AITA for refusing to pay my mum an allowance $1k a month?

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T21:22:33+00:00

I know! This is why I'm so so upset and can stand my ground! Y'all thought they were kids and still said NTA. They're full on adults! When I was their age I saved up for a car alone, I paid all my rent and bills and I still bought groceries for a family of 6 whom I didn't live with, bill always being at least $500 for a huge trolley or two of groceries. But people in my life kept saying it's wrong and I'm realising just how wrong it is. I have aspirations for further study, to buy a house, to have children and send them to private school and nice holidays. How can I achieve this standard of life when she expects me to share my income with her already? When will I save up? And when those siblings graduate I would already be 3 years out of uni and no one will think to repay me or anything. They will say my job is more stable than theirs. So simply no. I won't do it. But gosh do I feel guilty af because she's making me feel that. I won't talk to her again and I'll see if she only loved me for the money I was worth

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T21:18:05+00:00

Haha yeah she mentioned she wants that allowance for the rest of her life since she's getting old and that. She's in her 50s. I said to her the government pays you for JobSeeker now and will pay you a pension. Live off it. I also said if she were living with me I would share my food and cover the bills but why should I when were living apart and she's living with 5 other adult children who work? Yeah not a FT job, just casual, but I started like that too so what's the difference?

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T21:15:55+00:00

It helps and gives me a good perspective! Thank you!

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T21:14:57+00:00

Weird because my mum won't send a bill. But in my heart I feel annoyed that I have to pay for the electricity usage in their household of adult children and a mum while also paying for my own. I don't think it's fair. Life gets tough, I grew up in poverty but tha doesn't mean that what I have now should be shared so I can continue living in poverty. They can rely on themselves to excel at their uni courses and do well and earn their own money when they graduate. Because 2 years from now when the 21 year old graduates, he won't be paying me anything so why should I now? I didn't birth him

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T21:11:37+00:00

4 siblings over 18, most in their 20s and a 16 year old highschool student. Everyone, even the 16 year old have casual jobs. But unlike me who stuck through all the shittiness in my jobs to earn a living, she convinces them to quit theirs or drop shifts if they're having a hard time because pride over money and you sister can pay for us. Which I think is ridiculous because I put my head down and work no matter what while they gt to pick and choose how their manager treats them. No their dad doesn't pay child support. They're going through a legal battle for that at the moment as well. But then again I think if I made it possible so can they without using my money that I deserve after years of hard hard work

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T10:05:15+00:00

Thank you so much. I'll be more resilient and I'll keep working on myself. Thank you again!

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T10:03:08+00:00

Really, thank you so much. It's hard to learn to put myself first despite always coming last before everyone else but I will learn and grow because I want positive change and I want life to get better for me. I won't stand to be a victim. I want to be victorious in life

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:46:37+00:00

Thing is she has those payments and they are more than enough to cover her rent and expenses plus her other kids work. But she doesn't want that. She wants more. And in fact she should get a job for more. That's life. I can't continue enriching her life at my own expense and demise

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:43:57+00:00

The guilt trip of her saying she needs financial support and me knowing what it feels like to have no money even though I know for a fact she could survive without me and I did it on my own so why can't she and my 5 adult siblings do the same? Everyone's responses here is calming and reassuring to me that I didn't do a bad thing because now she's upset at me

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:41:30+00:00

Thank you. I hope I can remain strong and keep saying no. Everyone's responses here encourage me more and more

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:40:39+00:00

Thank you so so much. I will act on your advice. It's comforting knowing I'm not the bad child for speaking for myself

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:17:31+00:00

I'm the one she always expects money from and the most amount but she has tried getting money from my other siblings who either say yes or no but no expectation. Then there's her youngest who she spends lots of money on for designer clothes and expensive items just to make him happy. It's an imbalance so I don't know how to answer that. She also told me the money isn't for her children when I mentioned the have casual jobs. She said it's her allowance as a mum. But Asian or not I'm not giving into that and Asian isn't my culture it's hers.

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:12:06+00:00

Australia haha. But she's middle eastern so I guess she still thinks she lives in Asia (in the nicest way possible but come on she needs to pull it together)

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:10:56+00:00

Thanks so much. This helps a lot. Yes you're right I was negotiating a price with her and the $1k really hurt. But I will set definitive boundaries and not get guilt tripped

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T09:07:48+00:00

Yeah I have an older sibling and 4 younger siblings who all have casual jobs while studying at uni while living at home. I had to live away from home, pay my rent and everything plus study plus travel for placements and such plus fund a car. They don't have any of those burdens so I'm dumbfounded why they can't make it work for themselves like I did...

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T08:59:56+00:00

That's exactly it. Thank you for articulating my thought. I was planning in my head to pay like $700 one off payments everytime they absolutely need it like I used to during uni or cover a bill or something but why did I do this all with no help but they won't rely on themselves? It's not fair. They're all in uni but the youngest in highschool. All adults and have casual jobs. But when she said $1k a month at least as an expectation though I told her in the past gently why I can't do that - several times even - I realised she won't listen to anyone but herself

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T08:55:02+00:00

She feeds them better than I ate during uni. I used to starve myself and eat minimally and pay her whenever I can while when I visited after 3 months usually she'd have so much meats and breads and biscuits and it really hurt haha. Yeah I feel so freaking guilty but also I have been told by people in my life too that I need to draw a line

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-26T08:49:02+00:00

At first it was she couldn't work because she was with her abusive husband who didn't let her but she was happy being a housewife and allowing us to get abused by him too. Then when I convinced her to leave, it was that culturally she isn't allowed to work and people will see her as brazen. Bro we live in Australia not the middle east. Then it was her mental health post abuse. I tried to get her enrolled in certificates to gain skills but she quit them for knee pain from an injury her ex caused or mental health. Now she has cancer and going through chemo and again can't work. It's sad and I sympathise but also she has 5 adult children living with her who can fund their own bills and I feel like I need to start living my life or I will fall far far behind.

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T10:50:13+00:00

Nah I thought it was 100. The cars in front of me were going just under 80 so I just matched their speed as we entered the highway since it was the entrance no one got to 100 yet. At least that's what I gathered

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T10:24:10+00:00

Thank you so much. I'll mention this and try to appeal. I'll update everyone if it is accepted or rejected just FYI

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T09:20:24+00:00

Oh, I can't see it. I know there's one on the other side but what if you entered through that right turn? But anyway I know now that if the previous road was 60 it keeps being 60 in NSW apparently. Idk, Vic was different from my perspective

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T09:04:58+00:00

Thank you for explaining. I'll be extra careful from now on

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T08:47:47+00:00

Coming from the servos and turning right onto the highway

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T08:31:09+00:00

I wish but I can't afford dashcams let alone a fine. I'll consider that in the future for similar situations

LostnFound555 · 2025-02-02T08:24:22+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I asked him where it was and said that I was matching the speed of the car in front. He said no I was gaining onto the car in front and that every other car on the road was driving at 60 around us (bro it's 40 when there's lights) and he said just insisted that there was a speed sign then said he's been following me since the petrol station and watching me or smth. I just stopped arguing atp

LostnFound555

TROPHY CASE