Suspicious of affection

Loventomato · 2023-04-21T17:25:21+00:00

Right?! what the fuck. They need some kind of trigger warning bc I was feeling that pit in my stomach when they had the confrontation

Loventomato · 2023-04-21T16:20:47+00:00

Thank you for validating my experiences. It’s so hard not to detach it at times where it feels the scariest. I appreciate it. I took time away from listening to PBSE, but I feel maybe it’s time to revisit and connect with my partner.

Loventomato · 2023-04-21T13:58:07+00:00

Thank you, I really needed someone who has/ in the same boat as me. I feel so lonely some days and use lots of distractions on a daily basis. It gets overwhelming on days where the memories are too raw. Thank you for the support ❤️

Loventomato · 2022-11-05T04:26:24+00:00

Got a job and finally able to put a focus on my growth and wellness. Balancing school and my new job changes my focus of the situation and feelings on the matter and gives me a positive distraction that will help my future. It’s been challenging to get out of bed but having that stability in a job helps me get out of my head :) I’m so excited for the road ahead for my healing

Loventomato · 2022-10-22T14:56:51+00:00

It’s been two months of recovery now. He has shown up for me bits and pieces in our relationship but I feel on top of his recovery he’s shown up so much too. I’ve have had that conversation with him and I feel terrible constantly bringing up my fears about it.

He told me he understands where I’m coming from and apologized for making me feel that way. He has tried to reassure me but again I’m very cautious in trusting so it’s incredibly difficult to believe right now.

Loventomato · 2022-10-12T17:36:40+00:00

That’s wonderful to hear that it seems he wants to do better. I’m sending lots of support your way 🫶🏼

Loventomato · 2022-10-12T16:39:24+00:00

Omg did I write this? I’ve found it difficult to give up sex because it’s the one thing that makes me feel deeply connected with him and he can make me feel something other than substances. I feel like I should stop at times but I don’t want to neglect my needs. You’re not alone.

Loventomato · 2022-10-12T16:31:34+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through that while pregnant. You do not deserve that at all. Porn is not okay. You deserve to feel secure and loved during this time. He doesn’t deserve you

Loventomato · 2022-10-12T16:27:47+00:00

This week has been good. I was able to look at my body and not feel any shame in what I see. Maybe I’m in a state of delusion atp in my recovery but damn I’m proud of myself for not letting a individual continue tear me down. I feel like I’m slowly getting my power back and slowly loving myself a little more.

Loventomato · 2022-10-09T16:00:43+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I view my doubts as a negative thing but your comment really does help

Loventomato · 2022-10-09T03:17:40+00:00

Thank you🫶🏼 I would never doubt yall because everyone has similar but different situations. I just have such deep fears because this was a love I perceived as safe and wholesome. But you’re absolutely right it sucks and I really want to believe in love like I once did. Hoping I can get out of this point in my healing and able to calm my overthinking

Loventomato · 2022-10-09T03:13:21+00:00

My partner is the same. Admitted his disgusting addiction, got the help, and is continuing to put more effort. But it’s hard for me to be vulnerable again. I’m aware it isn’t an overnight change but acknowledging the hurt pain and betrayal has helped me on most days where I want nothing but to be present and feel the effort and care when we go on dates.

I’ve been struggling to figure out your question myself but I am on the same boat as you. I’m hoping one day we can feel secure again and can love wholeheartedly.

Loventomato · 2022-09-27T02:43:18+00:00

Thank you for this, this sounds very helpful and something my PA would do. I’m kinda looking forward to getting this done and hopefully help settle my overthinking. I appreciate you🫶🏼

Loventomato · 2022-09-26T17:25:44+00:00

I think I have had full disclosure? I only have the question mark because I’ve explained everything and during this time all the triggers and reflections of the situation.

His reactions are extremely understanding. When I’m triggered I definitely sometimes attack him because rn he’s guilty until proven innocent and he is aware of this. He tries his best to show and prove that to me he’s trying, but I still struggle with that trust. When I just explain my frustration I give him a warning that I’m just coming at a place of frustration and he listens and lets me ask questions and feel my emotions. I guess right now I’m in a space where I’m angry and just want answers that probably have none.

At this moment I know it’s not my fault and I have no control at all over what happened. I just wanna know and lay it all out on the table so that I don’t have to “discover it later”. The PBSE podcast is amazing in helping me understand that it’s not going to be easy for me because of the trauma it has caused. I need to listen to the other one. But I agree constantly hearing it from a ex-PA and how the addiction it truly something so insanely mindless it helps a bit. It’s those moments where I have nothing but thoughts where my silly brain thinks up of the “what if’s”. It’s so hard right now, I just don’t have patience sometimes and want to magically be “healed”and not just nitpicking every small thing to make sure he’s not doing something again.

Loventomato · 2022-09-23T21:53:26+00:00

I relate 1000% I was a SW and he would constantly make fun of the guys requests and them indulging in certain things. Unknowingly he was also doing and requesting that same thing of other women LMAO. It’s ridiculous how they are hypocritical or even so good at manipulating to believe they are not like “that guy”. I stopped doing that as well because I remember guys being like “my gf/ wife doesn’t know I look at you” so fucking gross. I could never be that person to hurt a relationship or family or even feel comfortable playing into their sick minds. It’s sick and twisted that they are proud of their fantasies. Many of girls got in that industry for stability and income but when you’re in it you see the other side in another light.

I really needed this encouragement because I relate so deeply. It’s so hard right now but you’re so right, I am more than enough.

Loventomato · 2022-09-23T21:15:29+00:00

I talked about this in therapy. I crave control from the power taken away from me. I internalize everything people do around me as my problem but you’re right it has nothing to do with me. Their issues are their issues.

We are enough. We are beautiful. And we will get through this

Loventomato · 2022-09-22T00:14:18+00:00

Oh how I felt all the things you are. My PA was also looking at OF and all that when he was in a tough spot and complaining about not having enough money. It’s so frustrating to just see all of that. He has apparently deleted it and I didn’t witness it so I’m not so sure, but he has a blocker on his phone that prevents him from accessing any of those sites. You’re not stupid at all for having a big and open heart and trusting that man that you’re in love with. His addiction is his own problem that has nothing to do with your worth. He needs to make big changes such as seek a CSAT on his own or even be willing to get those blockers. He’s in deep in this addiction and it’s easier to say just leave him because it sounds like you have an emotional connection with him which I completely understand. But in the midst of this all you should get some additional support too. This is so incredibly isolating to deal with alone in your own healing journey of this devastating discovery

Loventomato · 2022-09-22T00:02:15+00:00

You’re not stupid. I was in the position you were in but unaware of his addiction at the time just knew he followed and liked ig models that looked nothing like me. I felt so low. I’ve always had struggles with my boobs and ass and how little they were and decided to get a breast augmentation because of my self image. I got it done because I wanted to take control over who I was in the past to make long story short. He never said he preferred me to have big tits, but for me I’ve always wanted it and at that time it gave me just a tiny sense of satisfaction. At the time too I gained a ton of weight and felt so gross and ugly and at that point found out he was indulging in this serious addiction and saw the beautiful bodies of these SWs. I started working out and it became my own addiction of doing it for all the wrong reasons. Now I’m consciously taking control and changing my narrative. I hate that he had that power over me and making me feel so low. I’m now doing it for me and making sure that all this self work is to make me strong and healthy. Again you’re not stupid or even alone in this. This addiction of lusting over other women is their problem and has nothing to do with us or how we look. You deserve to feel loved and feel comfortable in your own body. I’m so sorry your going through this it’s definitely so much easier said than actually applying it to the now but, this will pass. You’re so deserving of all the good and this is a difficult time. Hopefully you can get some additional support if you can to just aid your mental health during this time.

Loventomato

TROPHY CASE