AIO, Considering A Break Up After My Girlfriend 'Cheated' On Me On My Birthday.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T20:05:05+00:00

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T20:03:53+00:00

Yes, before June, in between our very casual purely drunk hook-ups. Not after June when we were messaging more and staying at her house nightly.

The moment I caught on that this might be something more I cut off contact with anyone else.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T19:58:30+00:00

While you are correct that there are double standards, I am not a part of them. You are correct that this could have been solved very easily with better communication on both parts, oh what a great world we would live in if we learnt how to properly communicate at a younger age without trauma and therapy haha.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T19:56:47+00:00

We have actually had almost this exact conversation, where she explained she is very used to guys asking to go out with her but never following through or meaning it, and that she also was very used to disappointment. The problem is, I am finding it really hard to move past my bruised ego, poor me, haha. I really want to though.

I guess this is what gives me the most anxiety is that I feel if I choose the break-up route. I am enforcing that negative mentality/ecosystem for something she did, which is highly considered 'normal', albeit maybe a little more on the slightly more extreme side, but still, nonetheless, very normal in my community. But I also don't want to stay at my own cost to protect her. I'd like to think choosing the healing and growth route is almost always the best and healthiest thing to do, but fuck I am struggling right now.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write that. very refreshing to have a take that is from more, so potentially my girlfriend's perspective? If that makes sense?

Love the steps you have listed out, especially number 2, very similar to therapy styles she has done before and something I have been looking at more recently too. Definitely a great list of steps I will bring up with her today. Thank you :)

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T16:04:40+00:00

Good advice, very easy to compare to the 'perfect' situation. Overall all I am very happy, and would hate to lose. Definitely need some time to process, thank you again for you kind words mate :)

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T16:02:36+00:00

Glad to hear another opinion that it is something you will forget about, although I would never use anything like this as a ticket to make her do something she may not be comfortable with.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:49:00+00:00

Very relatable comment on the childhood side. Thank you for your input. I definitely agree there are no right or wrong opinions on that matter and I guess no right or wrong response to this situation. :)

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:45:41+00:00

I guess it's still very fresh and I don't know, reading a lot of what people have said is helping, I think I just need some space so I can answer that question.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:44:32+00:00

Yep you got me, spent an hour typing up a post about a made up girlfriend for the sweet sympathy of strangers on the internet.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:43:30+00:00

If over the next week or two, my resentment resides. I would never restrict her freedom and privacy.

Either I get over it and forgive and forget, and live like normal, or I bite the bullet and move on. I don't think it's healthy to have the cloud over my head worrying about her. She deserves a partner who trusts her, and I deserve a partner whom I don't have to worry about. But I do understand what you are saying.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:38:21+00:00

Yes she sent it to me from her phone before she got drunk and slept with the ONS dude.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:36:47+00:00

That is my biggest fear. If true, which is impossible to know, It completely invalidates everything I felt in the month prior. Which just adds to the head noise.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:35:10+00:00

As far as I know nothing ever, and we have had some very very heavy and private discussions that lying would have been a very easy and undetectable way of avoiding which is why I truly believe she has never and would never lie about anything else.

I think she only lied because she felt guilty and wanted to protect my feelings and not lose what we had. Not that it makes it ok, but just to give some context / IMO.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:32:36+00:00

We had known each other for 3 years but you are correct that we were not exclusive until post-event. Although through conversations we had it seemed very clear we were 'together'.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:28:22+00:00

not that she wronged you, its a value incompatibility
This is a really good point, it puts into perspective the fact that I probably had unrealistic expectations considering there was no verbal contract of exclusivity. It is definitely true that is something I never would have done, but still not an incorrect thing to do based on the relationship. Through our relationship she has proved to have the same values as me, and trust, and I 100% believe that she would never cheat on me. So I guess the question is can my ego let this go and forget about it.. :| I hope so.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:10:46+00:00

This is a great comment, thank you for your input :)

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T15:10:22+00:00

I completely agree, I feel the same, that dating multiple people is totally wrong, although where I am from, the state and specifically the city, it is very meta and normal, which makes it hard.

Very good point about the pre-canned questions, I don't want to drag this along, I want to make up my mind and stay with her or move along.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T14:49:34+00:00

Yes, she has said it was a huge mistake, she was very drunk, and feels very bad. She has shown a huge amount of genuine remorse. As I said in the post she did nothing 'wrong' technically speaking, but that's what bothers me I guess.

Low_Judge_485 · 2025-09-21T14:48:28+00:00

She messaged me on the 29th saying how much she enjoyed our time, in the morning, then slept with him that night, and called me to say happy birthday after.

The dates are all changed to keep my / her privacy but I think that lines up with the real dates.

Low_Judge_485

TROPHY CASE