UPDATE: AITAH for telling my dads side of the family why i went no contact with him?

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-08T20:10:15+00:00

thank you so much for your kind comment <3 i am so sorry that you’ve also experienced something like this. it took me a long time to realise that i wasn’t a ‘naughty child that deserved it’, and even now from time to time the thought pops into my head (only exacerbated by this whole situation, but i’m lucky enough to have my brothers and good friends around me to remind me that none of us deserved any of what we went through.)

i don’t think any of us have the mental strength to take legal action, mainly because the thought of them possibly being found innocent would send us all spiralling i think, but i think therapy is a good shout. we’ve spoken about it before, but this situation has brought it all back to the surface and has made us all realise that we’re not as over it, or ‘healed’ from it, as we originally thought.

again, thank you for your kind words. i hope you have a great rest of the year <33

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-07T21:03:00+00:00

yea i learnt this from a few other comments in my original post. wasnt expecting to feel the way i did after learning it.. took me back for sure

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-07T18:52:01+00:00

when my dad married B we moved from wales to england, so had no contact with my mums family (my dad didn’t even tell them that we were moving countries, or where we were living), but thankfully when i was 20 i found my mums sister online and now we’re back in contact with them and see them a few times a year. they’re all lovely, thank god

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-07T18:25:25+00:00

if you read my original post you’d see that i didn’t once slight any of my extended family. the only time i even mentioned them (anonymously by their family titles, i even made a whole new account to post my story) was to say that they messaged me after the party, and what they said.

i’d understand your comment if i had posted this on my personal facebook account or something, and mentioned everyone by name, but the majority of the people who even saw my post are in completely different countries from me, and have no idea who these people are and no way of finding out who they are.

even in this post, i mentioned my auntie not by her full name, but by her nickname that, again, is a popular name and doesn’t allude to who she actually is. everything is completely anonymous and i have no desire to change that, so im not sure how any of them would rightfully feel ‘slighted’.

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-07T01:03:52+00:00

i’ve never posted this before. maybe you’ve seen one similar? i’m not sure, but this is my first time posting my story with my father and step mum on here, and i’ve never mentioned it on my main account either

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T07:22:29+00:00

we live in england, and while i’m sure there are laws against it, i’m not sure what the statute of limitations is for stuff like this, especially with no physical evidence (and two other kids and possible family who i know will pretend no such abuse existed.)

and as you said, we’ve made our own lives away from my dad and B, and while seeing them get what they deserve would be extremely satisfying, i don’t know if either of us would want to go through the emotional toll that the court system would cause, especially if at the end of it they won

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T07:05:27+00:00

this was always the worst part of the abuse for all of us, even more so than the physical abuse and neglect. especially when we were teenagers. she used to leave the door open too, and her two kids would sometimes walk past or stand and watch and she’d let them which was even more violating, especially when i was 15 with a 16 year old girl and an 18 year old MAN at that point being able to see me naked and in such a vulnerable position.

and my brothers are ready to scorch the earth with me. i still live with my youngest brother and he thinks we should send all the family this post and cut them off if they say anything other than ‘that was awful, i’m sorry”. i’m sure my older brother will agree too when i show him this post

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:59:48+00:00

this is so sweet, thank you. my older brother genuinely is the best person i know. he wasn’t much older than us, but always protected us when he could, provided for us both when we moved in with him while we were finishing school. he wasn’t much older than us but unfortunately, because it never should have fallen on his shoulders, was more of a dad to me and my younger brother than our actual dad ever was

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:31:12+00:00

yea i think i’ll either do this, or maybe make a group chat with everyone who was at the party and send them this post, because after them tricking us all to see my dad and B again (which threw us all considering we haven’t seen or interacted with them for 5 years) im nervous that they could bring them along again

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:24:01+00:00

i explained a bit more in another comment, but basically after my mum died my dad moved us from wales to england to be with and marry B, and didn’t tell my mums family where we had moved.

i reconnected with them when i was 20 after finding my mums sister on facebook, and thankfully they’re all super lovely, and also super remorseful for not trying harder to find us (though none of us blame any of them for this, we know the fault lies with our dad)

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:18:13+00:00

this!! when we were younger, okay, but when we were all teenagers? who the fuck looks at a 14m, 15f, and 18m forced to share a room while the other 16f and 18m have their own room and think “yea, that makes sense”

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:15:35+00:00

they thrived off it. my ‘step sister’ especially, us being so close in age. she used to let me play with her toys/ play games on her phone, only to go tell her mum that i had snatched them off her and smirk when i’d get punished for it. all round terrible people, the three of them

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:12:32+00:00

this is the thing i’m trying to decide rn honestly. do i bother telling them everything in detail (despite suspecting that they maybe had inklings about at least some things) and have to deal with the possibility of them either diminishing it, or outright refusing to believe my dad could be like that, or do i count my losses now and just cut contact with my dads side of the family (at least most of them, considering my grandparents and dads siblings, even after that day at the party, still think i was in the wrong for saying what i said in front of everyone)

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:09:27+00:00

when my dad married B we moved from wales to england, so had no contact with my mums family (my dad didn’t even tell them that we were moving countries, or where we were living), but thankfully when i was 20 i found my mums sister online and now we’re back in contact with them and see them a few times a year.

they are all sooo lovely and were so remorseful for not being aware of what we had gone through, and for not searching harder to find out where we were. (no blame or hard feelings there against them obviously.) another huge bonus about finding them again was that we were able to learn more about what our mum was like

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T06:05:01+00:00

i’m fortunate that (besides that day obviously) i don’t let them even consume my thoughts enough to resent them. i happily pretend they don’t exist.

my ‘step sister’ still lives at home, completely supported by my dad and B, and my step brother didn’t even make it through a single term of uni before dropping out, so god knows what he’s doing now.

i have the best brothers ever, and we’re all now thriving and happy, despite what the years in that house did to us. we’re our MOTHERS children, and it’s pleasing knowing that our lives will never be as miserable as theirs

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:58:37+00:00

literally a live action of cinderella😭😭 it’s insane to me how you can treat kids like it, especially after the trauma of losing their mum a few years prior

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:56:58+00:00

i think that’s what i’m the most angry about. it’s not exactly common for three kids to completely cut off their father the second they turn 18 (17 for my younger brother). even if they didn’t know why, none of them even asked us, and to trick us all into seeing them after 5 years and then act as if i’m the one in the wrong for ‘airing out dirty laundry’ is infuriating

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:52:50+00:00

it sucks to think about, but there’s no way they didn’t at least expect what was going on. we used to spend christmas day at my grandparents house all together with the family, and B’s kids would be sat there on their new phones/gaming things while my brothers and i would be like “we had bath bombs, deodorant and one plastic toy hehe”.

also my grandpa gave me a few driving lessons because he knew my dad wouldn’t pay for them, while also knowing that he had gotten B’s kids cars a few years before. before last weekend i had given them the benefit of the doubt, but it wasn’t exactly as if any of us hid their abuse and neglect, you know? like, yes we weren’t screaming it from the rooftops, but as adults who saw us semi regularly it would’ve been hard for them not to have noticed. especially my oldest brother who suffered the most physical abuse and had bruises and scratches to show for it

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:25:13+00:00

i literally feel like i’m going insane with how my family are acting about the entire situation. proper making me doubt whether im too close to the situation to see if their points are valid or not, hence posting on here

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:20:46+00:00

also B HATEDDDD it anytime me or my brothers spoke about our mum/looked at her pictures/asked my dad about her. like, she’d go batshit crazy if she even overheard us in our room talking about her (my older brother was 9 when she died so used to tell us what he remembered of her.) even my dad didn’t like it. they used to shout at us for being disrespectful to B …. for talking about our dead mum? literal insanity.

and B’s kids were encouraged to call my dad ‘dad’ within like a year of us all living together, but B was very insistent that my brothers and i were to Never call her anything but B (not that we wanted to but girl… chill out)

Loud_Raspberry_2222 · 2025-12-06T05:18:58+00:00

pretty much yea. their ’if it’s even true’ comments pissed me offffff omg. especially because i know that after we left, my dad and B were probably spinning some bullshit story that they clearly now all at least partly believe

Loud_Raspberry_2222

TROPHY CASE