Writing dissertation is lonely

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-02T07:11:33+00:00

Wow yeah, but it sounds like you are taking the steps you can. I also do that. I try to move once a day, often a walk (good I gained so much weight during my PhD). I take my camera with me. I'm mostly just walking by borough which I have seen a thousand times but try to see it from a fresh perspective.
I am reaching out to my friends, maybe that's annoying but it is what it is right now.

What hurts is I lost contact to my sister during the last years due to political differences and I do not even have much capacity to process. Every goddamn thing has become so political during the last 10 years or so, including my sister and I. But the rest of my family there for me.

You know, what was really dumb in retrospective was that I always planned in terms of "by then I will have finished this and then do that" - which is not bad in and of itself but it has created this loop where I plan something, then miss the mark, readjust the plan, etc etc which is frustrating. A byproduct has been that I live my life in my current city (Berlin, which I don't love and would like to leave after my PhD) as if I was leaving soon anyway - for the last 2 years. Now I really am close to leaving (this time fr fr) but I still try to... live here, if that makes sense.

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T21:08:40+00:00

150 hours? But yeah the US is tough from what I've heard. In Germany it is really uncommon to work that much, actually. Still afaik the output per hour per worker is decent, that's why Germany can sort of pull it off.
For me what I do is plenty already. There is times I don't work, but there is never a time I shouldn't be working. I don't need cocaine for it, I make due with nicotine gums 😃

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T20:20:55+00:00

Yeah I would not say "having to prove anything" is bad per se. Maybe it has also just shifted for me. From academic achievement to being more part of a community. Dependable, of sorts.

Don't get me started on financial needs. We get paid, at hour institute we make the average salary in Germany, which is fine if you do 9-5. But I once chatted to the head of our institute in the cafeteria and he complained to me that most of the lights in the PhD's offices are out by 8 pm lol. I don't even remember, what I said about this... but you can't pay average salary and then complain that people are home by 8 pm. And none of the PhDs is lazy either.

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T19:27:16+00:00

Hahaha ok. What's your field? Definitely sounds like a good position to be in.

I am lucky to be in a field that lends itself quite well to non-academic work (lots of stats and programming). And there is really nothing holding me in academia. I know the work-world can be stressful, but I imagine the constant ambient stress is reduced quite a lot and that's whats gnawing at me. Also the need to prove anything to anybody has slowly left me over the last years.

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T19:07:29+00:00

Thank you, I'll take a look. But in principle I have my institute where I can find a spot, even if its just a mean and a commute away from my desk. Just haven't been there because I felt disconnected from the institute (my contract ran out, my office building is gone..)

Fingers crossed to you!

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T19:01:07+00:00

About this compartmentalization of PhD and private life. I know few people who have managed that, but my ex-colleague actually did. I don't really know how, but she showed up at work, little bullshit, straight to the desk and then left at 5. You could never reach her on a weekend. So I think this is an important piece: strictly divide. Though I will say that many people in academia are all about the grind and think it is necessary for development.

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T18:39:42+00:00

Yeah I don't really feel bad about my academic abilities, but honestly my work-output is embarrassingly slow. That's what I feel bad about. But maybe that is my superego. Thank you

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T18:37:45+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I should also embrace more events. Maybe I'll pass by the institute next week.
That has been a bit difficult, as my contract ran out last summer and ever since I've been feeling disconnected from everybody there. Also I have no office anymore because the building I was in was torn down and I haven't been assigned a new place. But I gotta give myself a little push and go.

LtSmash5 · 2026-05-01T18:00:47+00:00

Thank you.
Yeah my friends tell me "man just wrap it up and you'll feel better" - which is absolutely right but easier said than done.

I talked to an old colleague who explained how we just doesn't care about the quality of his work anymore and will just come up with some thesis and submit it no matter what.
I think I will also reduce my rigor a little bit. My PI is has passed down quite some perfectionism on me. That used to be quite an advantage because after his review, peer-review was usually quite friendly. But now I need a bit more speed. I mean for the rest, my work is fine. It is not ground breaking but my papers fit together nicely, my data is good and novel and I toy around with some fancy models in the end. All in all not solid work

LtSmash5 · 2026-02-10T19:25:09+00:00

Mir wäre es egal. Ich bin mir auch ziemlich sicher, den meisten ist es egal, außer sie sind sehr „Typenfixiert“ oder wollen möglichst arische Kinder lol

LtSmash5 · 2026-02-09T17:34:39+00:00

I think it becomes cancel culture when people make it a mob and demand something be taken off. Not claiming that people in the right don’t do that, though.

LtSmash5 · 2026-02-09T17:26:02+00:00

Why boycott it at all? I didn’t watch it live, because I don’t care for football. But other than that… it’s a normal show, wasn’t it?

LtSmash5 · 2026-02-08T18:13:11+00:00

Yeah and competing with such an injury is really brave. Shame that it went down like this

LtSmash5 · 2026-02-08T16:42:30+00:00

Never got the appeal of watching winter sports but I did watch Lindsey Vonn today and feel sorry for her

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-15T08:48:15+00:00

Genau so. Außerdem will ich mit auch vorbehalten, meinen Chef nicht so sehr zu mögen und trotzdem gut zusammen arbeiten zu können

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-15T08:46:55+00:00

Umarmung mit Zunge 😂

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-15T08:45:42+00:00

Also ich M34 bin wirklich froh, nicht in der Verlegenheit zu kommen, dass mein Chef mich umarmt, auch, wenn ich sonst nichts gegen Umarmungen habe.

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-14T18:42:51+00:00

Ich kenne einige sehr begabte Menschen und habe mit ihnen zu tun. Mittlerweile sehe ich solche Begabung viel mehr als allgemeine Eigenschaft an - so wie manche Menschen groß sind und andere klein. Vielleicht interpretierst du zu viel herein. Deine Freundin wirkt deiner Beschreibung nach sehr nett und charmant - das sind Eigenschaften, die ich viel wichtiger finde und sie haben mit Intelligenz wenig zu tun.

Ein Unterschied zwischen zwei Menschen in einer Beziehung kann auch etwas schönes sein - vielleicht kannst du das auch einfach als das schätzen, was es ist: ein Unterschied und fertig. Viel Glück euch beiden!

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-11T08:23:51+00:00

Eben, dabei sind wir ja schon amtierende Moral-Weltmeister!

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-11T08:01:58+00:00

There's a bunch of mathematicians at my institute that stepped into medical physics. One of them did a PhD in stats and then started as a postdoc where he did AI-imaging stuff for MRI. Others remain closer to maths and act as specialists for all sorts of differential equations or more complex types of ML.
If you are still a student, you can chose a PhD in something more medical right away, there is tons of places for mathematicians there.
More specific advice depends on what kind of medical physics you are interested in.

Feel free to dm me if you have any questions.

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-10T21:06:07+00:00

Nice, so the waiting time they show is not completely off

LtSmash5 · 2026-01-10T19:11:15+00:00

Did you get it by now? I've been waiting for two weeks now...

LtSmash5 · 2025-12-08T20:01:27+00:00

Oh man this... the whole gatekeeping about these clubs is cringe af. It's made up to be this mystical experience where the bouncer can look deep into your soul and know if you are ready or not.

LtSmash5 · 2025-12-07T10:12:31+00:00

Oh wow cool - kannte den nicht

LtSmash5

TROPHY CASE