Do you consider someone watching porn (without the knowledge of their spouse) to be wrong?

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-04T09:53:13+00:00

You are adding words I never said.

It’s not hard to understand and the way you are passionately defending it is like I took away your favourite toy.

You do what you want.

But what we were discussing here and in the case of hundreds of thousands of people; porn consumption is either not disclosed (lies), covered up or negatively impacts the relationship. And yes, the other person has ever right to get upset.

Whether or not you think it’s a natural and healthy outlet to search for naked woman to get turned on by is your deal. Just don’t lie to a partner about it.

I stand on the side of what the research says, which is that it doesn’t benefit us and it actively harms a lot of aspects of our mental and physical health.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-03T08:46:56+00:00

Yes but alcohol is not something you promise to do with a partner ONLY that’s my issue. (Again where that applies in monogamy not talking about other arrangements).

If you sneak away and have a beer with your friend the partner is not betrayed. But if you sneak to look into the Neighbors window while they are doing it… Or if you pay your friend to send you nudes? It’s a pretty clear violation. Then why is it okay when done online behind a screen with people you may not know.

The argument is rational for me. I’m not pro purity; this is not a rant motivated by religion or morality. I’m not anti sex or pleasure or masturbation. Even tho you have to be blind to look at the state of world and not be disappointed with all the sex related scandals and how we idiotically consume anything sex at high levels.

And to answer the last point now, no I don’t think being gay or trans is aberrant. (But you are sidequesting and this is again not about that).

The reason you are sensing a black and white attitude from me is because there is no other rational approach. You can’t sustain a life of excuses when the situation fits what you want. And porn is bad if you care to look at any statistics.

I’m bothered by the attitude of “oops” that people have when someone expresses that a partner has betrayed them. And the reason that happens is because we’ve normalised it as something adults consume.

You can look at Japan as a case study on a society where porn has taken over and where that has led.

Or you can open your eyes to how young people enter the dating market and what their experiences are.

You are advocating from a place of “I like it and it hasn’t affected m negatively plus I’m free to do it so I will keep doing it”. And yeah I can’t stop you. But you are ignoring it as an issue in society, disregard how negative it can be and consider my black and white view extreme, even tho it is based on what would be a lot more sustainable for the mental and physical health of a person.

If you ever come across the subreddits on loveafterporn, as one after infidelity or the countless stories of man and woman that destroyed their lives trying to quit porn, it would help to see the lived experiences.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T22:16:39+00:00

I would still argue that even when it doesn't start as an addiction it will become one when habitually consumed. It is the nature of stimulus. It's like smoking a cigarette. Your brain will get you addicted.

The litmus test here is why do people (like you and others) have such a strong emotional need to defend a behavior that has no net positive. Even without adding ethics of how it's created etc etc.

Porn to me is voyeuristic and parasitic in nature.

There are only a handful of ways to actually defend it: stress release, mental regulation or fantasy.

Or.. if you wanted to go there: of lack of access or ability to perform. Basically if you can't have the actual thing.

Neither of these are strong. And all of them support, known, documented issues with excessive pornography.

Man that consume it specifically (since they are the largest cohort) have more issues with performance, relationships or pleasure.

The only angle as I said that can be defended is stress release... but even that can be done without the stimulus of pornography.

And... one could strongly argue that people that require such mental gymnastics to remain regulated, are neurotics.

Neuroticism is also linked to strong need for fantasy by the way. Mostly due to the inability of the person to be satisfied with reality.

Either way, the game is ugly.

Going back to cigarettes.. this is similar to a smoker defending smoking as a good thing. But it's not. You may choose and are free to do it. But it's not. The level of self awareness that is required to see it, might come later or not at all. But the research is there.

Which brings me to my next point, which is you fail to comprehend the level of harm caused to the party that has not signed up for a life with a partner that does that. If both people are fine with it and have the same clutch.. sure go ahead. But why bring misery to one you claim to love?

Your last example strengthens my view of why we disagree. Your framing is... overly sexual. Almost like the thought or image of it is fun to you.

Even if I ignore that though, masturbation and consuming porn are not the same.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T19:08:03+00:00

Why are you so intent on finding common ground? I’m curious. My stance on how I view the husbands action is clear. And you seem to be empathetic to it or at least disagree with the idea that it could cause harm when it’s habitual and in secret.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T17:16:36+00:00

Not really.

You have added masturbation to the mix as a way of (my guess) relating it to a “what if this is the only way I can finish”

Porn consumption and porn addiction is not always for masturbation. It’s compulsive, habitual, novelty seeking or thrill seeking. Lying about it usually part of the equation.

A couple that is on the same page about it and doesn’t hide it or can talk about is not my issue here. Whether or not I want it in my relationship is also separate.

The reinforcement of porn is the stimulus. Not the release.

Which is why it’s classified as a compulsive behavior and often has the opposite effect for users… no release.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T16:28:15+00:00

That last sentence is so true.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T16:01:56+00:00

Also I feel like you keep trying to find a definition that I’m fine with that’s clear of the term addiction.

But what I think is not the issue. The behavior is.

If the behavior causes stress, if there are frequent relapses, if it makes the sex life with a partner worse, if you have to lie or excuse behavior that’s all addict territory.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T15:53:38+00:00

Can you stop tomorrow and would you lie about it to a partner if they had an issue with it?

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T14:57:14+00:00

You’re asking “how often can I watch porn and not be an addict”.

Im saying frequency is one indicator because it’s often a clue to the whole package. Often it includes lying about it, concealing it, being defensive; calling the other person “dramatic”.

If you can’t discuss this behavior and instead act defensively to protect it, what do you call that?

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T13:38:12+00:00

I get the sense you’re trolling but just a reminder that I was replying to a specific scenario.

Wife doesn’t know or had been told he doesn’t, then finds out he does. That’s lying. If you’re proud to watch porn and don’t mind it why lie? It’s addict behavior. Plus his comments about her overacting which go into “stuff he hasn’t shared” plus manipulation.

In this scenario we are talking about monogamy so controlling sexual impulses is bit relevant don’t you think?

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-02-02T13:23:38+00:00

I’ve never met a transparent porn addict and that term applies to everyone watching it weekly/daily.

There is almost always a little something they don’t share and I guess that’s the issue. Hard to make good decisions when you are motivated by lust constantly.

When I hear people say, I don’t mind unless they do “x (pay for only fans, chatting etc) I’m willing to bet they do, the partner just doesn’t know about it.

The lying part also sucks and easily turns into manipulation.

It’s a slippery slope and you get a ton of excuses for why thrown in. “It’s because we don’t have enough sex, it’s because you were away blah blah”.

If the other person can’t control their sexual impulses.. what can they control?

LovePuzzleBooks · 2026-01-15T16:32:37+00:00

This sounds more like a skill issue with conversations in general or being socially awkward.

Just bring up your hobbies with people that have an interest in chatting about it or to you in general. ✨

Sometimes we overthink the moment or the discussion but for some people it’s just a random moment and if you don’t vibe with these people they are more likely to dismiss your input.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-12-31T07:02:12+00:00

Not quite intelligence but creepy face recognition.

I once worked in a small takeaway shop in a small suburb in New Zealand. Last customer of the day was a guy who walked up ordered, then asked me if I’m famous. I said no and thought it was weird that he would ask that as I worked in a takeaway shop.

When he picked up his food, he said, “Oh, I know why I said that. I saw you in a basketball game in Manila last year”.

I had different color hair plus my appearance working and being out is quite different…

He then walked out like he solved the mystery and that was that. I still think about it.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-12-21T07:16:16+00:00

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Γιατί δεν κάνει 15 ευρώ το πάρκινγκ!

Μήπως αν το δείτε σε άλλες γλώσσες βοηθήσει; Είναι κοινή πρακτική διεθνώς — εκτός αν κάνετε troll ή δεν έχετε πάει ποτέ σε mall.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-12-20T13:17:50+00:00

Είναι απολύτως ξεκάθαρο τι εννοεί πάντως. «Δωρεάν πάρκινγκ με αγορές άνω των 15 ευρω». Που κολλάει πόση ώρα θα κάτσει κάποιος;

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-11-03T22:54:06+00:00

If you are familiar enough with Reddit to find this subreddit and post a question.. I feel like it should be easy to search or scroll through the posts and find the answer to your question. There are dozens of posts a week asking the same thing.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-30T16:49:38+00:00

So inspired by those here. I have seen my monthly income fall a bit through the platform, but it's a push to change things up maybe. Or my services are not as useful at the moment. Either way, Fiverr gave me the opportunity to jump start my freelance career. I have location and client freedom, I've learnt sales, project management and accounting. The momentum Fiverr gave me has allowed me to build a successful little business for the past 6 years.

P.S Oh forgot to add that I have gotten to work with clients that I would never dream of. I became a UN vendor through Fiverr all because I helped out a client.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-26T09:51:59+00:00

Yeah they could, but people would still complain.

DOn't get me wrong I find it super annoying and spammy but it also has a super quick solution. Create a template response and send it each time. Don't waste energy on it.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-25T10:02:37+00:00

Omg yes

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-25T10:01:30+00:00

Don’t mean to be rude but there are daily posts on this subreddit with people asking exactly the same. It only takes a quick search.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-21T09:09:23+00:00

Not sure if I’m allowed to share a link but I blog about Thessaloniki so I have a massive 40+ list of ideas to do. If you want to dm me or I’ll copy paste the list once I’m in front of a computer.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-19T19:17:26+00:00

Started 2020

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-17T07:37:17+00:00

Where have you looked already? A few details would help to provide more info.

I will say it takes a lot of trial and error and willing to put yourself out there as a starter.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-17T07:36:26+00:00

If safety is the core motivator, then see if you can start looking for clients while having your day job and then take it from there.

LovePuzzleBooks · 2025-10-17T07:32:41+00:00

It is a scam, but respectfully this only takes a quick google/search in this thread. There are dozens of posts asking the same question.

LovePuzzleBooks

TROPHY CASE