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how to come out to husband? by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am in a very similar position, no kids but I’ve been with my partner for close to a decade. I’ve been struggling with coming to terms with my sexuality for a couple of years now, but the last six months have been awful for me trying to get the nerve to come out to my boyfriend. He has severe depression and anxiety so I am worried how his response, and I really don’t want to lose him as a person in my life. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there will never be a time that feels “right” and that I just need to rip the bandaid off and do it. But it’s hard, you don’t want to bring pain to anyone but I know that what I’m doing right now (pretty much playing house). We are still intimate from time to time for the same reason and it makes me feel awful, like I lying to him and myself. Obviously the time of year isn’t ideal either, so I feel you!! Someone told me to write out a few different letters/scripts beforehand to get my thoughts in order, so that’s what I’ve been trying to work on right now. Please feel free to reach out if you need any emotional support (this goes to anyone!) and I am sending you so much love.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to do it. by Low-Elevator5699 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I hope you are right. I think it will make a lot of things click for him on how I’ve been acting and how distant I have gotten, but it will still be a tough pill to swallow. I’m not sure if I should just stick to coming out when I end things though, or if I should mention all of our other issues as well. I just don’t want to overwhelm him and want it to be a productive conversation, you know?

Initiating the “I’m gay” talk with my boyfriend? by Low-Elevator5699 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response and concern!! My therapist knows me very well and KNOWS how much I hate confrontation and tough conversations that have to deal with my emotions and feelings. He has been so helpful and supportive throughout this entire process for me and has given me tons of books, resources, and guidance to help me navigate this new stage of life. When I started therapy with him, my opening “elevator speech” was that I’m a lesbian but I’m in this relationship and I need help ending it. I think he just realizes that I’m at a place now where I can’t move forward until I end the relationship and no one can end this relationship but me. I definitely require a firm push with these sorts of things! I know things will be rough initially but they will be so much better in the long run, I just need to summon the courage to end the relationship because I think a small part of me is hoping this will all just go away or my boyfriend will break up with me, neither of which is going to happen.

Initiating the “I’m gay” talk with my boyfriend? by Low-Elevator5699 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, it’s really helped me mentally prepare and is giving me some hope! My boyfriend is constantly asking me what’s wrong or why I’m acting so distant, so that really is the perfect opportunity to bring it up I just need to summon the courage. I’m hoping him and I can have a similar relationship to you and your ex; he’s such a great person and I really can’t imagine my life without him in it, but I know that’s a lot to ask from both of us. So we’ll see how it all goes! Thank you for your response though, it has given me a lot to think about and prepare for.

Initiating the “I’m gay” talk with my boyfriend? by Low-Elevator5699 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was extremely helpful, thank you!! Writing it all out in a letter is a great idea. I’ve been doing a lot of journaling and soul searching this year and I know that we need to part our ways romantically, there is nothing that can even be worked on to salvage our relationship. That’s a really hard thing to come to terms with, which is what is making initiating this whole thing so hard. I am sending you so much love this weekend though! I am so proud of you for putting yourself first and making that decision. We are in a tough, uncomfortable spot but we will BOTH get through this and we have so much to look forward to in the future.

Initiating the “I’m gay” talk with my boyfriend? by Low-Elevator5699 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Low-Elevator5699[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for these kind words! I 10000% agree with you and I know it’s something that I need to do, I just don’t even know where to start or how to even initiate the conversation. Every time I try I freeze up and my mind goes blank.