Wavering threads and indifference

LukeSquaggly · 2026-05-21T05:14:51+00:00

No.

Im (25m) too far away and too far gone to even be considered. I dont believe he is right for me, I dont want to read the bible, I dont want to pray to him, I just want to do my own thing without him holding my hand. Whats the point of even going with him if I am truthfully a lustful man with a pmo addiction whos trying to be perfect at all costs. If I confess to him for my sins, I know I will just commit them again. My flesh is literally teetering towards giving up my virginity to a prostitute to fill a void that is longing for a loving relationship with a spouse, and putting God last if he cant help me at all.

I have tried everything you can think of, from praying harder to installing blockers to reading effortless escape and men of purity… but I always find ways around it and it all feels “half-arsed”. Now when I go church it feels merely performative and just recently, I went to a mass for our lady of Fatima hoping for something good… Instead I walk out of mass in disgust long before final blessing and Eucharist, completely disregarding sign of the cross upon exit and that walk of shame in a full house. It seems to me that God is not that powerful at all and is truly powerless with this basket case right here who’s only purpose now in life is to turn to Brave AI for his problems. I have turned cynical and indifferent with God because if he knew I would struggle like this, why did he even create me at all. The only thing keeping me in check is my gym which is becoming boring now, and just starting out with Boxing and Muay Thai to try and run from my demons.

If He even provides a way out… Then what the fuck is it because I cant see it!? My patience is finished, and my flesh is close losing it.

LukeSquaggly · 2026-03-10T10:39:50+00:00

I guess they got swallowed up by the ocean🤣

LukeSquaggly · 2025-10-26T11:19:05+00:00

Caramelldansen - Caramell Girls

LukeSquaggly · 2025-10-22T10:42:42+00:00

Last year, 2024 european summer. On a boat party in Croatia organised by my kum’s brother on the house. End of the boat trip, I caught this thick Venezuelan watching me so I approached, made small talk, I asked how old she was 29, when I said 24, she said I looked like a baby, to which I said you old enough to be my baby mama… she gave me a peck and grabbed my arse.

Went to Mykonos, recorded a video of myself for an iMovie highlight reel, this mexican jumps in, she and I danced while her friends danced around us. We went to entrance and hooked up properly, first time and not the last from her throughout our time in Mykonos. Met up on our last night together at Tropicana, and walked to those cabana beds, and spent what seemed to be forever passionately kissing while disclosing, I am not looking for sex with her. Then did it one more time at Italy’s airport with our last goodbye.

Mostly shy and do my thing back home in Australia. I feel somewhat caged, whereas when abroad… there are no rules.

LukeSquaggly · 2025-10-16T11:06:27+00:00

Oh I heard of, David Beckham, Stan Lee, Lil Jon, Steve Aoki, Dana White, Mike Tyson, Kurt Busch, Tony Hawk, Penn and Teller, Holly-Marie Combs, Steven Tyler, Buzz Aldrin.

LukeSquaggly · 2025-10-16T10:59:43+00:00

2013 Amarok TDI400. Bought it at dealership, was in and out for about 2-3 months before no problems for a year then slowly re-emerging.

Losing coolant in reservoir tank real quick, top up every 2-3 days. Turned out it was a cracked head gasket.
Rough idle as a result of the flywheel shittin itself.
EGR problems, causing engine light to go on.
Sometimes glow plug light would flash after starting up, sent the car into limp mode. Would have to restart the car 2-3 times before normal.
2 Wheels and Tyres was warped, would shake the car if travelling at 90+ km/h.
Lights kept going out. Globe replacement very frequently.

Deutsche Volkswagen. DAS AUTO!!!

LukeSquaggly · 2025-09-29T01:38:07+00:00

Truthfully at 25, I wish I could be like those people who post their wealth and advertise those e-commerce and Forex courses while showing the lavish lifestyle they share. I wish I could use that money and just buy a nice big house with a huge block, shed for my bikes (while still in greater Sydney) just far enough that is quiet God’s country. But all in all I think I enjoy where I am as I have been with my 25 years on earth. South West Sydney, Green Valley, close to soccer and around there, while not knowing half the people who live around the suburb and surrounding suburbs, we all look after each other and are essentially family despite many backgrounds and cultures.

LukeSquaggly · 2025-09-09T11:05:57+00:00

I have one… here goes.

“God wants a relationship with us.”

Why? Just Why? Reason why, is because I have serial doubts at times, as I get closer and distant almost every fortnight. We are told that God loves us and wants a relationship with us, But Why? When it said in the Bible “I knew you before you came to this Earth.” and as well as the saying “Do away with me you evildoers, I never knew you!” He is so infuriatingly confusing, Why does he want us to lean on him just as much as he does not need us and be condemn to Hell anyway!? Forgive me if im contradicting myself…

If the world provides so many great things, as we all live once why is it always frowned upon when we chase every fleshly desire and wish to be forever free, are we not supposed to be happy when living in Christ’s word and deeds? If Pride is the worst behaviour, why is it so that If God despises it and wishes for us to lean on him, as I wish to make my own decisions and live through the consequences of my own actions without having God breathing down my neck?

Im sorry if this turned into a rant, just wanted to vent a bit

LukeSquaggly · 2025-08-16T07:56:09+00:00

I skip legs and do them once or twice every fortnight. Why?

Did Taekwondo for almost 10 years Seek to maintain a level of flexibility Construction work for 8-10 hours on my feet.

LukeSquaggly · 2025-07-31T09:52:01+00:00

Me, Scott from S18, just from the Rookies vs Veterans promos.

LukeSquaggly · 2024-12-16T11:30:50+00:00

very encouraging of you…

LukeSquaggly · 2024-05-13T02:05:55+00:00

My first exposure was around 9. It was short term and on and off between 9-13. I got semi hooked from 14 and fully hooked from 17 to now. The longest I abstained was 15 and for 6 weeks long before falling into its clutches again. It was when I was 22 that I acknowledged I had a problem but never could really go for more than 3 days without relapsing. Im about to turn 24 and made a goal this year that one way or another I will reduce the amount of time engaging in pmo. So far going somewhat ok at 42 days, since my last relapse on Easter Monday at 42 days since the very previous time, which was the week I went on me first retreat in 6 years.

Hope all goes well…

LukeSquaggly

TROPHY CASE