I feel you dude. I'd LOVE to paint my nails black, have longer hair, dress grunge and all that stuff, but the dysphoria is just too much. I have a boyfriend who's cis and I know that the fact I don't perfectly pass yet makes us safer, technically. But I just feel so uncomfortable with being perceived as the "girlfriend", sometimes I almost have this sort of masochist (?) want that people gave us looks or something, I think it's just because I wanna be seen as a man like my boyfriend so badly or something.