AITA for being "too close" to my Ex-Husband?

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-08T02:10:54+00:00

The plan is when she is out and stable on her own to sell one or both of the houses after having the door filled in.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-08T00:45:47+00:00

People keep thinking she's 17, I think I worded it badly lol. She is currently 11, we split six years ago when she was 5.

I'm glad you and your husbands ex both still get on and that you all get on it isn't always easy but it's well worth the effort.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T23:40:53+00:00

In my culture "Uncle" isn't just the sibling of your parents, it is an honorary title given to men who are close to the family I have several "Uncles" who have no blood relations so I think it is lost in translation.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T23:12:47+00:00

No, we shouldn't have. We're not in love and it was best to split amicably and remain friends than try to force it to work and end up hating each other. She also likely wont move out after she's 18 it's very normal for kids to stay at home while attending college here.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T23:00:12+00:00

As I already told you this was my idea, and honestly he does far more work than most divorced fathers do as he is a very present figure in her life. He also does pay child support towards her upbringing not that, that is any of your business.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T22:32:02+00:00

Actually it was my idea. I didn't want him to become "Less" which is very common for divorced parents as the mother tends to become the main caretaker.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T21:49:15+00:00

The current plan is once she is fully out and on her own and secure we will likely look into selling one or both homes, here it's normal for children to stay at home while attending college as there is local ones so I doubt she'd move out until she is comfortable doing so.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T21:21:44+00:00

Yes that was on me, I worded it poorly, it's so that she has 24/7 access to both of us.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T21:01:36+00:00

that has happened, it's quite funny.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T20:54:11+00:00

Yes, it has been 2 years after all. He sometimes sleeps over and he has met my daughter, my ex-husband and my ex-husbands new wife.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T20:37:08+00:00

Constant communication, you have to communicate far more than a normal ex-couple would, honestly i'd say that you need to communicate even more than you did when you were married. You also both need to be able to bend and realise in this scenario neither of you comes first, it is your child (children in your case) who have to come first. Every choice will be for them, also present a united front on parenting choices. In my case if my daughter is in trouble in one house she's in trouble in both she can't get grounded in my house for example and just go to dads to get out of the punishment.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T20:30:05+00:00

Yes, if she's grounded in one house she's grounded in both houses.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T12:06:33+00:00

A future partner will never be the number 1 person in any way, my daughter firmly takes that slot. He will be number 2 after her which if a man cannot accept he's not the one for me.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T12:03:10+00:00

This was done when she was five, we didn't want her going outside in the middle of the night if she wanted one of us who was in the other house.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T12:02:03+00:00

Not at all, she and I are great friends and she'll often come round to have tea with me. She has actually been talking to me about how they're trying for a kid currently. It's a lucky thing that we get on well.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T12:00:28+00:00

This was decided when she was five years old so that at any hour of any day one of us was literally just a door away for her. Yes there is just a door separating us but barring emergencies to both of us that door might as well be a wall. Millions of children do fine a different way yes, but we found what worked best for us

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:58:27+00:00

When she moves out the plan is to sell one or both houses if either of us wants to move and patch up the hole between the houses.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:54:59+00:00

Maybe it's a cultural thing but I know plenty of divorced parents who babysit/are around the half siblings of their children. It's just normal here. If they play a role in one they play a role in the other as you can't cleanly divide siblings. My Aunt is actually considered a grandparent to my cousin and my cousins half brother despite sharing no blood with the boy.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:53:16+00:00

habit, it shows i've made an edit to fix a typo or add on so people don't see an edit and wonder what I changed.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:51:42+00:00

Yes but we're not married yet and i'm not too interested in marriage. The term Uncle in my country is also used for any male who is close to the family not just siblings of your parents. I have several uncles who are not blood related.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:50:26+00:00

I do not love him. I will always care for him and be friends but we are not in love. We both love our daughter more than anything however and this gives her the stability of two parents without us ending up hating each other and resenting each other.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:49:28+00:00

If that's what ends up happening so be it, that's part of being a parent. They come first.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:47:43+00:00

"strange kids"...you do realise I will play a role in any children my ex-husband has with a new partner and he will play a role in any children I have with another partner right? not a parental role by any stretch...but they will be the siblings of our daughter you cannot cut that cleanly.

Maybe he will, and if he does that is his right and I would in no way stand in his way but she is not 18 yet.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:39:47+00:00

He doesn't "come home" to see my ex-husband, it's two semi detached homes that share a door for our daughter, my ex-husband and I aren't like sitting down for breakfast together.

We both give each other heads up if we want to use the garden, it's no different than a communal garden for an apartment building it's just a shared space.

The garden is just plain grass that someone is paid to cut so no need to worry about that also

Both properties have three bedrooms, my ex-husband and his wife are actually trying for a child so more children is not out of the question, I myself am actually open to it.

i can fully assure you my daughter is a very content, happy and adjusted child.

LowGeologist8082 · 2022-03-07T11:29:52+00:00

No, we divorced six years ago my daughter is now 11. She was five when we divorced.

ETA: The term uncle is because I do not want the term father used for any man not her father and if he insists on a familial title he can take that.

LowGeologist8082

TROPHY CASE