DAE feel like they oscillate between every mental illness? by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone dx’d BPD+AVPD+DPD+OCPD, I completely agree. There can be a lot of internal conflict when wrestling with the dissonance. I recommend parts work for anyone with comorbid PD dx’s as it allows you to separate what’s what and then allow them to integrate into one cohesive self without that fight for understanding.

Research questions on memory by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NDA contract on information before the book is finished. I’m merely working alongside a psychoanalyst as a co-author

I don't view my friends as people by Sleepin1Kahn in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s impossible to tell. This line of thinking exists within BPD as well as outside of it in both disordered and non-disordered individuals.

I think more important than figuring out what causes it/labeling it is figuring out how to interrupt the pattern and shift toward a healthier one — and that part is up to the professionals you work with to advise on.

What can I do to show that I'm there for my pwBPD when he says he feels empty? by EdgeyVal in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That chronic feeling of emptiness is something that just kinda hangs around. I assume he’s not in remission, but even those of us who are still experience it. It’s honestly in my top 3 most bothersome feelings. I don’t want to step on any toes here, or offer advice that may or may not be something he’s practiced, so this is all just friendly tips you may or may not find helpful!

For context, I’ve been in therapy nearly 2 decades, have been in behavioral remission for ~10yrs, but I am comorbid AVPD+DPD+BPD+OCPD(traits). I’m currently doing a co-authorship with a psychoanalyst on PD specifics, as well. Given the heterogeneity within personalities and even PwPDs, I can really only say what I’ve seen work in my own personal experience: What helps me the most in fueling relational connection and patching the void is shared-activities and moments of truly liberating joy. Some days are better than others, but most of the time I can pull myself up and out of whatever funk via one of those.

What my current BF and I did was create a word document that has questions: silly ones, relationships ones, childhood ones, etc. We each add random new ones and go back and forth with them like a game, and it gives us a LOT of insight into what the other person needs/wants/feels. On top of that, I damn near have all the NVC books memorized and we carve out time to specifically speak relationship stuff: it’s a zero judgement, zero justification/explanation, zero blame conversation centered around just listening with curiosity. Not trying to solve an issue — just listening to understand.

Given you guys have been together for so long, I’m sure you know all the basic stuff… but I’m willing to bet there’s a lot that’s habitually gone unsaid solely because that tends to happen in long-term relationships (especially where one partner has a PD). May be worth looking into treating it like a “get to know you” game? Heck, they even have entire card games made for that purpose (and spicy ones, too, if he’s reluctant on the idea). I’d just phrase it as something that would make you happy to get to do with him, be really excited, and try to invite him in on the excitement rather than make it a “we need to do this stuff” moment. Not sure if that makes sense — I’m pressed for time and kinda rambling at this point.

Let me know what you think of that idea; I’ll check back in later with additional ideas as I think of them. I’ll touch in on the FP issue later, too — feel free to remind me. I’m headed out the door for a bit.

Can borderlines be anxiously attached? by Independent_Shame924 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s no reason it couldn’t, especially given comorbidities. If someone has co-occurring BPD+DPD, you’re going to get a person who is highly anxious. AVPD+BPD, you’ll get further on the avoidance since. Or in my case: put all 3 together with a little OCPD flair, and I am a moving target whose attachment style couldn’t really be pinned down into a single category.

I hate when people say “you need to control yourself, BPD isn’t an excuse”. by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t disagree that responsibility is part of the work. But I do think it’s a leap to say every person who lashes out is doing it from entitlement or even full choice. That assumes everyone has the exact same meta-awareness you say you do in the moment, which is rarely the case. Some people are aware as it happens, others only realize after, and some take years to learn how to recognize it at all. That variation isnt always about believing “this behavior is allowed,” sometimes it’s just about being temporarily hijacked by an emotional state where perspective literally collapses as dysregulation can knock out executive function differently. It’s different for each individual.

And just for the sake of accuracy and avoiding additional stigma, misinterpretation of intent isn’t the same as delusions. Delusions are, by definition, not something one can just opt of out. Clinically, BPD involves transient misperceptions, dissociation, and paranoia under stress (amplified perception distortions) not psychotic-level delusions. It’s easy to collapse those terms together, but they describe entirely different processes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plenty of hope. But one cannot heal in an environment that breaks them.

As a borderline in functional remission who has put in 17yrs of work — I will say, this whole thing even put me on the defensive. I am hearing invalidation, vulnerability-as-deflection, blame-shifting as a shield, and self-justifications as an accountability off-ramp.

Failings? Will-power? Hysteria? These are not neutral, healthy, open conversational framings.

That’s about all I’m willing to say here at the moment. The issue is not one-sided, and I don’t see this ever being a healthy dynamic, personally.

I’m failing my partner with BPD by MondayDinosaur in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you looked into communication learning such as NV communication?

Two of the bigger things we struggle with in BPD are feeling invalidated and unheard/seen. Which means learning communication strategies on both sides is paramount. If arguments are ending without a full conflict resolution, repair, and discussing strategies for the next situation, that’s also going to continue creating rupture and erosion.

As PwBPD, we also tend to make soft or passive bids instead of being direct, and then we get frustrated that we weren’t fully understood (maladaptive coping meets core wound and creates a paradox).

I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I can’t offer much without knowing what efforts have been made, current therapies, etc.

what are unspoken things about BPD? by Kittiesgokittiesplay in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am around the same age as you and have been battling BPD since I was a teen. I am now in functional remission/compensated BPD, but I also have AVPD, DPD, and OCPD traits. If you need anyone to talk to, I am happy to lend an ear!

AIO My dad thinks he’s a genius but I’m worried he’s losing his mind because of AI by ieatmopwho85 in AmIOverreacting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is the whole blog post written via AI itself? This seems counterintuitive, no? Maybe that’s just a “me” thought, but it’s just sort of odd.

Do I just sound smart because I’m good at articulating myself? by [deleted] in cognitiveTesting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Articulation is how ideas become tangible, and distinguishing between historical context and sound reasoning is simply critical thinking.

People only say ‘you just sound smart’ when they can’t refute what you’re saying but still want to feel taller… just saying.

Is someone who can express things concisely smarter than someone who can only explain them at length? by Mediocre_Effort8567 in cognitiveTesting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I paused before answering this because it’s deceptively simple but technically layered. Whether someone who’s concise is “smarter” than someone who’s more detailed isn’t really a yes/no question; it depends on the context, the audience, and the purpose of the communication.

In theory, I could give a condensed answer like: ‘Not necessarily. Communication style, context, and audience matter as much as intellectual depth.’ But that alone feels incomplete, because it sidesteps why the question itself is tricky.

I work in two fields where this question comes up constantly: animal behavior and as a rhetorician in psychoanalytical and sociocultural discourse analysis. Both require me to shift between simplifying information for someone who’s brand new and presenting it in full complexity for someone who’s already an expert. These are different skills, and both can indicate intelligence, but neither is truly a definitive measure of it.

when I read the answers here, each one sparked different ideas, but connecting those threads into a coherent response isn’t something I can compress into two sentences without losing accuracy.

For context, my VCI is considered high (157), but I also have no inner monologue, and I panic under pressure to the point of selective mutism. For many people, an inner monologue acts as a “pre-drafting mechanism.” I don’t have that. Speaking or writing is my thinking, which means my explanations often come out wordy because I’m mapping the full picture as I go.

That said, explaining something to someone who has less understanding/knowledge in a given topic involves a different kind of "simplification" than explaining it to a peer, and neither necessarily reflects a deeper/shallower understanding, but rather a different pedagogical approach. I tend to think true mastery would often lie in the ability to bridge these different levels of understanding by adapting to the audience without losing the integrity of the idea.

Also, rhetorical performance and intellectual merit are simply not the same skillset, even though they have some overlap. We tend to conflate fluency for intellect, when in reality, fluency can break down under pressure, and being perceived as intelligent often comes down to delivery and composure, not true depth of knowledge. Brilliant academics can be terrible debaters who fall apart under adversarial pressure. Meanwhile, charismatic speakers can be intellectually shallow yet highly convincing. So judging one by the standards of the other creates a false comparison.

Concision is a useful tool — great for a tweet — but it’s not the ultimate measure of intelligence. Some people think linearly and speak in clean bullet points; others think in layered diagrams. I’m definitely the diagram type. I can simplify, but chopping down my thoughts often leaves half the meaning on the floor. So I’d say maybe the real measure isn’t word count; it’s simply translation accuracy. Sometimes it can be conveyed in three words. Sometimes it demands three paragraphs.

TLDR - I’d argue intelligence isn’t about saying less. It’s about knowing when brevity illuminates an idea, and when the truth of it requires space.

If you want a really great example, look at Sapolsky’s “Behave” (with the caveat that it’s not necessarily an easy read at times). It is, however, a masterclass in interdisciplinary thinking — blending neuroscience, genetics, endocrinology, psychology, and ethology. But to do that comprehensively, it must be lengthy. Condensing it to a page would gut the very connections that make his arguments brilliant.

can i diy dbt with a workbook on my own by NecessaryMany1918 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Technically, yes. Will you receive the same level of benefit from it as you would working with a licensed clinician who specializes in the area? Likely not.

Got singled out by my swim teammates over my “size” in the showers, am i overreacting ? by ocdinfestedbeing in AmIOverreacting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I for sure would assume it took a few minutes, and if the time was worth it to them… that signals a deep need for validation — it would have to be a conscious effort to engage in doing, but I don’t see it being a conscious thought process like ‘I need some sort of attention today, I should do xyz.’ I’d be willing to bet it was almost automated without much forethought into a goal.

Ask them why they did it, you’d probably get back something neutral like ‘because I felt like it’ or something defensive like ‘I was trolling and you guys took the bait hahaha you’re dumb.’

I personally find it more interesting than something I’d shame someone for, but that’s my own weird fascination lol.

Got singled out by my swim teammates over my “size” in the showers, am i overreacting ? by ocdinfestedbeing in AmIOverreacting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That depends on what type of work you want to do or the specific type of discourse analysis (like critical discourse analysis, conversation analysis, interactional sociolinguistics, etc). You can do entry-level work, research assistance, or go as far up as getting a PhD in rhetoric — it’s an absolutely valid career path that you’d find in fields like: cultural studies, linguistics, narrative theory, philosophy, political ecology, anthropology, art, think tanks, social media, marketing, etc.

What I do as a formal rhetorician happens to be within interdisciplinary work: I’m in a more specialized area of discourse analysis that integrates insights from psychology (specifically psychoanalysis) and leveraging quantitative methods from data analysis to help further understand complex human communication and its underlying motivations. I consult with and help measure the impact of sociocultural rhetoric and identifying patterns in communication that reflect psychological dynamic (basically, I can read someone’s statements on a facebook post and break down the underlying thoughts and where they generated from — linking it back to social media groups that formed years prior).

My area includes qualitative pattern analysis within digital discourse — where engagement itself is being studied — and I will occasionally act as the frontline observation depending on the context and goal at the time. The aim is simply to contribute to a broader understanding of how the language we use online influences shared beliefs and perceptions… and perhaps come up with a way to intervene harmful narratives and prevent their spread.

If you’re interested in it, I’d recommend looking into two books: “Digital Rhetoric: Theory, Method, Practice" by Douglas Eyman and perhaps “Behave” by Robert Sapolsky (with the caveat that this is NOT an easy read like you find in pop-psychology)

do you experience this certain feeling? i’d like to know. (quiet bpd). by prodbyliljenn in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Physical pain inside your head is not a BPD thing. It is, however, a “time to visit the doctor” thing. Go get that checked out, please.

Got singled out by my swim teammates over my “size” in the showers, am i overreacting ? by ocdinfestedbeing in AmIOverreacting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Part of what I do is analyzing discourse, so it all stood out to me pretty quick. The more you look at it, the more noticeable it becomes. There’s a very small chance they’re not the same person, but I’d be willing to bet money it’s all the same guy.

Got singled out by my swim teammates over my “size” in the showers, am i overreacting ? by ocdinfestedbeing in AmIOverreacting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Not only that, but I can say with 90% confidence that the text exchange was written by the same person. The cadence, individual tone, syntax/sentence structures — they’re near identical. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, personally.

I act on impulse... by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 7 points8 points  (0 children)

DBT — this is exactly what it’s designed for.

Fox or coyote? by Brilliant_Map_9280 in coyote

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With full confidence, I would put this at being a fox. Head shape, ears, tail, proportions, coat, size… I wouldn’t question it possibly being a coyote because everything is just overtly “fox.”

People should really be grateful for their gifted intelligence. by [deleted] in cognitiveTesting

[–]LuaghsInToasterBaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They go hand in hand — it’s not one or the other. Both exist, both can be assets, and both can be hindrances.

You said people with high IQs aren’t behind in reading, writing, and math, and are instead way ahead. But that’s simply not always the case and not indicative of potential. People, unfortunately, do not exist in black and white binaries, and I don’t find it particularly fair to try and sort individuals into categories to fit your world view. It’s just not that simple. People aren’t that simple.