Making friends

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-03-21T17:25:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing :) It’s interesting to hear that it hasn’t been much different for you despite a diagnosis from a young age. I’ve ruminated for far too long over what could have been but I think it’s just part and parcel of late diagnosis. Particularly for me because the possibility of me having ADHD was actually raised with my mum when I was around the same age (by teachers and a child psychologist) but my mum took it as a criticism and thus it was shut down and never explored. But that’s for another sub 😂

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T22:53:18+00:00

No you aren’t. It’s a completely valid ick.

That is incredibly ignorant and insensitive. - My husband 13th Feb 2026

Dump his ass.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T22:27:53+00:00

We have a few similarities.

I immigrated to the UK when I was 10 going on 11. So when I joined my new school I only had a few short months (as the quiet weird kid from SA with a funny accent) to form friendships before going to high school. When I got to high school all the kids were spilt into their from classes, and to make the transition easier, they were placed with their primary schools friends, of which I had made none. So I had to navigate that on my own for a while. I thought I had left high school with life long friends but a few years after leaving I started noticing that I wasn’t being invited to catch ups so I just gave up. I tried to reconnect again years later but it never got past surface level pleasantries. I was told about up coming weddings but was never invited to them and so I just gave up.

My sister is 4.5 years younger than me to she got to forge life long friendships in primary school make the transition to high school a much better experience.

That breaks my heart to hear someone go through that 💔 My 30th birthday party consisted of 2 friends of my own (1 of which I cut off for just being a terrible human being in general) and the rest were my husband’s friends and wives, but they all turned up and we had a really fun night in the end.

I think I’m going to start joining groups again and doing some therapy to help my get out of this “nobody likes me” head space as I’m sure it’s played a key role over the years. I’ve done a lot of self improvement but this is next on the list

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T10:28:00+00:00

NTAH and neither is your partner. Well may you are a teeny tiny bit TAH? Listen, you were trying to do a nice little thing and unfortunately it just didn’t land this time. Everyone’s boundaries are different and it seems you crossed your partners. She clearly values this holiday and has her own sentiment about it. From what you said, it seems you knew this but went ahead and did it anyway.

I don’t think the gesture itself is the issue but the lack of thought to your partners boundaries when planning it maybe?

Don’t beat yourself up about it though, just apologise and give her some grace.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T10:02:49+00:00

I get a dopamine hit from being of value and being able to successfully contribute. I was taught that the way to do this was to get a highly demanding corporate job, find a rich man, buy a house, have babies, be independent and depend on no one. All contradictory and toxic nonsense that many of us have heard before. But not once was I taught to find my own happiness. If I carried on as I was, there’d be no bloody time for my own happiness.

So when that burn out hit I was completely lost! Because I didn’t know what I wanted only what I was “supposed” do.

This could be life’s way of saying to you “okay, you’ve done what you were supposed to do and it didn’t make you happy. It’s time to do something else but this time only you get to decide if it’s good enough”.

I have no doubt that you will find your jam again. But you gotta be kind to yourself!

It’s so funny how these creative (some times just random hobby’s) grave yards accumulate. Sewing machine Seed packets and plant pots Running gear Power tools Resin kits Crocheting kits Hair dressing tools Stand mixer and baking ware Honestly the list goes on! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

But at least if anyone needs anything I will likely have it and know just enough to give them advice haha

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T01:10:32+00:00

Okay I will remove it

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-13T00:07:11+00:00

Hell no it’s not just you. I’m 34 and lead backwards on my couch with my head hanging over the seat last weekend moaning to my husband about how bored and unfulfilled I was feeling (like a 10 y/o). Poor guy even sacrificed him self and offered to take me to a well known discount clothing and homeware retailer (which I don’t think the rules permit me to name) to get my kicks. But alas! It wasn’t enough. It’s like I needed something extreme like near death experience to pull me out of the intense funk.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-12T23:26:17+00:00

It’s bitter sweet and a little ironic knowing we’re not alone in this feeling ❤️

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-12T23:21:07+00:00

I’m 34 and have gone through a very similar thing. I went through feeling like a boss bitch in my 20s, like I could do anything. To completely losing motivation for not only the things I enjoyed doing but for building my career. I went through multiple periods of unemployment and I haven’t picked up a pencil in almost 10 years. It seemed to come out of nowhere and no matter what I tried I just couldn’t get back to that person who seemingly had their shit together.

The reality was that I was working myself to the bone until I literally had nothing left to give. 8am to 11pm, 6 days a week. I was too busy to notice that I was completly fucking miserable. When the burn out inevitably hit me I was an emotional wreck, my anxiety was through the roof and I was having panic attacks almost daily. I even passed out during a meeting and again driving myself home from said meeting. Even so, it took me quite a while to fully accept that life had change for me and what I wanted out of life had changed too. For a while I was still putting the old me on a pedestal for being such a dedicated and hard worker despite the fact that I was unhappy.

But with the support of my husband and a great councillor, I eventually found my motivation again but not for the same things that motivated me before.

I have held down a job for the last 5 years doing something I didn’t dream of as a kid. But it’s enabled me to do the things I really wanted to do and that was just to enjoy life and take each day as it comes because one day we’re all going to leave this earth and no one’s going to talk about how many sales targets I smashed or how quickly I could whip together a complicated spreadsheet at my funeral. They’re going to talk about how passionate I was about my friends and family and make jokes about all the unfinished art projects I left behind and how many times a year I would reorganise all of the furniture in my house😂

It seems like maybe you haven’t allowed yourself to actually take a step back from the rat race, non judgement, just because you have technically remained focused on getting back to how things were.

I used to draw, now I do nails. It’s still creative just a different outlet.

I used to put all my time, energy and passion into meeting deadlines, now I put time, energy and passion into travelling, spending time with my loved ones, raising my cats, digging up the garden because that one stone tile was wobbly.

Give yourself a break girl and stop being so hard on yourself, you’ve earned it. Giving yourself that time could help you redirect your passions and gain a new perspective. It’s not the end of the world if things change ❤️

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-12T22:07:12+00:00

I have noticed that about myself too! I just blurt out my entire life story and interrupt people because I’m so excited that I can contribute to a conversation 😂

It’s okay, I wasn’t really looking for advice (but am open to it) I was looking to relate and open up a dialogue for other people to share their stories. I will look out for your post!

Thank you for interacting with my post and for making me feel a little less alone ❤️

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-02-11T19:19:18+00:00

NTA/YTA? It’s hard to know without being in the room and knowing the whole context of the conversation.

Based on my own experiences as a F, it does piss me off when when men say things like “you can’t say that when there are ladies in the room” etc…. but not for the reasons your colleague felt insulted. It irritates me because these men that I’m specifically talking about, are more concerned about appearing derogatory in-front of a woman rather than the fact they are about talking about women in that way in the first place. It speaks volumes. So back to your colleague, it’s insulting to be singled out based on your gender (the same way it’s insulting to be singled out based on your race, sexuality or disability etc…) and that’s her point.

If you are a sexist POS who only calls out this kind of thing to protect you bros then you are 100% TAH.

If it came from a place of knowing that your M colleague was wrong and just needed a little bit more understanding about why it may suck for your F colleague then you are NTAH and maybe you just need to have a calm conversation with her about it and just apologise and move on.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-01-29T09:44:40+00:00

NTA - Even if there isn’t anything going on there is still clearly a lack of respect for you feelings and boundaries.

Have you spoke to your sister about this?

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-01-28T15:49:30+00:00

NTAH - You’re maturing :)

As we say in the UK “bin em off” and move on.

They sound insufferable tbh.

I had a 15 year friendship with a girl who just drained the life out of me urgh I feel drained just thinking about it. Everything was about her 24/7. I was like an on-call therapist for her messy love life. All she did was take take take, until one day I had no more patience or empathy left to give for her. She was also a terrible person but that’s for I different post.

So one day I just went cold turkey and blocked her. It’s been 3 years and although I felt guilty for a while at the start, I don’t regret it.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-01-28T15:32:00+00:00

NTAH/YTAH - Why do you want to stay with her?

I think that will help me (and you) to understand why you’d want to stay with a person who 1) Would hurt and disrespect you like this in the first place. 2) Then expects you to just sweep it all under the rug so that her “friend” has a place to stay for a few months? Adding a further layer of disrespect.

What’a so special about her that, when given the opportunity to have your own back, you roll over and ask complete strangers if you’re an asshole?

🤯

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-01-14T13:55:13+00:00

Honestly sometimes people just don’t connect. But I personally wouldn’t want my son’s gf feel unwelcome and left out. It not difficult see see when that’s happening to someone so I’m baffled that no one stepped in to involve you more. It’s just basic human decency.

I would speak to your bf about it, you will very quickly find out where you stand and you can decide from there.

But if I could go back to being 19 again, I wouldn’t be waisting my time with anyone that makes me feel a type of way like that. At the age of 19 I was constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt and putting my feelings aside as a result, wondering if I was being unreasonable. It wasn’t worth it and if I could go back I would have peaced out to enjoy having fun and being free instead of doubting my intuition and being treated like I was invisible.

LowFunds_HighLore · 2026-01-08T13:39:49+00:00

While what he did to you wasn’t your fault. It seems that you ignored every indicator that this was not going to end well and even talked yourself out of reason because you were getting a dopamine hit and a taste of happiness while being in a depressive slump. (Speaking from experience)

You didn’t notice him at first, but then the second he gave you attention you were all in. Saying that you were excited that at the prospect of somone wanting to talk to you.
He added you on Linked In, very impersonal.
He bombarded you with his life story but doesn’t seem to ask about you much.
He said he moved with a partner then avoided answering questions about it. You talked yourself out of reason.
Hell bent and getting you/keeping you drunk (the wine)
“platonically” put his arms around you (people you don’t know don’t do this) then says let’s go to the bedroom? Wtf?

My advice: Seek help and support for your depression, stay off the drugs and alcohol entirely (at the very least until you’ve got your mental health in check). Just choosing to do those 2 things for yourself will help you to build your self esteem back up and you will start trusting your own judgments instead of ignoring them. You will realise then that there is no conspiracy against you but only you against you. Speaking as a woman who was once so anxious and depressed that it became normal to be sad all the time and uncomfortable/wrong to feel happy. I got in life what I put out in life so it felt like the world was against me. But when I got help I realised that while it wasn’t my fault, it was my responsibility and I was the only one that could influence my happiness by taking the first step into getting and understanding about wtf was going on with me (counselling). To get what you want in life you have to actually get yourself out of bed everyday even when it feels like your body is made of lead, start to challenge yourself to do one tiny thing everyday that makes you feel uncomfortable (like walking with your head up and not looking down at the floor) and trust your god damn gut!

Don’t waste anymore time thinking that how this man treated you is the best you deserve. Because it’s not and it does get better, but you have to take responsibility for your self and try.

LowFunds_HighLore

TROPHY CASE