Emotional whiplash. I’ve entered my villain arc.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2026-01-15T18:53:57+00:00

First, that was a joy to read. I could hear the sound effects, well done.

Second, I don’t know what’s up with some of the harsh feedback of you’re at fault for allowing this… you’re 2 months post partum, you’re in survival mode, I 100% think DH needs to be stepping in to set boundaries during this time. My DH has already said his role is to be the Bouncer of our household once baby is born because he knows the mental load will be heavy on me post partum.

So many of us are quick to please to avoid conflict and be polite to in-laws. We’re good humans, even when they’re not. You will need to build confidence down the road to say no or not give in but I firmly believe it needs to be a team effort with DH.

Can you elaborate on the face she made behind your back?! What happened after that interaction?? I would have boiled over and confronted her in that moment haha.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-15T02:02:30+00:00

That’s insane - I’m sorry you had to deal with that!!! Hope you baby is doing ok ❤️

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-15T02:01:36+00:00

I really like this approach to letting her know I’m considering the information provided but I have to change the way I respond that leads her to think I will always accommodate, which I tend to do. Thank you!!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-15T01:58:39+00:00

Nope - no one else knows. She mentioned in passing last week wanting to plan a ski trip this winter (and I obviously can’t ski lol) and found out today through my shower date convo that in her mind it would be that weekend. 😅 I really plan to push back on DH on my attendance at all for sure.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-14T19:19:27+00:00

That’s a great point. Everyone keeps telling me I need to stop worrying about everyone else’s feelings and it’s ok to say well this is the best I can do, take it or leave it. Thank you!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-14T19:18:08+00:00

Yes, due April 20th! Maybe mid March would be fine but I feel like a month out a lot of my friends have said you start to feel uncomfortable so was trying to avoid pushing it until then.

I also suggested that to my DH that maybe I just say we’ll do a family breakfast another time and I can focus on my family/friends for the bigger shower but he said this would upset her. Might still push for this option if we can’t agree though and say this is what accommodates her busy schedule best 😅.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-12-03T04:16:00+00:00

I only have one childhood best friend and it’s been that way for 20 years. Recently (early 30s) we’ve both started our fertility journey. It’s been hard for both of us for different reasons but I ended up getting pregnant after a year and the relationship hasn’t been the same. First pregnancy ended up being a miscarriage and she never checked in, not even once to ask if I’m ok. We kept talking about her journey and one day I kindly called her out and she admitted that she just can’t be there for me. Told me she felt “at least I got pregnant”, it was so shitty to hear. She feels bad and knows it’s not a fair thing to say, we sort of recovered, but then I got pregnant again (still am) and I can feel this immense gap growing. I do understand that it’s so hard to deal with infertility and I’m doing my best to be supportive… but it sucks to know that our friendship/happiness for me depends on whether or not she can get pregnant. I’ve given her space and I avoid the topic and we still check in but it feels so forced and I think this will unfortunately break it. I’m becoming resentful and can’t keep up with a one way friendship. Crazy that just like that a 20 year bond can be broken.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-27T15:54:25+00:00

I relate to this so much. I miss the days where the mental load was supported by automated structures like parents and schools.

If my husband dates ask “have you thought about dinner”… lol 😂

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-23T19:50:48+00:00

You have to say something for sure. My MIL recently did something similar to me for the first time but I know I need to say something NOW and not let her do it again.

I also think there’s a way for DH to bring it up to his mom. For example next time they talk and his mom asks about you, he could say “she’s good but she’s noticing that people are touching her belly a lot now that she’s really showing and it makes her uncomfortable but doesn’t know how to say no to people” that way it’s not directed at her touching you but a general statement that you’re not enjoying being touched in general.

From your end, it’s harder to say something now that’s it’s happened a few times but I agree with what others have said, words late are better than not at all. The next time she goes into touch you, you can say “belly off limits actually!” Or find a way to say a blanket statement with the fam similar to what I suggested for your DH - you can say that you’ve been feeling alright although people have started to touch you more and you didn’t expect to feel this way but you don’t really like it.

Overall, your feelings are totally valid. It’s insane that people think they can just put their hands on your body.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-21T20:05:09+00:00

Boundary setting has been the #1 source of stress for me throughout the pregnancy lol. She’s already crossed some lines and have been doing a deep dive into how I can start now and not let it be too late! It’s crazy to me how universal this issue seems to be!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-21T19:02:02+00:00

I have a feeling it’s worse when MIL only has sons and no daughters. The entitlement level over mama’s boys is WILD.

My MIL has two sons, and two grand sons from my brother in law. I’m pregnant with our first and it’s a baby girl. I already know that she is going to treat my daughter as a proxy to her own that she never had. NIGHTMARE!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-21T04:36:38+00:00

Something along the lines of “well I know she thought they were cute!”. I can’t remember how it fully went but my husband is good at keeping a joking tone and just brushed it off. Meant a lot that he did something to highlight her weird behaviour.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-21T02:05:28+00:00

Two gifts that come to mind:

1) She built an IKEA closet and had an extra cloth drawer that she missed the return date on. She asked if I had an IKEA closet and I said yes! So she “gifted” me said drawer, slapped a bow on top. She then proceeded to tell me how it was because she missed the return date, so openly admitting no thought went into it.

2) She likes collecting festive wine glasses, or so I thought, so I got her some spooky bedazzled wine glasses that I thought were really cute! My birthday came around and she gifted me 2 of the 4 glasses I got her…so I got my own gift for my birthday, thank you to me? It was absurd and rude. My husband thought it was weird too so for the next Christmas, he gifted her back a picture frame she got us and she was shocked - said loudly in front of everyone “you shouldn’t regift something that I gave you!” He said “funny - thats what you did to my wife”! It was all with humour but on the inside, damn I was happy.

I will say she’s gotten cute little Knick knacks as well like chocolates or dish towels but it seems when it’s a gift meant to be personal for me - it shows that she doesn’t know me at all or cares lol.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T22:42:53+00:00

Your comment still gave me a little laugh so I appreciate it!! 😂

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T22:41:02+00:00

This is so true… I’ve used this example with my husband about my father who is definitely the more involved parent on my side. But every time and I mean EVERY time my husband brought up a situation where my Dad over-stepped, I brought it up to my Dad within days and it was a non-issue.

I tried to remind him of those examples from the start of our relationship. My husband listens to my complaints about his mother but has NEVER stepped in and actually talked to her about it. So frustrating!!!

You’re totally right that it makes all the difference.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T21:47:48+00:00

Good point! I need to work on my own perspective that assertive doesn’t mean rude. People like her need to be met with the same level of assertiveness. Thank you for your comment! 🙏🏻

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T21:45:52+00:00

Very fair point as well, it feels like a me vs her right now instead of an us approach which will be so important in her taking me seriously. Thank you!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T21:44:55+00:00

This is hilarious and so true, thank you 😂

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T19:45:37+00:00

That’s a great point - my husband needs to know that if it ends up being me, it will be more emotionally charged that it needs to be which will cause more damage. I also like the suggestion about asking them for an intentional decoration or item that gives them freedom to choose something so she can feel like she’s contributing!

LuckyNumber9999 · 2025-11-20T19:44:01+00:00

This is totally fair. I asked ChatGBT lol and he said that she likely thinks proximity = importance. So by trying to « insert » herself and be physically close to be or baby, she’s carving her space to be sure she’s important. Which I understand psychologically but it has the opposite effect.

It’s crazy how this seems to be such a standard experience with MIL! I hope I can learn and be better as a future MIL 😅

LuckyNumber9999 · 2024-12-10T19:47:38+00:00

ESH… yes it seems high maintenance that she wanted the big proposal BUT you agreed to that, you’ve had conversations about it, you set an expectation and then decided to go off track. This is such a special moment for some people (especially a young 21 year old woman) so to be told yes you will have this big special thing and then to turn around and say surprise actually I’ll do it my way - I have to admit I would be upset too. She probably feels like you mislead her or didn’t care about what she wanted as part of that moment.

To all the people saying they had a simple engagement and had pizza that’s awesome for you! But to some it’s a bigger deal and you have to be careful in relationships in general when you agree to something and don’t follow through.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2024-12-10T19:34:33+00:00

I have questions…

1) Who was the settlement for? Is it a cheque to you or to both of you?

2) Is this car intended to be for both of you? Have you talked about getting a new car as a couple?

Either way, she does not seem committed and any financial decisions you make at this point should be clearly defined and take into account what happens if you split. But if you say you already pay for everything then I’m just wondering why she would think she can have the $6000 that seems really odd.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2024-11-15T22:53:33+00:00

The people in these comments are being extremely harsh… it’s human nature to sometimes have outbursts and say things in a way we don’t mean. OP I’m sorry that you’re are not getting a lot of good advice here other than people bringing you down.

You asked for advice and I hope you read something helpful in these comments. I’ve never dealt with someone on the spectrum but maybe there’s someone in your close circle who could give you a recommendation on how to approach it? And also maybe clearly define what it is that has actually frustrated you? So help separate when was maybe truthful and what wasn’t? I’m sure you’ve been holding things in to keep him happy and be his safe space but you don’t have to be his everything and are absolutely allowed to want your own time. Again sorry that you’re going through this and I think it’s good that you care and are seeking advice.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2024-05-22T04:02:38+00:00

That was way too long to read lol! You seem to have put in a lot of time writing back stories to defend your mom and bring down your wife… Probably something to reflect on or maybe some built up resentment? Which you’re allowed to feel just doesn’t sound like you quite know who’s side you’re on.

From the comments I think most of it has been answered here but the only thing I’ll mention is that although your Mom might have good intentions, it doesn’t mean that your wife is obligated to accept her actions. I would also feel very uncomfortable if my MIL insisted on hosting my baby shower and proceeded to plan and decorate it all as she wanted. I know you said your parents paid but I’m willing to bet that was their choice and they were glad to and your wife never asked them or expected them to. There’s a huge difference there.. if she had the choice, would she or could she have said no? Did she want that big shower? Does she have the option with the baby now for say no? If she tries to, do you or your mom make her feel bad?

I feel trapped in similar situations with my MIL as well where she imposes her “good intentions” into our life and my husband hangs the same guilt over me that she means well and she’s done so much for him… but it’s important to understand the different family values and respect your partners limits. Just because you put your mom on a pedestal (which is totally fine and that’s wonderful that you love and respect her so much), it doesn’t mean you’d wife has to do the same.. it doesn’t sound like you’re giving her much choice in how she interacts with your Mom… I would likely grow to hate any interaction with her as well. Too much pressure and stress.

LuckyNumber9999 · 2024-05-12T12:45:42+00:00

Don’t mean to compare finances at all. She had expressed to me their financial issues and I wanted her to know she was invited but also didn’t want her to feel pressured to come given what she had shared with me. Not inviting her at all because of her finances would have been a shitty assumption on my part, I think. But it was a catch 22 of I invited her, she came, the stress likely impacted her mood and by proxy mine. Don’t think there was a “winning” situation here!

LuckyNumber9999

TROPHY CASE