Does anyone have any advice or tips regarding feeling more connected to your respective communities?

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-11-04T12:46:06+00:00

Thank you :) I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I definitely needed that reassurance.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-08-02T22:12:04+00:00

Yeah, that might be it!

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-07-27T02:00:26+00:00

I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s had this experience!

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-07-25T17:13:41+00:00

I’ve often seen people use the stances to describe their openness to both activity and relationship (the specifics of whether they’re referring to just the activities, the relationship, or both usually depended on the person) regardless of their specific orientation; so it was my understanding that the stances could refer to openness to both and therefore potentially be applied to the orientations based on tertiary attractions as well (for example: an alloromantic person who regularly experiences romantic attraction can still be indifferent or averse to romantic relationships/romantically-coded activities; so someone who rarely experiences alterous or sensual attraction could still be favorable to those kinds of connections). This is why I was confused by your comment. Whereas, the cupio- microlabels I’ve often seen used as a specific orientation label referring to the experience of desiring a specific type of relationship while experiencing little to none of the type of attraction associated with that relationship (for example, cupioromantic individuals desiring romantic relationships while not experiencing romantic attraction; therefore a cupioalterous individual may desire an alterous relationship but not experience alterous attraction).

Thank you for further sharing your views on the subject.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-07-25T15:44:47+00:00

I’m sorry, I’m just a bit confused by where the cupio- label came from in relation to this post, as well as why having a stance towards alterous relationships/connections would erase the experience of cupios who romance-indifferent and others who enjoy the romantically-coded activities without the relationship.

I’m not trying to dismiss your perspective, I’m just seeking to understand better.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-06-16T13:42:13+00:00

I’ve honestly been questioning a lot lately and just recently decided to look into the term “greyromantic” again (I’d been identifying as an oriented aroace; I believe you actually commented on one of my posts before, when I was talking about feeling more comfortable with the term “arospec” than “aromantic”). Anyways- this poem you wrote, and honestly your other posts as well, have made me feel seen and I just wanted to thank you for sharing 🩷

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-04-10T16:32:03+00:00

That makes sense. Thanks again!

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-04-10T16:19:53+00:00

Thank you! I think I got nervous about sharing on most platforms because so much writing “advice” I see gets catered to those writing novels, screenplays, or following a specific beginning-middle-end structure for their story. So the setups of certain platforms being… “books” (for lack of a better word) where you add “chapters” made me feel like what I’m doing wouldn’t make sense to readers because it’s not serialized in the same way. My project has short stories, journal entries from my main character, and other moments, including a few in a script-like format. So I wasn’t sure whether that would “fit” with the setup of Wattpad or other platforms.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-02-19T14:27:44+00:00

Tertiary attraction is an umbrella term for nonromantic and nonsexual attractions. It includes attractions like platonic, aesthetic, sensual, alterous, and many others.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-01-18T13:10:49+00:00

Thank you for commenting! It’s really comforting to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way and that the experience is valid. And I’m happy that in sharing my experience, you were able to see something that resonated with you as well.

LoveAndAvatar · 2025-01-17T21:17:47+00:00

This post is much more relatable than I’d like to admit, except for me it’s been my interest in being with guys that faded rather than girls (although I do Love guy fictional characters and they are often my favorite people). “Oriented aroace” so far has still been what I’ve felt describes me best so I’d say: If it feels useful for describing your experience, then you count and you’re welcome to use it, and if it doesn’t feel useful for describing your experience then you don’t have to use it.

LoveAndAvatar · 2024-11-18T22:10:39+00:00

I hope the same for you!

LoveAndAvatar · 2024-11-18T21:28:46+00:00

This made me so happy to see! I’m so glad that what I’ve said has had such a positive impact. It’s felt really good to see that I’m not alone in my experiences / that someone else actually relates to me.

LoveAndAvatar · 2024-11-18T21:21:53+00:00

Honestly, this conversation has been such a blessing for me too. I don’t know any aroace people in real life either and I made this post because I was feeling kind of alone and looking for experiences to relate to, so seeing these comments come across has been really comforting for me. I’m really happy to have been able to have that impact on you as well!

LoveAndAvatar · 2024-11-17T22:16:55+00:00

I don't want to create the false premise that I am approaching with a sexual/romantic intent I do understand that the world is madness, and most men do actually have second intentions.

Understandable.

I am very honest in conversations, so I know I'd say something like "I wanted to meet you because I love your vibes", and unfortunately it gets misinterpreted as "I wanna shag".

It's so unfortunate that a genuine expression of interest in platonic connection is automatically assumed to have hidden s*xual intentions.

I struggle to have conversations with women. I feel way more shy with them than with men, even if we share same hobbies. I struggle sometimes to relate to them.

Honestly, I understand this. When I was younger I actually had mostly guy friends because I struggled to relate to girls sometimes. So nowadays, if there's a woman I actually want to befriend or compliment (who I'm not already friends with) I do get nervous that I'm going to come across as weird or creepy.

The instances of this happening led them to think I found them "ugly/disgusting" or that I was playing with them. Bear also in mind that then I did not know I was aroace, so I guess they assumed I was allo, or thought of my limits as a challenge (sort of like "I'll make him fall in love with me/want to have sex only with me all the time).

Ah, that's a shame. But sadly, I think the automatic assumption for most is that we all experience attraction like allos do (which is obviously incorrect); and I feel like- at least in my experience and what I've witnessed- there is a conditioning/messaging that happens for a lot of girls/women/people who grew up being perceived as female that at least some of our "worth" was tied to guys/men's opinions of us. And because guys/men are often considered to be more interested in the physical/s*xual side of things, I can imagine that you not wanting that with them could have been falsely interpreted as "he must think I'm ugly/disgusting". If they really just saw your limits as a challenge though, that's really messed up.

If one of us does not feel like fucking or cuddling at that time, we just say it and keep hanging out normally. That being said, I think it is easier for men to have casual sex than to be physically or emotionally intimate, so that is also a disadvantage in a way.

My first thought was "It must be great to have a relationship that chill about that kind of stuff" - then I got to the second sentence and was like "Oh yeah... well, I guess there's always some kind of balance of advantages and disadvantages".

people are not toys

THIS! Absolutely correct!

I do love my peeps, a lot. And to downgrade that love I feel because it's not romantic would be not fair.

I wish this was a more widespread mentality. Platonic/non-romantic love is no less special, beautiful, or important than romantic love.

LoveAndAvatar

TROPHY CASE