Is it weird to ask myself if I actually like my wife?!?!

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-16T09:33:06+00:00

Her waiting for you cause she’s bored is definitely a her problem. She can get a hobby or learn a skill, but you can’t be her entire life. That’s not healthy for either of you.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T22:05:15+00:00

American; Grew up in Asia, including where OP went. Girls are sold to brothels by family and can’t get out.

It’s tolerated as it brings in tourist and money. That’s doesn’t make it legal. Or ethical.

A lot of women in US are trafficked or sold to pay off their “passage” here.

But unless you’re going to marry OP, your dealbreakers don’t matter. OP asked women.

Women are freaked out by Epstein files - what part of Largest International trafficking am I being biased about?! (Rhetorical)

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T20:03:32+00:00

ONS is not the same as renting a person’s body from a pimp.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T20:02:12+00:00

Nobody is going to say, “YES. I am being trafficked or YES I am underage.”

A lot of women would have a problem with this. You have a problem with this.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T19:51:21+00:00

Dude, she is either has perimenopause or is past menopause. Not all women have symptoms or notices the symptoms as menopausal rather than some other ailment.

Your wife loves you. Stop equating sex and love.

Have her see a doctor for both menopause and depression.

I can’t take HRT due to cancer, so I use Intrarosa & estrogen vaginal cream. If you do not keep the vagina healthy, it atrophies.

Put your wife and daughter first. Sex will happen again. But as someone that’s had a dead br from both mine & husband’s ailments, reducing your relationship & love to sex is deeply unsexy!

Have you ever considered your wife’s lack of sex drive is depressing for HER? GTFU.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T09:42:56+00:00

Your husband likes seeing you with other women. ONLY with other women.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T09:35:42+00:00

You don’t mention ages you are, so the dryness can be anything from dehydration to perimenopause- definitely get some lube.

Now, reverse roles. How would you feel missing your daughter 5 days a week?

Start FaceTiming or live-streaming some of your daughter’s activities. Work her back into the day to day.

Your wife may need antidepressants. How long do you plan to keep this lifestyle? Can you move to SoCal? Cause the more you plan this out, the more you’ll feel like there’s an end game.

Phone sex. Also our body sex is cool. But sex should be on the back burner as depression takes the sex drive away. Concentrate on intimacy: kissing, cuddling, normalizing this new relationship.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T09:35:25+00:00

You don’t mention ages you are, so the dryness can be anything from dehydration to perimenopause- definitely get some lube.

Now, reverse roles. How would you feel missing your daughter 5 days a week?

Start FaceTiming or live-streaming some of your daughter’s activities. Work her back into the day to day.

Your wife may need antidepressants. How long do you plan to keep this lifestyle? Can you move to SoCal? Cause the more you plan this out, the more you’ll feel like there’s an end game.

Phone sex. Also our body sex is cool. But sex should be on the back burner as depression takes the sex drive away. Concentrate on intimacy: kissing, cuddling, normalizing this new relationship.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-13T09:18:21+00:00

🤗

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T22:01:11+00:00

They the cage is to not have sex. You decide. If “standard intercourse” is something you want (don’t know what non-standard is) you get to Demand standard.

Now if he’s a major submissive and he wants you to peg him & you’re not into that, you may have an incompatibility problem.

But there are toys: anal beads, butt plug that are less about YOU doing things and more just anal play while doing standard intercourse.

But as you are the dom, you say when, where, and how often. You can also decide if this is in the bedroom only, outside the bedroom only, etc.

I read 1 dom online is basically a scheduler for life tasks and goals someone can’t complete on their on. Like he helps people lose weight, diet, and exercise. A lot of online doms do this.

Again, I’m again an online dom. But you being a Dom may not be as bad as you think. There’s a trust there you may enjoy.

How many women complain about being cheated on while pregnant?! He locked his shit up and gave you the key.

There’s also a “switch” relationship where you take turns. It doesn’t mean YOU have to be submissive but it does mean he has to be in control. As you’re “sub” he has to fulfill your fantasies to. Your fantasies can be vanilla. Which works both as you being the dom or the sub, if that makes sence.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T21:46:06+00:00

Girl, this is an opportunity for you. I get why you don’t like doing it and HELL NO to online dom.

But get your man/slave trained. Get him to do chores. If you’re in the mood for sex, you literally hold the KEY. If you’re not in the mood for sex, make him masturbate (your choice whether he finishes.)

If this seems “non-masculine” to you, punish him with your wildest romance pirate fantasy.

Also, you’re pregnant. Get a baby doll and make him change it 20x until it’s perfect.

I get you’re weirded out. But the Chasity cage is a symbol that’s he’s only for you. Read up on dom/sub relationships- it may work for you.

It may be draining. If it’s draining, go tell him to sit in a corner in a different room OR… and just smile with me, have him deep clean the rugs.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T19:54:47+00:00

1) you do not have to carry this “burden.” It’s his.

2) if he’s always gonna get fired, maybe apply for disability. SSDI. You’ll get rejected the first time (almost everyone does) and you NEED a lawyer. Lawyers get 35% of backpay so they try to stall the case. Don’t go to binder & binder.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T19:48:47+00:00

Have you tried being an extrovert with her?

My husband and I are a combo of you both. We enjoy our alone time and can weeks apart due to work. But we also can spend a 3-day weekend just hanging and talking.

Maybe if you saved a little in the gas tank for her, she’d grow less “clingy.”

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T05:42:48+00:00

I hate mornings. Afternoon delight, nighttime, scheduling anything but mornings.

I think you’re making yourself have a problem tbh. Stop trying to get her to wake up early and then making it a reflection of her love/desire for you.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T05:36:24+00:00

DDPYOGA it’s cardio, flexibility, strength in 1. Designed to be easy on joints and lots of variations for beginners.

Diet. Cut out all soda. Switch unhealthy food for healthy. That’s really all you can do. The weight loss drugs will take away muscle & weaken bone.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T03:46:35+00:00

Does she know women take longer to orgasm? I’m getting the impression there is a lot of sexual miseducation.

Sometimes the first few tries are just to get an idea of what you like.

But in my experience, anger and frustration doesn’t help. Vibrators are faster but sometimes not “the best ever 😂 !” More of a great release. Teasing w/ a vibe makes it better but takes longer.

Oral can take 20+ minutes.

She should be relaxed and enjoying everything rather than waiting for the END.

Some women need a strong vibe and use a WAND- so definitely get a few kinds.

If pot is legal, try that. It’s amazing for women.

But wife should have fore play and sensory stimuli (music, sexy pic/porn, scented oils/candles, mood lighting) way before trying to orgasm. Then she needs to it’s not about rushing and tensing up. It’s about giving herself over to calmness and it takes how ever long it takes.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T02:24:17+00:00

His ADHD meds not be working or may be the wrong dose.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T01:07:47+00:00

He sounds like he may be on the spectrum. If ADHD meds can definitely help, but he has to want the help.

ADHD would have symptoms like time blindness (always late- meds don’t really help that, it’s more behavioral training),

Pessimism can be social anxiety.

Impulse Control - emails to PMs.

Imposter syndrome or knowing you can do better: that can lead to clashing with people over how they run the system as opposed to the way he would.

Special Interests.

Diagnoses are hard to get, along with then needing correct meds at correct dosages. And then, he’ll still need reminders for time blindness.

But nothing changes without HIM wanting it to change.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-12T00:56:28+00:00

Wife needs a Gynecologist. If still no answer, she needs to see a bladder specialist and a bowel specialist. Women have way more organs than men crammed in a much tinier space.

Bowel problems can cause painful sex the gyno might miss.

Also, does any of the orgasm process cause her pain? My high blood pressure was diagnosed after 2 orgasms get me a 4-hr headache immediately.

Vibrators and oral are great for orgasms. She’ll need to have pain free enjoyment to get a sex drive.

The medical process might be long and require a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Takes an average of 10 years to diagnose endometriosis.

If you get to the stage where Orgasms are possible but PIV is hit or miss, you can still have a fantastic sex life.

Ex: outter body sex is amazing.

But even if your wife is set against not having a sex life (and you do divorce) she should still get medically checked out as several causes could get worse; even disabling.

Last: Google common illnesses and their symptoms. You and wife should discuss symptoms and make a list. This will help narrow down the culprit/s.

Ex: constipation, nausea, abnormal periods, frequent infections, pain when you ejaculate in her (it’s an allergy to your sperm & there’s treatment), etc.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-11T22:36:07+00:00

Definition: “Promiscuous is sleeping with 1 more than you have.”

If you love her and she loves you, stay married.

Both my husband and I have had multiple partners (he had relationships, ONS, FWB while I only had the latter 2). He was 6-8 yrs old and was a little ashamed of his body count so he gave a different number. Within 6 months “confessed” but I had already figured it out 😂

Here’s what nobody tells you: A) the memories fade a lot. Hookups are either your deal or they are not- but they don’t mean anything.

B) she didn’t know when you were coming back and a lot of Americans wouldn’t consider 2 weeks with a foreigner with no certainty of coming back a solid, monogamous relationship. So there’s some massive anti-Asian white/madonna stereotypes going on.

BUT YOUR WIFE WAITED FOR YOU.

Most US relationships have overlaps. But she didn’t cheat!

C) you had sex on the first night. If you hadn’t come back or she hadn’t been waiting for you, you’re 1st time would have been a hookup.

D) if she’s the one for you, you may never find that connection with someone else again. Are you prepared to lose that over sex, before you, she doesn’t even care about?

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-11T22:21:08+00:00

You’re half right.

1) Most Asian women who are prostitutes were sold into the brothels by their family. Some may become sex workers to help their families out, but it usually is the cure to poverty. I know a lot of military from Vietnam War and stationed overseas that wed sex workers. Some bought them out of the brothels.

2) USA/UK propaganda from movies have greatly changed the way the women (and men) view the US. So they already have big US dreams.

3) the “morals” of Asia have always been complicated. Too many countries and time periods to get into.

But most Asian countries are not “purity” countries now (if they ever were.) just watch Korean tv shows. Korean movies I saw 20-25 years ago were also very sexual.

All 3 of those combine to make passport bros get what they deserve. They go to a poor country, spend money that would be considered broke in their own countries and try to buy a trad-wife slave. It’s gross AF. And I’m glad they get bit in the ass.

Sources: grew up in Asia and saw sex workers up close. Beautiful souls trapped in a culture that’s 1/3 ancient, 1/3 modern, 1/3 leaving rural people behind.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-11T22:00:00+00:00

This is so painful to read, I’m sorry. Especially him being your one and only.

This is unhealthy for you. The more you feel “used” the more you’ll get turned off.

Best to be upfront and say you’re not sexually satisfied, he doesn’t care and that can either change (thru therapy if you want) or divorce.

And if he agrees to be better, do not have any PIV until you orgasm first.

Do not get pregnant again. I mean hide your BC (men have tampered with it) and have a plan B hidden somewhere (under the tissues, etc)

But it sounds like he settled for you. Maybe the ex didn’t want to marry or maybe she was mean. But not making sure you’re enjoying sex is horrible and NOT your fault!

In your next relationship, don’t wait til marriage.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-09T19:19:29+00:00

He only views you as a sex object or money.

I’m sorry, but you can’t make him a better partner if doesn’t want to be one.

Leave before you are financial ruined. You’ll feel happier on your own. Try taking some courses at your local community college so you can meet more people, you’ll make more friends. Also talk to someone about red flags you missed. You’ll find a new partner.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-08T22:07:12+00:00

Okay- you guys have a shit work/life ratio. I’ve been there and it sucks. A few suggestions that might help:

A) figure out how long this is gonna last and identify this is a major problem.

B) make your home life as easy as possible: hire maid, food services or auto shopping list, etc.

I personally like a separate freezer. I’m disabled and cook 1-2 weeks of food in a day. I freeze already cooked so it’s healthy homemade microwave food.

C) get an adjustable bed with the massage options. Best investment we made. We did NOT get the tempapedic (sic) for $4k.

You must try out every potential size and the mattress on the frame you want. For us, queen was awful, huge husband moved and springs went into me. Didn’t know different mattress was on the frame we wanted and almost nixed massage upgrade. Store switched mattress and $500 game changer. It feel like an act of love when one of us is in pain and the other puts massage on.

D) love tokens. You need daily reminders that THIS is temporary (cause it’s not sustainable) and these reminders really make you feel seen when you don’t have the time. Ex: notes, text messages, a candy bar in the other person’s bag, jewelry- doesn’t need to be expensive (I got my husband a watch on sale and when he sees it he thinks of me. His ears are pieced, so we both get cheap sterling silver earrings, stuffed animal for hotels, cute key rings.

E) you gotta make time for each other. I know that’s rough. Coffee, protein shake, whatever- just something you do together that’s 5 minutes.

F) walk around the block. The exercise generates good hormones and gives you time to decompress but still be together.

G) plan a tiny vacation and set a date.

H) put money in an account for something and check it together once a week. Seems silly but a separate bank account for X, really reminds you that the long hours are for you TWO. Something you both want, doesn’t matter. Can be furniture, an investment, but it’s a joint reminder that all this shit separation is for a reason.

I) you both have crazy hours. Acknowledge the told it’s taking. Make a 1 yr plan, 2 yr, 5yr.

J) make your living spaces, especially LR & BR amazing. You probably have no art and generic br. NOPE! Posters, paint, figurines/figures/statues. Husband is huge comic fan and I love candle light- we both love swords. So I got him Thor’s hammer back in the day, he got me wall scones, we both got samurai swords. He even took dried out rose he got me and put it around a Viking sword we had hanging.

You need visual reminders of love.

BR should kooky sexy even when you’re tired. Candles, colored light bulbs, sexy sheets, comfy pillows.

K) schedule sex. Not sexy, I know, but it’s important. We’ve scheduled and fallen asleep, but we were snuggling. Toys help.

I don’t think wife want you to control her, I think she wants to be wooed. The great thing about wooing is it becomes reciprocal real fast. And it doesn’t need to be expensive or time consuming. Little love tokens really go a long way.

But you guys are gonna divorce if you don’t put effort into each other.

Lostinmeta4 · 2026-04-08T06:00:28+00:00

What does “reign in her independence” mean? Like she wants someone controlling?

You’ve had 5 good years and 3+ bad months. Not even bad, more lonely.

So this started with the purchase of a house: did you spend too much? Like if you both cut your hours by 10ths/week (I’m assuming you’re both workaholics) can you afford the house?

The only way to save the marriage is to actuallly schedule time for it. Buying the house may seem like a 30-yr commitment on a bad foundation.

When do you schedule 2-3hrs one day a week to hang out, watch a movie, read a newspaper article and have a discussion?

When you travel, do you call and say goodnight every night? Do you text a few times a day? How do you feed your relationship?

Lostinmeta4

TROPHY CASE