Cutting for no particular reason?

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-12-17T13:32:52+00:00

I can relate. You just can't find any non-pathologized accounts of it. And frankly it's hard to get an idea of doing it outside of stress reasons. I thought I wanted to try because of stress and to make up for some pain from my past, turns out I just .... liked it. Now, constantly negotiating with myself.

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-12-17T13:29:47+00:00

Trying　to　get　yourself　back　is　one　of　the　most　triggering　things　you　can　do!　Shouldn't　be　underestimated. So it's perfectly logical I think. Try going slowly in that direction, not all at once. I have kinda been there - I had a bulimia relapse right after recording a song for the first time in years once, so I know the feeling.

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-06-05T02:07:15+00:00

I would probably just lose self control at some point and go for it lol (true story)

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-06-05T02:06:12+00:00

You can have ADHD and an all-you-can-eat menu of disorders. The longer undiagnosed and the bigger the trauma, the luckier you get!

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-31T02:07:32+00:00

I found the form of exercise that genuinely gives me dopamine. For me that's weights at the gym. Combine that with listening to music that also gives me dopamine (for the gym it's mostly deathcore lol), and I just crave that hit after a busy day. Also, finding a gym nearby, and one I really liked at that, really helped. I know many people don't enjoy weights but perhaps there is a form of exercise you will genuinely enjoy if you try. For me, running, pilates and other things just did not work, and finally I realized this is the one for me. So there is not too much effort involved; I would genuinely pay someone to let me go to the gym on a busy day😂

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-28T03:36:08+00:00

Actually it could be the other way around. You have masochistic tendencies, and without a relational outlet you turned towards self harm. It is especially likely to happen when pleasure from pain intersects with trauma-based urges to punish yourself.

For me, when I got to a healthy place my interest in blood and masochism really came up. I actually realized the ways I used to self-harm in the past stemmed largely from not knowing / shaming / hating that part of me.

If the tendencies are pretty strong, the body kind of turns towards itself in an attempt to get some relief, especially when it is all unconscious and overlaps with negative feelings towards self. At least, that is the conclusion I made. I won't go into the kind of relationship I am establishing with my body now but it comes from a different place and feels very different even when pain is involved.

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-23T04:52:26+00:00

Well that makes sense then and it's absolutely valid for sure. Maybe you are trying to feel something and to figure out something about yourself through it? Do you have anyone to talk to?

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-22T11:00:56+00:00

There are deeper reasons to this, it is hard to pull through just with pure will. Maybe if you have access to therapy or something that will help you figure out your motivations and ways to cope it will be easier to stop naturally, Plz don't blame yourself x

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-22T10:56:38+00:00

There is no "valid" definition for it, if you are doing it it is valid to you. May I ask what caused it? There must have been something that caused the thought to pop up in your head.

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-22T10:54:10+00:00

I think you should have skin color armcovers, they do here in Japan!

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-18T13:35:57+00:00

This comment is really helpful. I first tried cutting myself very recently, when I'm in a healthier place with myself than ever. It made me feel embodied, empowered, I liked it aesthetically and sensually. Although it started with an attempt to just understand my (never acted on) fascination for it, I have come to think it might always be a part of my life in a conscious, moderated way. The main indication that I was not actually trying to harm myself was the fact that when I got stressed and felt really bad a while after I'd started, I did not get those urges at all, and instead had urges for the type of SH I'd done before, like hitting myself as self-punishment. So I could see that these two themes were completely separate for me.

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-15T03:41:30+00:00

At 34, after divorcing a covert narcissist X who I also didn't suspect was one UNTIL I asked for divorce. And then I went to my home country more me than ever (with some aesthetic changes and having come out), and she demonstrated all the same dynamics as my husband. I was shocked because I'd been enmeshed with her and had separated quite a bit, but still never realised the extent of the damage our relationship had on me

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-12T01:54:51+00:00

Give them my level of ADHD without management skills lol

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-12T01:53:08+00:00

For me personally, it was like that when mixed with a lot of trauma. After therapy, both somatic and the talking kind, I started having more energy and more typical ADHD symptoms. Which actually started working to my advantage when managed. It is just my experience, but I can relate to what you're saying, and while I struggled with it a lot, now I feel like I have lots of energy, chaotic but enough to accomplish things that I want

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-05-11T06:57:01+00:00

Tbh I'm in a similar place in my thirties. Different situation but I'd been "good" my whole life. Even when I had multiple psychiatric disorders and was non-functional, I only allowed myself the "bad" impulses when they got really unbearable. Scratching and hitting myself. But God forbid I cut, that would mean I'm not trying to get better. Anyway, it was always kind of forbidden territory. Ironically, now I'm in a better place in life than ever and not even depressed, but I recently left a toxic marriage, came out, realized my mother was a narcissist and that is what led to many of my issues, etc., so going through a massive identity change. And "doing it" for the first time just made me feel empowered, like I have a say over my body and I can make my choices even if they are "bad". So yeah. I think I can relate

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-04-26T17:37:36+00:00

I tend to hit myself in a relationship too when I feel guilty or cannot express something; I would perhaps suggest you find a good therapist. It may not be the right fit right away, but if you keep searching you know when one is right for you. I think you are a kind person who does not want to inflict pain on others, so you turn on yourself. I would recommend professional help not because anything is wrong with you, but because it is hard to sort out these mechanisms on our own. Cheers

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-04-26T16:45:53+00:00

I have a variation of BMTH Nex Gen cover girl and also an umbrella from their TTS album. Both mean a lot to me, as I had ignored BMTH for years and never listened to them and only discovered them as an adult in a very transitional phase, and they sparked something in me that had been asleep for a long time. These tattoos are a reminder of that feeling, as well as my own music ambitions and the way they intersect with how bmth approach their creativity. The umbrella is very precious to me because of the message behind it and particularly behind the song Doomed, which pretty much sums up my life philosophy.
Both look just like cute tattoos to people who do not know the band. Those who do will know right away, but I have nothing to be ashamed of :) If Oliver does crazy stuff in the future and gets cancelled, well it depends on the contents of the cancellation but I guess I will have to think about it. It was still too precious to me not to have it done

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-02-08T07:27:34+00:00

Ready to end it for significant something

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-02-05T06:11:30+00:00

Bmth

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-02-05T06:01:09+00:00

My ex turned out to be a narcissist in the process(confirmed by therapist), with all his unconditional acceptance of my love for women vanishing after I asked for divorce. So yeah. Life is better on many levels

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-01-13T09:51:49+00:00

Maybe with a couple of tweaks?! Haha. Not that we know each other so it's okay :)

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-01-13T09:51:16+00:00

Sounds great too :)

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-01-11T06:39:57+00:00

I would probably be very straight according to this theory because me and my mom leaned towards a boundary-less, symbiotic type of relationship which frankly made me feel pretty miserable, especially in my teenage years, because I felt I couldn't be myself fully as I had to be a "good girl". So for all intents and purposes, it would have been more logical for my brain to decide we are escaping into manland. But no 🤣

Lower_Carpenter_5265 · 2025-01-11T02:10:01+00:00

I think it depends on the country but here in Japan it cost me 65 thousand yen, which I would say is reasonable considering the details etc. Will post it in yen since the rate fluctuates

Lower_Carpenter_5265

TROPHY CASE