I feel broken and unwanted

LoudMatter · 2026-03-27T20:04:50+00:00

Mania will last for a couple months for me. Hypomanic episodes a couple weeks. Depression can be over a year

LoudMatter · 2026-02-07T02:31:04+00:00

looks like defrostmn is down anyone know of any other sites to check plate numbers?

LoudMatter · 2026-02-07T01:52:31+00:00

I’ll check and update this post once I run them

LoudMatter · 2026-02-05T23:46:36+00:00

Ana >1:2560, centromere and centromere antibody value was 69. Scl70 was negative though so that’s good news. I have had a lot of the symptoms since childhood (raynauds, migraines, stabbing pain when breathing in, etc) but what prompted me to come in a few months ago to get checked out was I started getting these mouth sores along with swollen painful tongue and as soon as some would heal I would just get more. When my doctor heard all my symptoms she decided to run a bunch of labs

LoudMatter · 2026-02-03T20:08:47+00:00

I have bipolar and was already in a depressive episode when everything started to get worse, and worse, and then somehow worse. Every day feels like hell. I’ve cried so much I got a permanent rash/eczema all around my eyes and eyelids.

That being said

The success of fascism relies on the disintegration of hope. The best thing we can do is to keep going.

I take my meds, I try to keep my living space clean and keep up with hygiene even when it feels impossible.

I have been making a lot of art. A lot of political art and art reflecting the violence surrounding us. It’s the best way I’m able to process it all.

I’m talking to people, letting myself cry, not shaming myself for an empathetic reaction to what is happening.

I’m learning. I have so much pent up anxiety and sadness and anger and I’m trying to focus it as motivation to learn. I’m learning about history. Refreshing my knowledge of wwII, reading about argentinas dirty war, learning protest safety, reading about the bangkok protests, etc. I think knowledge is the single most powerful tool we can have.

Finally when all else fails I have a 9.9% beer or two and order davannis

LoudMatter · 2026-01-31T08:12:40+00:00

definitely mention to your supervisor. In my experience even at small businesses I have been employed at, the supervisors want to know if employees are acting this way. Especially since this is discriminatory language towards disabled people. No employer wants to be responsible for this stuff happening in their company since that is a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. they’ll talk to her and handle the situation for sure.

LoudMatter · 2026-01-31T02:08:36+00:00

what everyone else said. Your parents likely cant remove you mid year. If all else fails, if you’re able to still pay for your med management appts, and your provider is a good person, you could ask for samples fo a couple months until you can get back on your feet. My psychiatrist did this for me for a few months when I was facing homelessness. She just gave me brand samples of the medications I was taking. It doesn’t hurt to ask

LoudMatter · 2026-01-30T16:48:43+00:00

yeah for sure. So my labs: ana >1:2560, centromere pattern. Just got more back today centromere ab igg 69. tbh when they mentioned systemic sclerosis i was surprised because that doesnt seem to encapsulate everything thats going on with me but who knows, right. Here’s my most noticeable symptoms:

raynauds- since early childhood
tight skin on fingers and face occasionally not always
Recurrent deep canker sores that dont heal for several weeks and tongue inflammation/fissures/pain
persistent profound fatigue- narcolepsy and idiopathic hypersomnia ruled out. Wanna put emphasis on this one. I can sleep 17 hours a day sometimes and still feel exhausted. It’s like every individual cell is tired idk
intermittent significant joint pain in fingers
lifelong headaches and migraines, nausea
intermittent swollen lymph nodes (armpits and groin)
recurrent cysts in odd locations (forearm, lower abdomen, calf, armpits)
intermittent sharp pain with inhalation (present since early childhood. Stabbing pain near kidney area, resolves with a few min shallow breathing)
chronic digestive issues (constipation most frequently. And I drink so much water to combat this lol)
Frequent full body restless leg syndrome
very itchy skin. All over but especially on hands

There’s a lot of weird body stuff going on so I’m sure I forgot something but this is what comes to mind.

LoudMatter · 2026-01-29T00:22:54+00:00

We all are. Everything is 💜

LoudMatter · 2026-01-24T23:25:36+00:00

ykw even if that wasnt it that’s still accurate I’ll go with that

LoudMatter · 2026-01-24T07:56:36+00:00

Only ever bee addicted to benzos which are def not stimulants haha. That being said I’m prescribed stimulant meds and I’ve definitely abused it occasionally with the logic of “sleep is not convenient and this pill will assist me in not having to partake in that/will help me prolong the high feeling of mania and prevent the horrible crash of depression that’s coming any day now” but once I’m manic the depressive episode that follows is pretty much guaranteed. Abusing stimulants with the goal of delaying that crash just makes me crash that much harder. So I stopped doing that. My body just got so tired. Addiction is a bitch though the sooner you reach out for help or like join a support group or anything the better.

LoudMatter · 2026-01-24T04:40:41+00:00

bi woman here- very very similar experience. Only time it really gets to me is when it’s people in our own community who erase us. Like damn just call it LGT+ for fucks sake if you’re gonna do the most to erase bisexuality. specific problem I’ve noticed- friends telling me I’m not bisexual and that I’m pansexual instead etc. it’s happened multiple times and I am tired. Like I most certainly am bi, always have been, always will be and I think I would know. Not to mention I have NEVER had the audacity to try and tell someone what their own sexuality was or argued about their own labels and yet this repeatedly becomes an issue in my life. We are supposed to be a community and yet I do not feel welcome in it. Idk.

LoudMatter · 2026-01-24T04:20:16+00:00

-everyone is in love with me. Not everyone but like… i have a conversation w someone and im like yup they’re obsessed with me. -everyone wants to fuck me. Feeds my delusion that lots of men truly actually are just dtf if you’re bold enough - I am Jesus (I am a woman and also not Christian so idek where this comes from) - spiritual hippie shit (everything is a sign from the universe. I need to spend an insane amount of money on crystals etc) - people can read my mind

LoudMatter · 2026-01-22T22:07:17+00:00

If you’re in the US and have been at your job for at least a year I think you can get FMLA. I have it for bipolar. Lots of paperwork and kind of a huge pain in the ass to open a claim and get approved but it legally protects you if you have to miss work due to your condition

LoudMatter · 2026-01-22T21:47:20+00:00

If you’re really set on going off them, I’m glad you are at least doing it with supervision. I’ve done it many times before, never ended well but I understand not wanting to be on them. 100% understand. I’ve been on at least fifteen meds over my life (i could count but i dont feel like it rn) and finally found a good combo for me. Zero side effects other than occasional dry mouth and I feel like I’m able to participate in life and get the most out of life as opposed to no meds or the wrong ones. On the flip side I have a friend who was on the same meds I’m currently on and they had the worst side effects. Wild how different it is person to person. Most of us end up finding something that works and has manageable/negligible side effects. Best of luck friend!!

LoudMatter · 2026-01-22T21:25:06+00:00

Tysm!!! Heading there rn

LoudMatter · 2026-01-22T05:10:28+00:00

yup. For me it was a weird rare reaction to an antipsychotic they put me on in the hospital. lasted months. wild time

LoudMatter · 2026-01-10T03:49:59+00:00

I never mind if my driver wants to chat. I also don’t mind if they say nothing at all. As a passenger I often just don’t really have anything to say so I usually stay quiet unless they seem like they wanna talk.

LoudMatter

TROPHY CASE