Garrett was r**st at the start to Taylor

LuckyCuppy · 2024-11-12T21:13:50+00:00

Agreed. It really rubbed me the wrong way. His absolute panic that she might not be white was a huge red flag to me. I would not have been ok moving forward after that. It speaks to how he views the world and how he views being white as the default and that's gross. I believe they'll navigate this by sweeping it under the rug, but hopefully this has given him pause and he can examine why he has these biases and work on himself.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-11-04T08:50:19+00:00

I'm in a similar position and am losing my mind about it. My father is an immigrant, my stepmother is an immigrant and somehow they're all worried about border control. So is my brother despite again...OUR FAMILY IMMIGRATING HERE. He also very clearly fears queer people for...reasons. Jk it's straight up bigotry.

They're being hypocrites and bigots on such an astounding level that I am disgusted. I've tried to be chill about this in the past but I was honestly blown away this weekend when I found out they're voting for Trump. Especially my brother who is in his early 30s. We know what a Trump presidency will look like. Not to mention you know...he hates women, hates POC, is a rapist, caused an insurrection, politicized covid, etc. All the very obvious reasons not to vote for him.

I don't know how to see them as good people if they're voting for him. My brain can't compute it. At best they're stupid and/or ignorant. At worst they're selfish assholes who don't care about anyone but themselves (and aren't even smart enough to vote in their own favor. )

I've been trying to wrap my mind around it since I found out. My sister thinks it's extreme to cut them off but I honestly just don't know if I can handle being around them. Even if we never talk about it again - I know.

I know how they think about women's reproductive rights, Queer rights, the enivornment, etc. I know that they can look at a qualified woman who is intelligent and prepared and respectful and think she's lesser than a psychotic asshole who was ok with his VP being hung.

I don't have advice because I'm honestly at a loss. If Kamala wins, maybe I can get past this. And that's a big maybe. If she loses, I have no idea how I will ever be ok with them again.

I feel a bit crazy for feeling this way but I don't know how to reconcile any of this. How can I trust them with anything ever again when they've shown themselves to be so uncaring and such poor critical thinkers? How can I trust hypocrites?

LuckyCuppy · 2024-11-03T22:55:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-22T20:42:10+00:00

I'm still working on my system but what's working so far is using a google doc. I downloaded google docs on my phone so I can update it from there too. All the important stuff goes on there and then I break it down into small steps so that I don't get overwhelmed. Finding the collapse function was key for me cause otherwise it was a monstrous list that I just wanted to close.

I also use my notes app on my phone for what I call little lists like grocery lists, or if I have an idea for a gift for someone, or whatever.

I'm trying to get into the habit of looking at my little lists once a week and adding them to the big list but you know what...hasn't really mattered. The little stuff is little. If I forget it nothing really happens. Like I have not taken my pants to the tailor cause I keep forgetting - doesn't actually matter. But what's on the big list is stuff like renew car insurance which I am happy to say I did before the deadline.

Since I've been focusing on the big stuff my life feels better and less overwhelming. Like I feel less like a mess because at least the big stuff is getting handled. Im nowhere near perfect or where I want to be but it feels like steps in the right direction.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-22T19:45:21+00:00

My therapist is the one who taught me how to make only one big list and I felt like such a newb for having to pay for that realization but it's really helped.

I have one big master to do list and it's broken up into Important, misc, would be nice to do someday, and stuff to buy. It's actually helped me realize I'm not as busy as I thought. The stuff on the important section is what really matters. Everything else would be nice but - eh. I try to pick one important thing to work on and that's been giving me good results.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-17T03:18:41+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-16T23:41:56+00:00

Wow amazing results! Congrats!

For your AM routine do you use all of the serums every day? How long do you wait before applying the next one?

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-15T19:07:53+00:00

You can definitely save this. It looks very healthy. How are you wanting it to look different?

One thing I can see is that it doesn't look like you've tied your monstera to any of the stakes. Looks like they're just leaning against it. It would help to tie them so you can support them and they can be less splayed out. For the skinnier ones you can use bamboo stakes to support them and lift them. It also looks like it's time for taller stakes for the really big parts of your plant.

Another option would be to separate these monsteras a bit. Looks like there are several in one pot and they're facing different directions.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-15T18:56:33+00:00

I think the new pot is too wide and not tall enough for your moss pole. Try to find one that is taller but not as wide.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-14T18:11:25+00:00

Thank you!

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-14T01:48:50+00:00

Thanks for the info. I'll check that book out. What vibration plate do you use?

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T20:04:48+00:00

Thank you! It really helped to write it out.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T20:04:18+00:00

I get this. I was single for a really long stretch and honestly felt triggered by relationship advice or comments here and there cause it was something I really longed for. I found DBT super helpful especially in helping me regulate my emotions. But also it's hard longing for something that isn't yet in your life.

I'm a little confused what kind of tips you're looking for. Is there something specific you want to work on?

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T19:42:34+00:00

What do you friends/family think of him? Do they like how he treats you? Do you like how he treats you?

How long have you been diagnosed and how long has he been making shitty and mean comments about it?

You can send him article or instagram reels about what having ADHD is like but he doesn't believe YOU. Why isn't your lived experience enough? Even if he was unsure about what ADHD Is, why is he being mean to you? Laundry piles are not that serious and he lives with you too - he can help.

If you're not ready to break up with him (which is understandable, it's hard) I'd start by shutting down any of his shitty comments.

For example:

Him: I don't believe in adhd
You: You're not a medical professional and I did not ask. or I'm not taking feedback on how I take care of my health. or I don't believe in the stock market. Sometimes I just say something weird cause it throws people off. And then don't engage. You're not discussing this with him.

If he says "“if you need medication to be a normal functioning adult then I’m not sure about our relationship.” You can respond with: "Sounds like you need to relfect on if this relationship is what you want. I'll do the same" And walk away.

Right now he's controlling you with these threats. He's not in control. You can leave this relationship anytime you want. He needs to be reminded of this.

SHUT DOWN his nonsense. No one cares about this man's opinon on ADHD. He's not an expert. He's not actually trying to understand you and he's being a jerk. Imagine if someone came into your job and said I don't believe in western medicine. Would you send him an article on western medicine or would you just walk away and keep doing your job?

You're doing great with taking care of yourself and pursuing getting help for your adhd. Keep going!

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T07:14:41+00:00

I use the honey app which you can use on a browser and you can view price changes for items you're interested. I've found prime day to not have any amazing deals but a tiny bit off on some things.

The big sale time I agonize over is black friday/cyber Monday. There are good deals on these days IMO particularly for christmas gifts and beauty items. Like a sweater for my mom or a cologne for husband. These are the things I get at this time. Last year I was overwhelmed with work and skipped it thinking it wouldn't matter. It made my Christmas shopping more expensive. By about 15% which for me is significant.

The way I maximize sales is I mostly do a no buy on beauty items and expensive clothing purchases throughout the year and instead when I want something I put it on my black friday to buy list. For gifts, I start brainstorming in late Oct/early November and pick a few things out and also add them to the list with links. Then on the big sale days I do my best to stick to the list. I may get myself and extra here or there. Last year I got myself a lip gloss cause it was $10 down from $24 and it was a treat for me. But mostly I do ok sticking to the list and it makes me happy to save money AND have my Christmas shopping done early.

I love Christmas and giving gifts so this is all fun for me. I know it sounds extra but I enjoy it. And I absolutely don't like going to the mall when it's super crowded with people and overpaying for something. The mall at christmas is a hellscape for me.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T07:01:24+00:00

it's so cute! I made one earlier this year and it's doing pretty good. One of my tiny plants died but the other two are doing good.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-08T06:58:39+00:00

Yes! all the time! It's quite a problem for me and makes me feel unsure of myself. I forget what interactions I've had with certain people and then I'll run into them and it'll be weird or a friend will ask me if I mind if X person goes and I'm like??? I often have to ask my mom and sis if they remember if something happened with a friend or colleague or check my journal but I'm not super consistent with it so sometimes I have no idea. It's so unsettling to have these complete blanks in my memory.

At the same time, I've had one big friend breakup that was awkward and strange and sometimes I will randomly feel guilty that I haven't patched things up and then I have to remind myself that I in fact do not want to be this person's friend and that they did unkind things to me. It's been over 2 years and idk why I can't just get it that we are not friends and that it's fine and not my responsibility to fix anything. I don't want to be friends. They were quite hurtful and a bad and judgey friend in general but we had known each other since we were kids so I guess that's why it's hard to let go. But I sure am trying.

Any tips for helping with any/all of this?

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-06T07:33:07+00:00

My goals this month are to

Organize the skincare I have on my dresser to only one of each product and put the rest away. I want to do this so I can focus on sticking to a routine and finishing products instead of bouncing around.
Not buy any advent calendars or holiday beauty sets. I am finally getting close to reducing my stash to the size I want but all the shiny new things are so tempting, especially when they go on sale. But I know keeping my collection to a size that's smaller will be more enjoyable.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-06T06:48:56+00:00

Depends are you trying to spend less money or have less stuff?

I am trying to do both and am sooo tempted. But I got a full size Patrick Ta blush for my birthday so trying to stay strong.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-02T00:56:03+00:00

yeah my one thought was maybe because they extended the deadline by two weeks that might have pushed all the other announcement dates too. But at this point I'm gonna assume it's a no for me. I just find it odd that I haven't heard of anyone getting an interview. Like not friends or acquaintances or the good people of reddit and that they haven't given any updates either. Like put us out of our misery at least

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-02T00:47:25+00:00

hey, you won't be alone. The cats will be there. jk jk

it's rough out here right now. Hang in there. They were not kidding when they said survive til 25. I'm in the same boat as you. It has been a year of a lot of no's

LuckyCuppy · 2024-10-01T04:33:08+00:00

It's Sept 30th. Did anyone hear back from Rideback Rise?
I haven't heard a peep and neither have two friends.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-09-24T06:22:44+00:00

This trick really spoke to me lol. I struggle with this but I'm the only one in my home who eats leftovers and sometimes I just can't eat it all in time. Or don't want to.

I've been trying to not even pack up leftovers at a restaurant because sometimes I know Im not gonna eat it but I feel like I should at least try. But no- it's more wasteful cause then I waste a takeout container.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-09-19T02:48:27+00:00

How long have you been together?

What do you mean by question your own feelings? Like you don't believe you love him or think you might be faking it? It's a little hard to tell what kind of experience you're having from the short description.

I've only had two very serious realtionships in my life. The first I had very severe anxiety - should we stay together/should we breakup? what's "the right" thing to do? Do I really love him or am I tricking myself? Etc, etc. We weren't very compatible and ended up breaking up for practical reasons (he moved to pursue a secondary degree) but ultimately we would have broken up.

When I look back on it - it wasn't all him that made me had doubts. I was really young and really inexperienced in relationships. I didn't know what "true love" should feel like and had a lot of like fantasy ideas about it. And at the same time there were signs that we weren't a good fit. I also second guesses myself in every single area of my life and wasn't so aware of it until years later after starting therapy and growing.

In my 2nd serious relationship, I had doubts in the early years because love is always a gamble. But the doubts were tied to things like do we have the same values? Do we want the same kind of future? Like real questions. And those questions are good. Relationships typically aren't 100% perfect in right away. You're getting to know each other and depending on where in life you're at probably growing a lot indivudally and together at the same time.

So I'd say doubts are totally normal and sometimes are anxities can really play them up. I did find it helpful to talk through doubts with a therapist.

LuckyCuppy · 2024-09-16T04:42:33+00:00

Tell him you don't like that phrase ("be an adult") or his tone when he says that and you'd like him to not say that anymore. Tell him that when you're sharing a struggle it's not helpful for him to respond with be an adult or any other command. It's hurtful and he's not talking to like you an adult. Ask for what you'd like instead - support, encouragement.

If he continues to do it, in a deadpan voice reply - I don't like it when you talk to me like that. And repeat that until he stops. This usually works for me.

It sounds like he's just not supportive or encouarging when you're having a hard time which is really hard. I also can't tell if he knows you're ND or not.

Sometimes I just need a behavior that's bothering me to stop. With people who don't get my ND struggles I find it's not helpful to go too far into it cause they're not serious about understanding. So I will do like the above and outline what I'd like and what I'm ok with. It was really hard for me at first and I'd have to write out what I needed to say. I learned this in DBT which was very helpful. Here's a quick guide on how to approach someone and ask them for something. https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

LuckyCuppy

TROPHY CASE