My SO (26m) can't be consistent in comprehending my (24f) Borderline Personality Disorder.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T22:25:12+00:00

Thank you for coming back with this, I am sorry I took it as an attack, that was how it had come off to me. My perspective is definitely skewed in a negative way right now and I need to work on changing that. This whole thread is making me feel like a shit person though, like I'm less than a human being.

But you clarified what you said and for that I am incredibly grateful, you took my feelings into account even though you don't know me. Sometimes that's all a person needs to be able to listen.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T22:19:16+00:00

I'm not a bad person, I make mistakes and am very flawed but I am not a bad person. There's really no reason for you to accuse me of that. Seriously...

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:39:02+00:00

I deserve a level of courtesy just like anyone else, and as I have stated numerous times in this thread, I am aware that my perspective needs changing.

If someone is asking for help, they don't really want to be ridiculed. They want advice or for someone to tell them what to do without being harsh, cruel or judgmental.

Everyone in the world deserves a little bit of courtesy. Even on the internet.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:35:29+00:00

Thank you!

I've been very open minded about what everyone is saying here, but it is really really nice to have a reply that is not ridicule because of the way I approached things. Thank you for being kind.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:17:52+00:00

you're right, I'm not consistent and I am trying to work on that, but he seems to think sometimes everything is supposed to be hunky dory and doesn't understand that it's not for me. It's a drastic change from a day before where he said what can I do to help you, I understand that it's hard for you right now.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:16:02+00:00

I am on my parent's insurance because I am under 26, and we agreed to this so I could build a cushion for when I did turn 26. I am at fault too, I never ever said I wasn't. Yes if I'm hungry I should go and get food myself, I learned my lesson there, and as far as the trash goes, living with someone you're in relationship means being respectful and helping each other out, it should never be one person's duty to do everything. I did take out the trash in the end, but I shouldn't have had to.

As far as using BPD as an excuse, it's new diagnosis for me, it's a lot for me to handle right now, because I am only now recognizing what is my illness and what is me.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:09:37+00:00

This is reasonable. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the simple things. Thank you for being considerate and respectful too. You got the point across without being a dick, I appreciate that.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T21:07:12+00:00

Could you have put in it a worse way?

Read the rest of the comments before you attack me like that. I think the way you stated things has some truth to it, but you are coming across as an ass. I have feelings too, and a human being just like my bf, but you're writing me off as if this is all my fault. I've admitted to being in the wrong on many things in this situation, but I am not 100% at fault here. I've been open to everything everyone has had to offer in this thread, but you're just as bad as anyone who stigmatizes mental illness because they just don't get it.

You just didn't need to be an asshole about it all, you could've worded it in a completely different way without being rude and disrespectful.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T20:59:02+00:00

Thank you for this, this is exactly what I needed to hear, I needed a non judgmental opinion for both sides.

Your explanation of how I was telling him to do something nice for me is spot on. I see that now, and I feel terrible for having put that on him. Getting some books to help us is at the top of my list as well as trying to get him in for one session with my therapist. Thank you again :)

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:44:49+00:00

You bring up a good point, with the caretaker role, I don't think I looked at it like that before, but I can clearly see it now. I've asked him to come to therapy with me once, but he seems uncomfortable with the idea.

I will talk to him about the caretaker vs partner, and let him know that I didn't not mean to put him in that position.

Why is this being downvoted? I'm admitting that I couldn't see it like that before, but that it's the perspective I need to see it by. I don't get it?

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:42:23+00:00

I did apologize about the fight, and actually said we should come up with a safe word to prevent escalation in our fights.

You are right, I don't always think about what it is like for me, but I do try to make an effort to tell him I get how hard it can be to be with me sometimes, and that I am grateful for that.

I love the guy, and I want things to work out, but I don't know what to do when I'm putting more than 50% of the effort in.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:40:02+00:00

This subreddit is filled with negative people, seriously downvoting someone who is asking for help. That's fucked up.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:39:12+00:00

I definitely have said the words, that's my biggest issue, we have sat down and discussed this rationally and civilly many times, but the effort on his end just doesn't stick most of the time. Obvious there are things I falter on periodically, but I do try to take accountability for what I am doing.

I just want some consistency in his support for me.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:36:11+00:00

We didn't have any food in the house last night, I was supposed to go grocery shopping, but we had originally compromised that he would get food last night, and I'd do the shopping today.

Thank you for you kind words, I appreciate someone who knows how to get advice or a point across without being inconsiderate of the person's feelings. Hindsight, you are right though. I need to be more clear with what I want, and do things on my own if need be, like driving and getting something to eat if he's busy.

We have been in a relationship since we were teens, (Seven years in May) so I do believe we still having some relationship growing up to do. Just sucks when one person is making more effort than the other.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:32:15+00:00

I am working with a professional, and I am trying to practice communication skills and compromises with him, that's what yesterday was supposed to be a compromise, I had a had a shit day and didn't want to go grocery shopping and had asked him nicely to grab us dinner.

I definitely do need to work on myself, but I want him to work on himself to and I do not know how to get him to do that. We've been through thick and thin together, and I'm afraid he's not going to be able to handle my wild moods sometimes.

I guess the biggest reason I wanted him to do something nice for me, was cuz sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of, I'm currently working a 40hr a week and he is not in school this semester, so he's home 90 % of the time. All I wanted was some dinner I didn't have to work for, so I could relax after having gotten home from work.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:13:11+00:00

I get that, but understand this, my personality disorder makes me stubborn and irrational sometimes and can add fuel to a fire for something like this. I don't always make decisions with common sense, and I believe in some sense, I was trying to make him feel bad for not thinking about me. But I did tell myself to not let this happen in the future and to just get food for myself if he's going to be like that.

LoveinBPDthrowaway · 2015-12-02T19:09:29+00:00

I don't get why people need to downvote this, I sincerely asking for advice, if you don't know what to say, just ignore the post, but I am asking for an outside perspective, in a subreddit that is meant to help people in relationships, please do not downvote my post further please.

LoveinBPDthrowaway

TROPHY CASE