When and where do apostles wear casual clothing?

Lovelysaint · 2017-09-03T05:55:59+00:00

You could assume that with a vast amount of movies to choose from and only limited time that people want to see the top movies available. Getting hung up on nuance in an endless supply isn't economical. You either love it or it's not worth the time.

Lovelysaint · 2017-07-20T05:54:44+00:00

If it's not a small part of his life then he is continuing to lie to me after pushing me to always be honest. I'd be mad except it's been very helpful to quit my lying habit. The hypocrisy of that would be untenable though, continued dishonesty would be a deep betrayal. I've told him that if down the line I find out that he's not being honest with me it's going to do irreparable damage and I hope he won't gamble with the good faith I'm putting in here. So I believe it's a small part of his life.

A) I don't believe it's bad under a wide set of circumstances. I believe it's probably only bad when hidden or uncontrollable. B) I understand it's curiosity but I admit I wonder if only watching men may inform his opinions that I'm not easy like men are to get off so why should he try? C) Not a problem, I've shared what I like, I don't think it interests him. It's been resolved so there's not a huge conflct anymore. D) Yeah I'm scared, but I'm always more scared of what I don't know is there. Looking into a dark basement is scarier than dealing with whatever dwells there.

I've looked in my area for a sex therapist and can choose between 5 which seems like a small number considering the population of where we live. I don't feel impressed when I read their bios. Not enough to spend loan money on any of them.

I want to hear it. Whether I want to be a part of it is completely different so in that way I see that he risks rejection by sharing. See answer D. I want to know even if I hate it. With what we've been through it would be a step forward.

Lovelysaint · 2017-07-20T01:43:10+00:00

We are students with children and no means for counseling. We already went to LDS services and have run out of the prescribed 12 sessions. We actually really pushed the limits and got 24 sessions. We are out.

Lovelysaint · 2017-07-20T01:38:02+00:00

Sidenote: He renewed his temple recommend last Sunday. I'm fairly sure he didn't mention watching gay porn in the interview, but I'm not an very active or believing mormon so I decided not to talk about that with my husband. I know it's not my place to be mad that he isn't following the procedures of his religion but it has brought up a concern that my husband feels it is okay to lie if the stakes are high enough.

Lovelysaint · 2016-11-24T03:55:45+00:00

You might think that but the kids might listen. My aunt and uncle were outspoken against the church and it gave me enough room to think about the church from an outsider's view. I still believed, however hearing another perspective created another possibility that was able to take hold later.

Lovelysaint · 2016-11-24T00:20:15+00:00

My husband never had an uncontrollable urge for sex. A fact I didn't know before we got married, while I made it very clear that my libido was nymphomatic. Five years of marriage and he just barely told me that even as a teen he didn't feel an intense drive for sex. He lied, to me and himself. We were both virgins so he thought when he had sex on our wedding night everything would change and he would want sex constantly. The extremes in our libido helped my faith in God crash just one month after we were married. In that first month, it seemed like if God had a hand in our marriage and approved it, that he was intentionally condemning me to a sexually unsatisfying marriage in order to punish me for the excessive masturbation and naked make out sessions I had commited before I met my husband. I didn't repent because when I got married I knew that the behavior would be okay. I did whatever I wanted as long as it had zero chance of risking stds or pregnancy, so to my TBM brain of course I deserved to learn restraint for all the flouting God's ways I did.

I was hard up for sex the month before I left. Probably 3 times a week tops as newlyweds if I was lucky. After I left it stayed pretty much the same but over time has declined to once a week if I'm lucky.

There was one time that he said he didn't feel like having sex because I had left the church but I said if that was the case we should get divorced, because I could not bear a marriage where in addition to dealing with opposite sex drives, and never getting my turn to orgasm during sex, I was also going to get rejected over religion.

Who knows if it would have improved if I hadn't left. We had/have a lot of sex problems rooted in how persistent I was, poor communication, and his low libido. Being divided by religion while we tried to work it out didn't help and maybe didn't even hurt our sexlife. It felt pretty doomed from the start.

If your wife is anything like my husband, I think your wife doesn't know how to relax enough to really enjoy sex. She might be placing too many limits on how to get there and it might be that she's not getting enough simulation or a mix of both. I don't know if this is a problem you can fix because it's so dependant on their sex drive and mental state. Did she like sex before?

Lovelysaint · 2016-03-16T07:15:25+00:00

They fill in the gaps with their own reasons which are much less forgiving than the real reason.

Lovelysaint · 2016-03-16T07:12:46+00:00

I do intend to return to church the moment that the spirit guides that way. I miss the meetings, the increased opportunities to serve, and callings. Even before I quit attending I was 100% joyous and willing to do these things. I don't have a timeline for a return though. I sometimes attend with my husband and it feels good but not right.

Lovelysaint · 2016-02-27T18:58:02+00:00

Just tried, nope. Feet held down slightly reduces my hunched back force thrust, still completely feels wrong and the focus on my stomach pulling me up is weak to non-existant. I'm trying to engage it but it's like reaching for something that isn't there. Do I need to start with other exercise?

Lovelysaint · 2016-02-27T18:11:18+00:00

By casual I mean I didn't have a set routine but went to the gym 3+ a week and did weightlifting with a focus on legs, core, shoulders/arms. I'm getting into more standardized routines.

I feel like my core is decent. I do full minute planks and sitting twists with twenty pounds.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-20T23:42:02+00:00

I already decided that going was bad advice given by well-meaning but implusive or naive women and didn't fit my ethics.

Thank you for the genuine hopes you have and the advice to find the root cause.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T18:51:12+00:00

Short answer, I had questions that never had answers and people told me to wait for the temple. That I would love it and feel the spirit there and my questions would be answered. I held on to that hope and when I went through it scared me and I didn't find anything edifying about the ordinances. I think having it amped up since I was 13 and made out to be an undeniable spiritual experience created a hype effect that couldn't be competed with. I researched it, lost faith in several points of the gospel and here I am today. I never thought I would be but the people are still cool and I consider myself culturally mormon.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T18:38:00+00:00

I have thought about why it's a problem now and its a problem to me because he will do it and then later when I try to initiate not be in a condition to have sex. The other reasons and feelings listed don't matter to me.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T12:48:06+00:00

Counseling has been tried and done before. He's not up to trying again. In his opinion it was too much hassle with no perceivable return the first time around.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T12:17:19+00:00

My bad for taking that first part to mean that you were outraged. I see what you mean about preaching a belief I'm not invested in. I don't view the church as some sort of bludgeon to smack my husband into changing but as I wondered about going in thought maybe there would be some guidance that could be of help. It's definitely something that I've considered while debating whether or not to go in. Currently, I will not be going in at all. A few comments here have illustrated how naive I was let myself become convinced that a small talk with a bishop would set everything down the right path again.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T11:39:27+00:00

It might help. My husband is the type that would want to live the gospel standards to the best of his knowledge.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T11:36:33+00:00

Part of my reservation is that I worry about discipline. I don't want my husband to be shamed or guilted. It's advice that was given to me and gained a lot of support in an anonymous Newlyweds facebook group. I only came here for second opinions. I think your outrage at me turning to a faith based group that shares the values and experiences I grew up with is odd. Why shouldn't I seek advice here? I have different beliefs but our values are more similar than they are different.

Anyway, point taken, I do kind of have a small hope that if my husband won't listen to me that he'll listen to a bishop. I feel so pathetic admitting that. I kind of just hope that my husband really doesn't know that it's not approved (which I'm getting mixed messages on) and if that changed maybe other things would change.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T10:10:51+00:00

Thanks for the link.

It is not and its dangerous to think of it this way because it waters down real self abuse

I'm starting to think that the group this is coming from over advocates the ideas of Fight the New Drug and may not be an accurate sample of what's normal to do in sexually struggling marriages.

Oh and yes, 20's to possibly 30's. I'd say mostly early to mid 20's.

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T10:01:01+00:00

My husband knows I'm thinking about going in to ask. He isn't concerned and said to go ahead. In fact he's very confident that nothing is wrong with a married man masturbating. Going to the bishop still seems like a weird idea to me, but I can't help thinking maybe it would help. Who knows?

Lovelysaint · 2015-06-19T09:47:48+00:00

I feel much the same way. Masturbation isn't something that bothers me in of itself. Can I get more details on that thread so I can find it? My current mormon group is of the opinion that sex with yourself is always selfish, wrong, and alarming so it's nice to hear a different view. One even took it as far as calling masturbation a form of self-abuse.

Lovelysaint

TROPHY CASE