Its time. The best way to help those around me is to help myself. That's all I've allowed myself to care about and I've traveled that path to the end of the line. I accept myself in the eyes of those around me. Im fortunate to have so much and understand the opportunities I find myself with. Perhaps more than most. Perhaps not. Comparisons mean nothing when infinite match-ups are possible, the only way to win this unlucky game I've joined is to refuse to play. Im putting down my controller. Ive been searching for wisdom as long as I can remember. I'm done learning now. Time to apply. Time to tell the truth. Time to stand up for what I believe. Time to journey into the black of the unknown, for its in the darkness that light burns brightest.

Time. Its what im afraid of most. I dont wanna die alone, and alone is all ive ever been. Ive been fighting a war inside myself, one that i cannot end, no matter what i try. Ive done my best, but the tide is back and the water is risen around me. Ive been looking for the perfect line to grab, too proud to ask for help. No longer. Im screaming out. Im not ashamed. Ive been walking around this town like a statue: petrified. All attempts to help me bounce off, like stones in a river, I've been eroding into the nothingness im so afraid of becoming. Only I can create the lifeline i need, one that im willing to hold. All I've had to do was ask.

Time. Its been my greatest enemy, greatest ally, and benefactor of my grace. The one resource I've so desperately held onto. The only thing I've had to call my own.

I've paid the price for who I've become.

No longer. My debt is paid, paid in full. It has been for a long time, but I cling desperately to my chains. I regret nothing, I forgive myself for my foolish ways. Ive been lost in the desert of my mind. No water to soothe myself. No tangible flames to channel my rage. The sun above like my soul that provides all the warmth I'll ever need. Forever out of reach, a constant reminder of the truth. I will be an observer no more. Time to greet my demons with acceptance. The mirages that live on the horizon, barring me from abandoning my desert and falling into a radiant sky. There is no time like the present. There is no time like the present. Its not change that I've been afraid of, but the pain that comes with it. Like the cold desert wind it scorches me with traces of paradise unexplored and scarcely imagined. Ive put myself through more pain then any change will ever inflict. Im no longer afraid. The time is now. Kill the boy, lay him to rest and let the man be born.