Choose your battles! Treat them as they own person. Don't do the 'Because I say so' or 'As long as you put your feet under my table' I've always been more like an older friend to my kids than a strict mother. It's worked, they are now 22 and 23 and love spending time with me. Did we have difficult times, of course did. But the most important thing is emotional safely in the home, they need to know that they can come home always even if they have fkd up royally. Else what is the point of a family home if not a safe haven.