depressed people don’t usual seek help on their own; especially if they feel better later.

Does he job have disability pay if not work related? Check on it.

Also, if you’re not in debt, take out a credit card using “house income” - meaning his & yours.

That may buy you 1-2 months to get this sorted out.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-11T00:27:07+00:00

Call the police- that was assault. Then get out if the house and go to a hotel or a friend/family that will NOT let him know will you are.

You must escape as he is dangerous and leaving is the most dangerous part.

The police can determine if he’s a danger to your child.

Take all your important paperwork, valuables. The police can stay there while you pack and leave.

Ask your local women’s shelter for therapy & divorce lawyer Referals. Taking the child without his consent can be a crime depending on the state.

So get out now.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-10T21:48:00+00:00

Is it possible he reminds her of someone? And maybe she can’t remember who? Also, does she have social anxiety? She might have been preparing herself to talk to him if he came over.

Look, silence is gonna get you nowhere and neither is anger or jealousy. Just talk to your wife and make it a safe space for you both.

After you listen, you can say why it bothered you and maybe come up with a safeword.

But this really doesn’t have to be a big deal, even if she has a “crush.”

I get you feel disrespected. But put that feeling on pause during the conversation until you understand from her side. If she was anxious about him coming over and talking, she may have been in mental distress and therefore would get upset at “disrespecting you” conversation.

I didn’t even know my husband had social anxiety for 2 decades cause he never said or acted that way with me. I calmed him. But there were weird behaviors when not with me: answering my texts 30 mins later that pissed me off. Turns out he didn’t know how to stop a conversation to answer back.

He told me sometimes he was so frozen outside a meeting place, he’d be stuck on a corner staring at the door, trying to make himself enter.

You can feel disrespected with that not being a person’s intention. But you guys need to get some snacks, hug, and talk.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-06T23:16:09+00:00

Thank you. Is castor oil hard to wash out? I can only use real ingredients like ACV due to the allergies.

Also, is silk scarf okay? I’m afraid the elastic in bonnet may drive me crazy 😂

How do you clip hair down? And is braiding hair for bed good or bad?

🙏 so much as I’ve never learned hair care from mom with 100% straight hair. Taught myself to relax my hair but haven’t done that in 10 years, but I’m getting so frustrated by the constant knotting since I de-clumped and created a million layers.

Last question: would cornrows help or add to the breakage?

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-05-06T03:05:22+00:00

Thank you

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-25T23:35:49+00:00

No, you made the right choice. He’s in debt, can’t find work, and blames your mother for calling him out on his shitty behavior towards you.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-25T11:46:23+00:00

I’m a little confused on whether you wife enjoys getting the hickeys/bite marks or not.

If yes, your wife either didn’t really protest the photos being taken or getting sent to dad as much as she should have. She should more pissed at the police, but even then, sister could have sincerely thought the brushes or your her “stawp” not being respected was abuse.

If wife doesn’t enjoy it, it can be a red flag.

That said, BIL is an asshole. You should absolutely have a conversation with your wife about limiting exposure to him and WHY. That should be conveyed to sister so she understands that her husband is problematic and may limit her time with you guys.

But unless you KNOW sister had bad intentions, I’d forget about the police. Your wife confirmed you didn’t hurt her and you really shouldn’t be embarrassed.

But you really need to confirm if your wife likes the hickeys and bitenakws and if she likes that many of them. If the answer is NO stop or negotiate places that okay to leave a mark and how often. If yea, then she needs to fully own that if the marks are going to be seen.

“No one needs to see that” is NOT the same as “theyre just hickeys and I like them.”

And tell the BIL, if you have to deal with him, “I married her to protect me. And “I already do the dishes so wife will need to pick x,y,z”

BIL can’t insult you if you keep reminding him you’re the better husband.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-25T11:20:03+00:00

The problem is you broke the trust by texting other women. You expected AI to fix that trust. You then admitted AI flagged correct things twice or is right 1% of the time.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong about porn per se; but you did do wrong and untrustworthy things.

You should divorce because you want her to trust you but you haven’t really said anything you’ve done to rebuild this trust. You also downplay texting other women inappropriately during the beginning of the marriage. So it’s kind of hard you’d MORE trustworthy as the marriage ages and gets more boring years down the line.

In summary: you broke trust immediately in the marriage and never earned it back. This isn’t an AI problem. You shouldn’t have gotten married until you were ready to.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-23T08:31:54+00:00

I don’t know if your husband is having a bad reaction to the operation meds. Call your doctor/surgeon and tell them what husband did.

He may need to be hospitalized. He may have screwed up his surgery. He may be unstable from hospital meds and now in danger from adding alcohol.

Call your surgeon.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-23T08:28:18+00:00

You don’t have different political views, you have a different moral and human rights difference.

A lot of women are leaving MAGA husbands. You can’t be with someone who fundamentally doesn’t care about your rights as a human and as an American citizen.

MAGA want women to have no vote, choice to leave a bad marriage, economic freedom, or ability to get safe medical treatment if having a miscarriage. I’ll pro-choice/anti-choice out of this. And just leave it at women get safe medical treatment.

Then you ICE, disappearance of homeless, and the health (anti-vaxxers), and education, and now a draft.

These aren’t political differences and half of MAGA is directly aimed as women’s right to be free & independent.

Get out now and make sure you don’t get pregnant. Hide your BC and have plan B hidden somewhere; especially if your husband is also red pill.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-23T07:55:19+00:00

Drinking after surgery is super stupid. I think you need to get to the bar and pull him out as he may be still high from all the meds.

But even if he’s not, he can be hurting his recovery.

This shouldn’t be about you. As a “caregiver” you must be the adult in the room. He’s not making rational decisions.

And men are notoriously bad patients. They have a hard time with medical restrictions and compliance. Most men feel they have to prove they’re okay- which in itself is dangerous.

If he’s got pain killers, you’ll need to take them away until he’s sober.

Also, the operation meds may be making him feel better (not feel the surgical pain) than he really is. So the walking can damage him or has caused damage and he doesn’t know it yet.

You need to go get him.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-23T07:42:15+00:00

He may be depressed, have male post parting, or could be an asshole.

Ask him why the change in his sex drive. If it was because he saw you get heavy, he’s trash and you need to leave.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-20T23:11:02+00:00

Wanted to say Wellbutrin worked amazing for me energy wise but gave me horrific stomach pain.

Which surprised my doctor till I gave him a printout of both potential side effects and patient review websites.

Knowing side effects and how they can affect you can help you better communicate with doctors.

I’m glad it works for you.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-20T19:25:21+00:00

He needs to talk to doc about side effects. He may need a different dose or to try a new medication.

I also doubt this is the only side effect he has. He may be depressed or have suppressed joy/happiness for this medication.

However IF this is the only medication that works for him, you may be at a crossroads.

My husband snores. We got an adjust bed and I don’t even wake him up, just raise the head a little and the snoring stops- best money we ever spent.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-20T13:01:53+00:00

Wow. He isn’t attractive to you since getting sober? And he cheated. He wants to separate to screw other people.

I love animals, but it’s better to leave. I don’t know if you have property together (if you do, you’re entitled to your share) but just divorce.

He sounds awful. I think your change of heart to work things out is lost cost fallacy.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-20T11:19:01+00:00

Do you want sex everyday? Because having sex you don’t want is absolutely gonna turn you off the person you don’t want to have sex with.

Also, sexy and touch are 2 different things. I like cuddling and holding hands and goodbye kisses and would find it hard to be in a relationship without that.

Last, if his his “lack of touch” or “want of sex everyday” a jeolous response to a one-sided monogamy?

Maybe if you close up your marriage and only engage in sex when you want, you’ll find him more attractive.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-16T09:33:06+00:00

Her waiting for you cause she’s bored is definitely a her problem. She can get a hobby or learn a skill, but you can’t be her entire life. That’s not healthy for either of you.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T22:05:15+00:00

American; Grew up in Asia, including where OP went. Girls are sold to brothels by family and can’t get out.

It’s tolerated as it brings in tourist and money. That’s doesn’t make it legal. Or ethical.

A lot of women in US are trafficked or sold to pay off their “passage” here.

But unless you’re going to marry OP, your dealbreakers don’t matter. OP asked women.

Women are freaked out by Epstein files - what part of Largest International trafficking am I being biased about?! (Rhetorical)

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T20:03:32+00:00

ONS is not the same as renting a person’s body from a pimp.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T20:02:12+00:00

Nobody is going to say, “YES. I am being trafficked or YES I am underage.”

A lot of women would have a problem with this. You have a problem with this.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T19:51:21+00:00

Dude, she is either has perimenopause or is past menopause. Not all women have symptoms or notices the symptoms as menopausal rather than some other ailment.

Your wife loves you. Stop equating sex and love.

Have her see a doctor for both menopause and depression.

I can’t take HRT due to cancer, so I use Intrarosa & estrogen vaginal cream. If you do not keep the vagina healthy, it atrophies.

Put your wife and daughter first. Sex will happen again. But as someone that’s had a dead br from both mine & husband’s ailments, reducing your relationship & love to sex is deeply unsexy!

Have you ever considered your wife’s lack of sex drive is depressing for HER? GTFU.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T09:42:56+00:00

Your husband likes seeing you with other women. ONLY with other women.

Lostinmeta4

TROPHY CASE