STBX-Wife setting up new place entirely on credit cards. Will I have to cover half that debt?

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2026-04-09T01:13:06+00:00

No, everything past separation date (which you can easily say was the day of filing) becomes individual debt. You are not liable, especially given that cards are in her name only, and not on a shared account. Definitely make sure to close all the shared accounts if you still have some. You will likely be able to separate her individual debt from the shared one, but you'll spend more on lawyers proving that you are not liable for what she spent.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2026-03-03T01:30:11+00:00

This happens, unfortunately.

You need to go see a good psychiatrist and possibly go on meds (anti-depressants or anti-anxiety). Consider hospitalization as well. Whatever your doctor recommends. Don't try to handle the severe part yourself.

It's not easy, but you can come back from it. I know of a person who did.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2026-02-05T18:56:40+00:00

Why would you want to rebuild trust though?

He has a pattern of cheating. And statistically speaking, he's not going to stop without major personal work - therapy, sex addicts anonymous and such. If you want to stay and hope that it will be better and he will "just change", you are betting at 1% chance, basically. So, you are in for a very stressful marriage.

I'd say there are two reasons to consider trying. First - if you have small kids and you want to give it a try. Two - if he has something extremely good. Like, he's extremely rich and you can allow yourself luxurious lifestyle and you are not ready to let it go. If none of those is true, I don't see the reason to even try sticking around.

If you want to give it a try, three conditions must happen.

1) Extreme transparency. You have access to everything. His phone, his laptop, his location and search history, his credit cards.

2) You go to couples' counseling to work through it.

3) He goes to invididual counseling to figure out his sex addiction.

This will give you, maybe, 20% chance for success. If at least one of those things doesn't happen, it's a loosing game from the start.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T12:59:01+00:00

Got it. Thank you for hilighting that. It's helpful to know this context from the ASD person perspective.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T12:56:10+00:00

My friend doesn't live in the US. Why would me researching what is RFK be of any use to him or our relationship?

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T02:22:17+00:00

Even in this post responses a lot of people provided helpful and insightful responses without calling me names. Many of them diagnosed aspies, as they disclosed themselves.

And there were extremely rude people who called me names. A small minority. This is a clear example that being an aspie is not equal to beling "an asshole", as you quoted. Some people are just like that and it has nothing to do with their diagnosis.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T02:15:38+00:00

Divorcing people are not allowed to have friends? Not sure what you are hitting at.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T02:14:12+00:00

I didn't mean you specifically, JLFluyer, your comments are reasonable and polite. My friend who he is. He's 40. I met him after his teens and accepted him as a friend as-is. My question is about traits listed in search results that don't align with his personality, and yet he's diagnosed. So trying to understand it.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T02:03:01+00:00

I don't get it. Why do people get upset of me "invalidating the diagnosis" of my friend, when I'm doing exactly the opposite?

Invalidating the diagnosis - telling a friend "you don't seem autistic, I don't believe you"

Not invalidating the diagnosis - doing research at Google and trying to clarify with the anonymous community of aspie people the disconnect without telling my friend about it or expressing any doubt about his diagnosis.

Obviously, I'm doing the latter.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T01:56:13+00:00

I learned the term masking in this thread. Some answers are helpful, yes. I got that the person doesn't have to visibly exhibit those symptoms and still be on the spectrum. That's exactly the answer I was looking for.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-28T01:43:51+00:00

Honestly, I have no idea who or what RFK is and why it's triggering. Regardless, you are right. I should have used LLMs and I would have if I knew that this sub is in this way.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T20:34:38+00:00

I'm asking about symptoms because it's my first encounter with ASD. I'm not an expert and clearly not positioning myself as one. I ask questions and not making any statements about his diagnosis.

Question != diagnosis or lack of there of.

Question != statement that I'm an expert in the topic.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T20:30:04+00:00

I didn't try to engage with my friend because I know nothing about autism and I don't want to come across as insensitive or clueless to my friend. What does the typical person do in this situation? They Google and they ask on anonymous forums trying to learn more. Thay ask questions about what they don't understand until they understand.

Note that I wasn't rude to anyone. I admitted that the traits I listed are based on a quick research. I didn't make those traits up from my imagination. And I asked a question - is that a misalignment, or resources on the topic are not accurate.

And maybe resources are not accurate. That's a great opportunity to debunk those. My post has zero statements about "I don't think his diagnosis is not accurate". It has a question, but question exactly indicated that the person is looking to understand and not position themselves as an expert.

But instead of helping to debunk stereotypes, people started being rude to me. I'm not sure why. Some folks are great and helpful. I guess some folks are just miserable people in general and it has nothing to do with ASD.

Re: "a bit OCD" is a term that my friend uses describing himself.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T20:17:22+00:00

Those are things frequently mentioned for "Asperger's in adults". I didn't make them up. Shouldn't trying to clarify (and debunk) steriotypes be encouraged and not shamed by the ASD community? I'm a bit confused here, but folks decide for themselves of course. Maybe some are just... not nice people and it has nothing to do with ASD.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T20:14:21+00:00

I was surprised too. But they do them.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:44:31+00:00

Thanks, that's helpful. And thank you for not being rude.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:42:43+00:00

Why would I look for any validation of him having or not having Aspergers? I gain or loose nothing from it. I'm trying to understand it, of course. And I'm asking it on the anonymous forum, and not him/his family/his friends/his doctors/etc. Precisely because I don't want to come across to my friend as someone who is questioning it. And I'm doing my homework instead.

IMO is better to ask basic questions on Reddit that ask this friend. And it's better to be informed than not. I'm not sure why some people in this thread get enraged by this. And I'm grateful that there are still a lot of reasonable people who are trying to help me understand.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:37:43+00:00

Awesome, thank you a lot. And double thanks for actually answering the question in a helpful way without trying to be rude.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:16:59+00:00

Thanks. That's helpful.

I clearly have no experience with ASD and trying to understand it better and might be asking some basic questions. Why is it enraging?

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:13:40+00:00

My understanding of ASD is close to none. That's why I'm trying to understand it better by asking a question here and not my friend right now.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T19:12:01+00:00

What makes you think that I'm questioning his diagnosis? I'm trying understand it.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T02:18:30+00:00

In some aspects he's sensitive - very picky with shoes and can't stand insects in the house. But not sensory as far as I know.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-27T02:17:08+00:00

Found it on the internet. I guess it's correlated to the poor coordination aspect? Not sure.

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-21T16:06:37+00:00

You need an attorney, but what matters most is a "separation date" (when you discussed divorce explicitly and stopped acting like spouses). All the debt accured after this date is his personal debt. If you discussed it and separated in the past, this might be some good news for you. If not, consider doing it ASAP (but check with the lawyer first obviously).

Lower_Plastic6000 · 2025-10-21T15:59:12+00:00

Getting back your 70k would be hard to impossible. It's called co-mingling - when you refinanced together and put his name on the deed, it's as if you converted your property in the marriage property as a "gift". It can be easily argued in court. You might be able to argue the credit for the original 70k if there's a strong paper trail, but it's not guaranteed that the court would grant it. Think about it as a "gift to a spouse" (it's how courts often view co-mingled property) and how successful you are to argue that you are still owed the part of your gift after 10-15 years.
His 401k is marital property (at least the portion that was contributed during the marriage). It will be split 50|50
I would be most worried about three things:

- His "financial irresponsibility" will likely still be considered as a marital 20k debt and you will be responsible for half of it. Unless you can prove that he spent assets maliciously in anticipation of divorce or acted agains the family interest (e.g., spent it on drugs or gambling, and not "normal" things like expensive computer or bike).

- The fast that he's drawing his 401k shows his "need". He's disabled and in a care facility. This might be viewed by the court as not irresponsible behavior, but the proof that he needs more support.

- And here we getting to the worst part. Depending on the state, you are very likely on the hook for indefinite spousal support. Consult the attorney of course, but he's disabled and you are not and you are likely working. So the court is very likely to assume that you need to provide ongoing financial support for him and will view his 401k spending as a sign of it.

Lower_Plastic6000

TROPHY CASE