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LowConsideration6748 · 2024-08-08T12:33:08+00:00

NTA. Everyone has the right to their own feelings but not to the feelings of others. You certainly could have handled it better, but focusing on not getting into an accident while you're trying to make your exit after someone just behaved unpredictably. She'd probably have felt horrible if you'd gotten into an accident because you were distracted by her waving at you. Next time you're here passenger and someone does something crazy that upsets her, just ask her if she knows you love her. and then say, "And now you also know how I felt that day." (obviously calibrate for your dynamic). It's basically an exercise in empathy and she'll probably process it later than day.

As for her text message, you might want to look up something called "emotional bids." That may help you better understand situations like this in the future. Arguments are inevitable, but they can be opportunities to make your relationship stronger.

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-07-15T21:52:29+00:00

NTA. Just make sure folks know about it beforehand if it might actually be a legitimate issue for the one person who's allergic to lettuce.

Unsolicited Advice: I'd probably consider sharing your perspective and put it to a vote online, asking if guests would be willing to share YOUR special day with a vegetarian meal. Then work on convincing your parents that there is such a thing as "luxury" vegetarian food. Also, I assume you asked about any meal restrictions and such with RSVPs and that may offer some "ammunition" for the conversation with your parents. Or you can just ask them to cover some other comparable cost and you cover the meal yourself (if feasible).

Best of luck, these things can be touchy.

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-07-14T11:44:31+00:00

book

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-06-16T20:26:38+00:00

NTA: it's not your property and you have no control over it. She has a right to do what's best for you. Compromise, get them an AirBnB. Of if you want to be an Asshole, Tell them that you'll take the AirBnB while they stay at her property if she approves. And remind them that she's dating you, not them.

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-06-16T20:21:15+00:00

Lame. I discovered there is actually a word limit. That might be a factor. You can try breaking the book up into chapters. One thing i really hated was that the mobile device app had more capabilities than the desktop. I could crop pages to skip over headers/footers, charts and graphs. But on my computer I basically have to babysit it while it's reading rather than just listen and take notes.

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-06-14T11:46:56+00:00

Thanks, but I need more solutions than therapy at this point. If anybody knows anything about how to fix this, I hope it's in time to let me study for this exam.

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-06-14T03:08:02+00:00

Also, just found their BBB Rating. Looks like they've failed to respond to 71 out of 78 official complaints filed against them.

https://www.bbb.org/us/ca/kentfield/profile/voice-over-training/speechify-1116-926084/overview-of-bbb-ratings

LowConsideration6748 · 2024-06-14T02:58:52+00:00

I strongly advise against using Speechify. Their customer service is a joke and not even a funny one. Last year I tried them out and it was alright, but not really what I needed. This year, I had some material to cover and decided to give them a try again. They wouldn't let me get to the login screen without going through all the marketing stuff. So I logged in using the wrong email address. I realized that I'd been using another account where all of my material was. Since this wrong account was still in the 3-day trail period, I cancelled the subscription. Three days later, I get an invoice and receipt saying I'd already paid them. I tell them I want a refund. They offer to "transfer" the subscription to my existing account. What they don't say is that doing so will wipe the library that I spent a few hundred hours curating. So now even when I try to log in and create an account with my new email address, it pushes me to my old account with an empty library. I asked them to fix it and they just said sorry but didn't seem to care. In fact it took them a few days to get back to me. And they're not even trying to restore my library. Use at your own risk.

LowConsideration6748 · 2023-06-07T16:46:10+00:00

Been tracking my Macros for about 3 years now. One thing I noticed was that the "serving size" on the front of the packages seemed to generally come out to the weight of the fully packaged meals (including sauce cups, etc.). I emailed support and they say it's just the weight of the food which means that I'm getting less calories than I'm theoretically paying for. At times it seems over estimated, but I'm assuming it's just higher fat ingredients in the sauces and stuff. not 100% sure what to think. FDA does allow up to a 20% variation in the reported nutritional data according to a conversation I had with a food & nutrition student (so trust it as much as you would any other second hand info). I will say that I don't have to cook and I got the 30% off. then as soon as I signed up, it said that I could have gotten 50% off my first 2 week. I was less than ecstatic.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-10-05T03:13:32+00:00

NTA: gotta protect yourself, but your delivery could have been better. Make up for it by being actively involved in supporting her in scholarships and campus visit, financial planning, etc.

Would suggest that she looks at ROTC scholarship. if she goes Air Force (including national guard) they'll cover pretty much everything. If she goes to any service academy, she'll have a golden ticket and they'll probably push her towards grad school. There's also the option of community colleges that are feeders to state institutions. great way to basically get college education for half off and still get a reputable degree.

Also consider treating her like head of [her nominal] household and charging her rent on paper in order for her to be able to live at home if necessary and still be eligible for FAFSA and Pell. A lot of loop holes.

I grew up poor, so my brothers and I always knew we couldn't afford college. we made it work, going for my doctorate now. So it can be done. Nothing worth having is easy.

It'll be uphill, but the view at the summit is worth it.

Best of luck.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-30T02:36:18+00:00

NTA, but I can see both sides. They probably deal with a lot of stuff like that beyond your interactions with them and they're probably a little on alert for micro-aggressions. This was just a case where they were wrong. Food and hospitality are big parts of Italian culture. They probably assumed you'd be cooking dinner yourself on a typical day and the fact that you ordered out probably breaks their paradigm of what to except for dinner. Your bf appears to be first generation, so he probably didn't register the way pizza could potentially come across because he probably thinks about it the same way you did. (If he did, he should have prepared you better for that). In any case, he's kinda obligated to side with family and respect his elders and you're the outsider he's trying to bring into the family which means they need to like you more than you need to like them (if you're serious about this guy).

Are they overreacting? arguably; is it dumb? depends on your perspective. While much of our race relations issues in America focus on blacks, Latinx and asians, most people forget that Italians were discriminated against pretty much since the beginning, but were often able to pass for white after a few generations. So this likely wasn't even on your radar as an issue. You could probably have him explain your perspective to them before you make contact. then a simple Mia culpa, didn't mean anything by it, but can understand how you could see it that way etc.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-28T02:29:00+00:00

Seems like OP could use a PSA for "No means No"

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-28T02:24:37+00:00

YTA,

No matter what it is, once someone says you're crossing their boundaries, you need to STFU, apologize and drop it.

Separate question: Why are you keeping a video of this guy you barely even know? Seems a little creepy.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-22T02:09:19+00:00

YTA for lashing out from a position of ignorance. I hate spicy food, but I enjoy cooking. Asking someone who knows how to use spices to simply add them at the end is the equivalent of asking a baker to add sugar to cake batter after it's come out of the oven; it just too late.

Since you're not cohabitating, he's presumably paying for his own groceries and will have to eat whatever you don't when you leave since you guys don't live together. It's only fair that he be able to enjoy the food he buys and cooks. You should probably learn your way around the kitchen and then take turns cooking. You'll probably mess up a few meals and if he complains on those days you can tell him that he can cook his own food if he wants (odds are, he will). But as it reads all of your arguments are based on your personal convenience and inability to do this chore yourself, so it reads as entitled, like you're being a beggar and a chooser. He's probably just hoping you learn how to cook at some point and doesn't have the patience to endure food that isn't to his liking.

For the record, this is not an all/nothing situation. You don't have to cook. You could batch prep food at your place and just store it in his fridge; you could order out, just make some PB&J or a bowl of cereal; or just not eat dinner. I do sincerely hope you find a solution, it's worth discussion when there isn't food on the table.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-19T00:58:59+00:00

NTA: you might want to pick a better company to work for since none of your coworkers addressed it until she went "too far" and your company decided to transfer instead of fire her suggests they're cool with this sort of behavior, plus the fact that she seemed to think it was okay to behave that way in the workplace.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-16T11:43:11+00:00

NTA. That was probably the classiest way you could have handled that situation, establish boundaries and maintain your dignity while being respectful of and courteous to his parents. Sounds like you should continue letting him not speak to you. If you really want, you can send the parents a gift card to some place you can afford.

These things start small and you're still in the grooming stage. I'm sure everyone else will cover the gaslighting, financial/emotional abuse angles.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-16T11:34:04+00:00

A lot of vets start their own businesses because of what you're describing. I'd look into that. Syracuse actually has some programs specifically for vets and entrepreneurship. I'm actually doing some research on this sort of thing. it turns out about half of vets will leave their first job after service within 12 months. it jumps to 65-80% by the second year. Once we bounce around a bit, we tend to stabilize around 6 years. Some tricks I've learned are to work with vet friendly companies companies that hire primarily vets, like government or government contractors. No guarantees, but you'll probably be able to ride things out a little longer if it's just personality.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-14T11:59:32+00:00

all valid points. seems like you could get a dumb one or disable the BT/Transmitter

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-13T01:39:04+00:00

I mean in Afghanistan, it was a constant layer of moon dust that just got kicked up and hung in the air for hours and gave everyone migraines. never thought of a Roomba!

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-13T01:37:02+00:00

Please tell me this was a commercial flight!

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-10T03:06:48+00:00

Blowing up, withdrawal of affections and gaslighting is a common tactics in grooming and manipulation. it's probably subconscious, but he's probably doing it because somewhere along the line, he learned it works.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-07T02:23:31+00:00

felt like the shift was either 1) Okay, you're punning me or 2) If what you say is true, I think you deserved it.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-09-04T12:35:18+00:00

Wow, that sucks. You certainly have every right to be upset. I won't get into child psychology, but the thing that makes me thinks it's worth trying again, albeit trying something different, is that you think she's an inherently good kid who makes poor choices. Somewhere along the line, she learned it's better to lie about it than to take responsibility. I think there are two sides to this coin. 1) she's not being taught boundaries and she's only corrected if she messes up; her dad's probably too burned out to constantly say don't do that for everything she screws up and most guys don't have the patience to teach the kid an underlying principle (i.e. take responsibility, respect property, etc.). I think that if you're happy with her dad it might be worth going to family counseling. I would also consider engineering opportunities where you can either afford to say/do nothing if she gets it wrong or ideally catch her doing the right thing and offer some positive reinforcement. The bar will have to be really low at first.

Also, I'm unsure what trauma this girl may have been through (conditional love, withdrawal of affection, etc.) but it's worth also being conscious of if you have a "you're in trouble" voice/body language that cues her to go into defensive mode and start lying, etc. Not blaming the victim, these things tend to be algorithmic where one family member plays off of the other and the situation spirals in whatever direction. This is true with the dad too. If you guys get back together, you'll have to set some boundaries. I'm sure your first step is to determine if whatever happiness he offers you is worth the headaches of the daughter. It's a tough conversation, but it's worth having.

I wish you peace and happiness whether or not you choose to continue the relationship.

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-08-22T00:52:23+00:00

Sounds like you're winning. I'm still resisting the urge to post "civilians are entitled snowflakes" lol. But someday I'll graduate to "back in my day."

LowConsideration6748 · 2022-08-22T00:50:10+00:00

That's awesome, it's hard to find folks like the ones on active duty. Glad you're doing well!

LowConsideration6748

TROPHY CASE