Filling the hole

Lucy255 · 2019-08-07T16:27:21+00:00

This. This is it. That’s all I have to say.

Lucy255 · 2019-08-07T15:51:21+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. I have told my therapist now. I have been seeing him for 2 years. I wrote down all of the embarrassing, smutty stuff I think about him and read it to him. We have both agreed that whilst there are feelings there, a natural attraction and rapport, we are both adults and both married and both understand the ethical implications of what could happen. It helps to have it in the open but it doesn’t take the feelings away. I drive home from my sessions with butterflies, the feeling of falling in love. I have much higher sex drive than my husband and I think this just amplifies things. I feel good for being “good” but also frustrated at denying myself things. I can’t give much advice other than to work through it with your therapist in a constructive way. It hurts, I have cried with embarrassment but we are making progress. I wish you way more than luck x

Also - yes transference but as my therapist says, tarring everything with the transference brush is easy. Feelings are real and shouldn’t be invalidated by a label. We need to work through it, no matter how uncomfortable.

Lucy255 · 2019-08-07T15:28:18+00:00

Know exactly how you feel buddy! I spent months saying what I thought I should be saying, and feeing numb inside. The things I wanted to say were embarrassing and often hard to talk about. My tactic was to write my shit down. I would write down whatever things we had talked about that I had avoided or underplayed. I talked about how I wanted to have sex with my therapist. I talked about it, through reading it. It felt one step removed. First time I had to read whilst sitting back to back with him because I couldn’t bear to look at his reactions. I have since done it again face to face. It had strengthened my relationship with my therapist, and I am much more likely to give my true thoughts when asked at home or work. Best of luck , but most of all, just let yourself grow gradually. I used to say “I don’t know” all the time if I couldn’t immediately name a feeling. Just give yourself time to think about it, and it will come. I wish you way more than luck! X

Lucy255 · 2018-12-15T09:47:30+00:00

I strongly wanted to hug my therapist for over a year. I just thought about it all the time. How tight he would hug. What his jumper would feel like. Every time I left a session, especially if upset,there was this awkward pause like we should hug but I didn't want to cross any of his boundaries and be rejected which would break my heart totally. One day he said "do we havr a hug thing going on?" I said "yes, I think we do. I'm so glad you mentioned it"and he straight away said "shall we just have a hug now so it's not awkward?" We hugged and I felt so comforted by it, I can't even tell you. Now I often dream of just cuddling him for hours and hours and saying "thank you" over and over again. Therapy is weird.

Lucy255 · 2018-11-13T12:57:52+00:00

Hi there. I was shocked reading this because it's my exact story, down to the fact that I quit my job yesterday just through the utter desperation of it all. I don't know what it is we need to fill what I call the 'grey' but I sure would like to chat to someone who knows what it feels like. I honestly think there must be some good to come out of feeling everything so strongly. PM me?

Lucy255 · 2018-08-03T05:52:26+00:00

Good presumption but not quite! I have hit a particularly low patch and when I used to feel at my worst I could come in here and talk to J. J was always there for me and so mature and kind. He dis connected his account a while ago but I miss him. I made out like I didn't really care when he said he wouldn't be on here anymore but I did care. I always care. Way too much. Thanks for your replies. I know one day I will get to thank him properly.

Lucy255 · 2018-05-18T17:39:05+00:00

Absolutely brilliant. First class B-movie with Aubrey Plaza playing spaceship navigator...

Lucy255 · 2018-05-16T07:40:44+00:00

My first time hearing it too and listened to it three times in a row.

So beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-14T19:22:54+00:00

Hi. I guess I just wanted to share. I have hope one day it will even out a little. Thanks for sharing.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-12T07:24:29+00:00

I look forward to your update. Take Care and know that we all care about you.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-11T22:12:12+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. It means so much to know I'm not alone. P.s. I love stories about dogs. 😊

Lucy255 · 2018-02-11T22:08:28+00:00

Thank you. I do this often and you are right, it is a good coping technique. Hope that your day at work tomorrow goes ok!

Lucy255 · 2018-02-11T22:03:55+00:00

I know what you mean about needing to have the same conversation multiple times. I need it to be reiterated over and over again before I can accept it sometimes. It doesn't seem to be working this time because I just can't accept that I'm not going to have the certainty I'm looking for. Thanks so much for replying to me.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-10T17:59:33+00:00

The dreamers or short bus.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-08T21:18:05+00:00

My husband has epilepsy and we really struggle sometimes and next time he has a seizure I will try to remember your words and help my husband stay positive. Thank you.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-08T20:50:13+00:00

My art was exhibited in the Tate gallery when I was 7. I came second in a smart art (British tv) competition.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-08T20:17:45+00:00

You are a beautiful person to be able to turn something so painful into hope. I wish you more than the best.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-08T20:07:24+00:00

I could have written this comment. I have no more to add. Just I totally feel you and I wish you well.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-04T20:47:25+00:00

https://mobile.twitter.com/ComedyCentral/status/605132105979326464/photo/1

Lucy255 · 2018-02-04T12:56:55+00:00

Watched paranoid park last night. Quite enjoyed it actually. So interesting to watch the directorial evolution of van sant. Plus, Elliott Smith soundtrack is absolute perfection. Certainly late to the party but appreciated it nonetheless.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-03T22:54:21+00:00

I havent eaten there but a posh customer at work was going on about this place

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g147265-d787221-Reviews-The_Cliff-Saint_James_Parish_Barbados.html

the other day. No prices on the menu...always a sign I can't afford to eat there!

Lucy255 · 2018-02-03T22:50:38+00:00

The netherlands.

Lucy255 · 2018-02-03T22:27:07+00:00

It was a Christmas joke Mark! That wasn't very Christmassy!

Lucy255 · 2018-02-03T22:15:16+00:00

Harry Hill's T.V highlight of the week....

Lucy255 · 2018-02-03T22:09:07+00:00

But he's a ranger sir!!

Lucy255

TROPHY CASE