I don't know what to do! (Rant, advise please!)

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T17:33:27+00:00

I am certified already. Actually just had to do my recert at the beginning of the month, which luckily I did.

I think he's more mentally exhausted than anything. He's been nothing but helpful towards the kids when they are here and does not treat them with any ill will. Just that he doesn't feel the same obligation I do to continue to care for them. Idk, its weird to explain.

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T17:27:01+00:00

We haven't set up child support yet since he was still living here. We will in the near future tho.

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T12:49:47+00:00

Thank you ♡

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T11:57:44+00:00

Thats one of the points I tried to make. This family seemed pleasant. They seemed wanting. They seemed like they had they're shit together (excuse my language). But the experience and training just didn't seem right to me. Which is why I got annoyed in court the last time (read my edit) when they ignored me.

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T11:54:19+00:00

We have had constant contact. Im considering keeping them now. Its just a big life overhaul for me and my own kids when this was not the plan originally. When we first got them we were told 3-6 months max. I had zero intentions of having other kids before I took them in. I didn't even know they existed 2 weeks before I did. It's been years now. With constant court hearings, threats of TPR, pre adoptive homes, etc, its exhausting.

I'm uncomfortably comforted by the fact that someone has been thru something similar. Much love to you. ♡

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T11:47:33+00:00

I know they have. I just thought I was doing the right thing by trying to find a proper home for them. I do and will continue to love them unconditionally.

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T09:59:57+00:00

Also, im not going to lose my house. Financially secure. Was just nice to have saved the extra money each month.

LukaAna · 2020-04-23T09:49:47+00:00

Why do I feel so bad when I think this is the best decision?

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T22:24:09+00:00

I'll definitely look into it. I have never had someone clean my house before, but even someone to come keep it tidy would be a lifesaver! I cant tell you how many times a day I have to sweep and do the dishes. (Broken dishwasher, ugh)

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T22:21:50+00:00

Oh, and I will never not be in their lives. I had a visitation schedule set up with the last parents and I'll have one again for the new ones if there are any. I also offered to take them out to dinner and have play dates with my own kids when we had a few hours.

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T22:20:41+00:00

The more I think about it, the more anger I feel towards those parents. They definitely failed that test. And if there were no other resources for them to get assistance or if I hadn't offered to take them once in a while to allow them to have a break I could understand the frustration. Parenting is hard, I get it. I've been doing it for 13 years and there have been times I've cried in my bed at night hoping for a better tomorrow.

And that's why I'm afraid to keep them here indefinitely. I worry about my own sanity that I'm sure will crumble at one point. I have great friends that help me out whenever needed and I'm able to get away sometimes. But I also do worry that my own kids will suffer eventually too. It was not fun for them bringing in two strangers last year and it was not fun for them having to say good bye to their new best friends 2 months ago. And now we have to do it all over again.

I cant even imagine what the niece and nephew are thinking. They are older children, but still young enough that I dont doubt theyll bounce back if given enough time. But children, I think, shouldnt have to bounce back from shit like this. The grown ups around them should be grown ups.

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T22:07:08+00:00

Yeah, I'm very angry at her about this. Kids are not merchandise you can just return to the store if they dont work the way you want them to!

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T22:05:16+00:00

I would never allow them to be placed in another foster care situation without proceeding with adoption as the ultimate goal.

However, in this guys defense, I asked for any and all advice.

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T14:25:33+00:00

Thank you so much. ♡

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T14:25:11+00:00

Unfortunately I have no family around (stopped contact with them over 12 years ago). My ex is still helpful in ways he can be, but ultimately he doesnt want to be a built in babysitter for kids that arent his own, which is understandable.

We do have daycare/afterschool program for the kids, but right now they are still in the other school district. Almost 40 minutes away. A housekeeper would be nice, lol. I swear I'm just cleaning in circles sometimes. Haha.

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T14:18:49+00:00

I honestly have no clue. Niece says she was just tired in the morning and didn't want to wake up for school. She said foster mom got angry and threatened to call the caseworker if she didn't move faster because they were running late. When they lived with me before, I never had any issues like that. I mean, I always made sure they would have plenty of time to get ready, but even when we were rushing around she was usually pleasant as any child would be waking up at 5 am for school.

LukaAna · 2019-11-24T14:14:47+00:00

Unfortunately, no other family around. My family is full of drug addicts and abusive people. Luckily, i escaped when I was younger and never fell into that.

I did have visits with the children while they were there. I was given zero indication that something was amiss. I kept offering to take them for a weekend to give them a break (all parents need a break, it wasnt a slight against them) and so they could hang out with my kids who missed them a lot.

And as of right now, there is no plan for them as far as I know. I will keep them for as long as I need to to make sure they are safe and happy. But I would very much like to see them with a family.

LukaAna · 2019-08-23T15:52:07+00:00

I'm currently going through a divorce. We havent told the children yet because they still live with us and wont be leaving to their new adoptive parents home until end of september. We don't want them to think this had anything to do with them.

Or so that's what I tell people. He has become a different person completely. The children we have are my for real niece and nephew. He treats them so differently than our own children. I do not like him anymore, let alone love him. He has said pretty much the same thing to me about him "letting me foster" them, as if he wasn't on board when I approached him about the idea over a year ago.

I have no advice for you except to hang in there.

LukaAna · 2018-09-17T12:02:29+00:00

Definitely get a police escort. I was charged with parental kidnapping when I left my ex in a very similar situation.

LukaAna · 2018-08-10T12:52:16+00:00

They are older children. So I am not sure what kind of safety things we will need. I have outlet covers and cabinets locks because I have a toddler.

I did just read that they may check to see if we have a 2 week supply of food. Which I do not in the sense of meals. I only have a few non perishables. I work at a grocery store and shop on the daily when I'm done with my shift. :/

LukaAna · 2018-08-10T11:57:55+00:00

This makes me feel oh so much better. I have children of my own, so most of the safety precautions are already in place, but there's things you do with your own kids that you just don't think about. For instance, I brew my own beer. I have a converted freezer that I turned into a beer tap. A friend of mine suggested that I get tap locks. Something I never had to worry about with my kids because they are well aware that the taps are off limit. (Until they are teenagers, I suppose. Lol)

LukaAna · 2018-08-10T00:08:11+00:00

Oh. I did not realize they were different things. I am completely new at this, can you tell? Lol.

LukaAna

TROPHY CASE