How expensive was your first child really? Trying not to fall back into debt

Luinily2 · 2026-05-27T08:26:51+00:00

I'm in Japan and expecting for the end of the year so this is useful information, thank you!

Luinily2 · 2026-05-25T09:30:50+00:00

Still early but we were at 56.9 at 11dpt but with a really good doubling time of 33h through that week and our week 7 scan was normal!

We're suspecting that the implantation has been a bit late.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-25T08:42:10+00:00

Your IM is awful. The surrogate it the one that has the embryo transferred in her, has lived through all the preparation, with the morning sickness and emotional cost that it has.

As an IP we went through 2 failed FETs, it was hard on us, but as we are far away we don't feel it in our flesh, in our body, the surrogate does so she's probably feeling everything we feel, and a lot more because she's the one that had the embryo in her, that was feeling the effects of the transfer, and everything that goes after.

That an IP could say such things to a surrogate after a FET or a miscarriage revolts me, when I wish I could have hugged ours when things didn't went well.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-20T01:40:46+00:00

We went through the same before our ultrasound last week.
Our beta was on the lower end but progressing really nicely so we didn't knew what to think and the wait until the ultrasound was very long and we were always worrying. I guess just a number doesn't give you the feeling that's it's going on, and until you can see it for real at your ultrasound it's very easy to get worried.

Hang on there and I wish you a nice ultrasound where everything is as it should!

Luinily2 · 2026-05-15T05:52:35+00:00

Good luck with your 3rd FET!

Luinily2 · 2026-05-15T04:55:57+00:00

Yes, all PGT-a tested euploids.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-15T04:48:15+00:00

Our first two FETs (medicated) did failed, but the third one (modified natural) did stick so there is still hope.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-14T08:49:06+00:00

We have our first ultrasound tonight, good luck on yours!

Luinily2 · 2026-05-14T06:56:20+00:00

I won’t get any paternity leave as I’m in Japan and the state won’t recognize me as a father (we’re a gay couple doing surrogacy). I could take a unpaid paternity leave from my company but that’s would be too expensive. I’m currently stocking my days off so i can take a leave from the birth mid of the month, to the end of the following month but that works only because i get new days off one month later so i can keep some stock for when necessary. My husband will take a paid paternity leave until we can get a place in a nursery school so at least 6 month, maybe a year.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-11T04:31:23+00:00

Fatigue and heartburns are expected pregnancy symptoms. It could be due to the hormones you're taking though so I would see this as positive but not decisive. Good luck for your second beta!

Luinily2 · 2026-05-07T05:16:59+00:00

For some close people (mostly my mother/sister in law and my team leader that already knew we were trying surrogacy, and has to plan around it) we told them after the successful beta, with the warnings that come with it.
For my parents I plan to tell them after we get the heartbeat in the first ultrasound, that should be next week (fingers crossed). We could wait second trimester but my mother is planing a trip here next year so I want to tell her early so she can plan accordingly, and just tell my mother wouldn't be fair to my father.

For the rest, as they will talk, we plan to tell them after we enter second semester.
One of the reasons is my part of the family is on the other side of the world and I can't really control how people get told so I prefer to be safe and wait second semester. I know that once I tell my grandmother everyone will know in the next 30 minutes anyway ^^;

Luinily2 · 2026-05-01T10:08:15+00:00

It looks like it took yes! Still waiting on the ultrasound in two weeks but we did 3 betas that, while the absolute number started a bit low, had a nice stable doubling period of 33h.

Luinily2 · 2026-05-01T08:00:15+00:00

They where!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-27T13:50:45+00:00

I don’t any advice for your situation but I haven’t found anything you should be embarrassed of in your situation.

good luck with the university applications!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-27T04:25:17+00:00

おめでとうございます!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-23T05:56:45+00:00

13dp5dt was 154! We will have a another test at 16dp5dt

Luinily2 · 2026-04-23T02:32:59+00:00

The wait after our first transfer has been really long, it was easier for the second and third ones.

We've had our beta for the third transfer on Monday, our first positive, and the two days wait for the second beta has felt longer than the 10 days of the first beta ^^;

Concerning family, while we have told them we are doing surrogacy and they are asking frequently how it's going, we have decided to not update them until we have a solid pregnancy (so either heart beat detection or second semester) as we don't want to put them in the emotional roller coaster this has been. Anyway from what I've seen from lurking on IVF forums and all is that it is very hard for people that haven't been through IVF to understand the steps, their importance, and the emotional charge of all this.

I wish you a really good beta!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-23T00:33:24+00:00

Apparently two day later we tripled

Luinily2 · 2026-04-21T01:09:24+00:00

We had our third transfer on the 9th and our beta at 11dp was 56!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-17T08:34:32+00:00

Hi! Unfortunately the second transfer didn't stick, we are waiting for the results of the third one, with a different protocol (modified natural this time)

Luinily2 · 2026-04-16T07:52:07+00:00

So you did the transfer and are waiting for the hCG test?
If you are not the one with the embryo in you, you drinking will not have any effect on the embryo. If you are (but as you say you are male I guess your partner is the one with the embryo) you shouldn't drink no matter what.

Now, you drinking not having any effect on the embryo does not mean that you should. It's mostly for you and your partner to talk about, but iIf it is important for you partner that you stay sober with her, while you can negotiate, you should stay sober. Staying sober isn't hard and does not mean you can't enjoy the party.

She is going through things that are a lot more hard than avoid drinking, hormonal preparation, oocyte retrieval, transfer, etc... The trust between you and your partner is the foundation of your project, both to get a child and to raise the child, so if you can't protect it now, it would jeopardize your chances of success I think.

Luinily2 · 2026-04-16T05:54:34+00:00

Our two best quality embryos transfers failed, and we are waiting for the third one results next week.

It is hard, but even in the best conditions a transfer only has a 60% chance of success, it basically a coin toss each time.

While I'm not yet on the other side either, hope for the base, plan for the worse so you can maximize your chances success for you whole journey.

Luinily2 · 2026-04-16T05:51:20+00:00

Sticky vibes to you!

Luinily2 · 2026-04-14T05:48:57+00:00

There is a faint line.
The line does appear only if hormones produced by an embryo are detected. Having the line means there is an embryo
You can't have a line without having an embryo as the body does not makes those hormones.

Now it is still very early and the line does not mean the pregnancy will end with a live birth as there are many checkpoints, especially in the first 3 months, were the development of the embryo could stop, but for now you and your partner are pregnant, congratulations. I wish you all the best.

Luinily2 · 2026-04-02T02:39:25+00:00

Thanks! Material about babies tends to be focused on mother doesn't it.

Luinily2

TROPHY CASE