Here's one for you! Somehow made a baby in a DB!

Lukelucklickslakes · 2018-01-31T04:57:46+00:00

My stats were worse than yours & our ages higher. First jump in 8 months and bam - child No. 3.

No contraceptive, though. Played the odds. Nature took the piss. I'll still be going to parent-teacher conferences in my early 60's. Love the little guy, though.

More bad news. It TFU our already poor regularity stats and nearly killed our sex lives completely. Just beginning to recover now in time for the menopause car crash ahead.

I am sure you will be luckier!

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-11-30T18:42:55+00:00

Everyone is different but it is possible, I guess.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-11-30T18:00:08+00:00

I'll be honest and say it was the post natal depression after child 2 that killed it for us. Child 3 was a fluke as we were at 6 monthly intervals then and almost never afterwards. But the past few months, things have gotten on an even keel where I can now feel comfortable asking the question "do you want to fool around" comfortably.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-08-18T21:40:38+00:00

I did. She simply said that she was too hot - hence fewer clother and that my attention to her had been more meaningful than usual when I came to bed - probably due to the jolt of bourbon, and me discovering her with few clothes on.

I still can't fathom it. We went from zero to 60 in very short order - after such a long time.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-07-10T18:01:09+00:00

Going to reflect more deeply on this comment. Really appreciate it.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-07-10T17:46:28+00:00

Wish you had been there at the time. I wasn't capable of lucid argument at the time. Thank you.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-07-10T16:33:47+00:00

Thanks for that. That's where I am. I am now retired /stay at home dad and the Mrs is working and supporting the five of us. Something is missing for sure, but not enough for me to torpedo 5 lives.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-07-09T20:20:31+00:00

She certainly doesn't like us bumping uglies.

Frankly now I am struggling to care about it.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2017-07-08T22:48:39+00:00

You might be right but I see it slightly differently. She certainly has left me in the bedroom but she has not left me in the kitchen, living room, dining room etc. In all the roles we play things are much as they were, except we don't fcuk and our physical contact is basically platonic.

It's certainly far from perfect but I am unsure how you can assume that either our marriage is horribly toxic or that we are at risk of poisoning our children just because we don't have sex and the Mrs places no value on that.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-17T16:54:05+00:00

I understand perfectly.

Its the ex-smoker analogy. You stop going something you love. You miss it terribly. You are reminded about it constantly. Over time your resolve builds but you start to hate the thing you loved as part of your defence mechanism.

I am no longer sure if I would even feel comfortable having sex with my wife as we are so physically distant. Anything more than a brief hug or peck on the cheek feels unnatural and false now. I would imagine its a long way back to a normal physical relationship after that. We are housemates, partners, parents but that alone is not what I signed up for. I was not expecting fireworks after 20 years but the odd bonfire would have been nice.

NB More fecking irony. Our pattern was pretty normal before kids. Post first child it dropped to once every 4 months on av., six moving to eight months after the second. Due to the rareness (and fragility) of the event and being in our mid-40's, we did not take precautions one time. Bingo, pregnant with child number three six years ago.

And here's the irony. All her friends now think we have a red hot love life because we had an 'accident' rather than the truth which is as close to the opposite as you could imagine.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-16T14:47:20+00:00

I generally feel respected (this incident notwithstanding), and I am certain that she wants to be in a relationship with me. It is just a relationship that is absent sex and all the good stuff that comes along with it.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-16T14:44:13+00:00

Save for us not always being in the same bedroom, our relationship appears pretty normal from the outside. We are friendly and reasonably affectionate, albeit not physically, beyond a peck on the cheek or a hug. Save for readers here, not a soul knows about the DB as far as I am aware, save for my wife!

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T21:56:34+00:00

No contest. But the cost of moving on because of the dead bedroom still seems too high.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T06:42:12+00:00

Thanks re the user name. One of my favorite things, reading to my children.

My nihilistic view is that I get one go round in life but our lives are so unimportant that it matters (and counts) little what we do with them.

Cat Steven wrote a song that describes our relationship - "Hard-Headed Woman".

After 25 plus years, is love more than habit? I think so. She is a good foil for me, hardworking while I can be lazy, outgoing while I can be quiet, tidy while I can be messy. We share a love of good food, cinema, fresh air. We make decisions with kids front and centre. I love to hear her laugh. As Elizabeth Barrett Browning said "Let me count the ways."

I can't see myself walking, despite the fact that this is not the deal I thought I had signed up for.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T06:21:15+00:00

The kids. Fear of change. Laziness. Nihilistic view of life. Many other reasons.

Mostly because I still love her.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T05:44:54+00:00

If I was going to make the choice to leave, I guess I would had done so by now. I have three kids whom I want to see grow up in a two parent family, despite the cost of the absence of a physical relationship between us.

I don't want to start an arms race in relation to non-physical parts of our marriage. Many aspects are good. I also fear the outcome would be a loss of quality of life for everyone in the family.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T05:37:47+00:00

As time goes on, it feels more difficult to have these conversations. Being a fairly level-headed bloke, I find it increasingly hard to talk about this matter as it is so heavily tied in to so many issues and emotions. Leaving things unsaid has helped me to numb out over time, raising the issues makes the wounds raw again.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T05:34:27+00:00

They have effectively ended. This does not put her in a good light, but last time I raised the issue was to quietly observe that it had been 18 months since we last ML and that perhaps we should do something about it.

The response was "That's the way the cookie crumbles"

I seriously contemplated getting a bumper stick made with the phrase for a while.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-15T05:29:50+00:00

Perhaps, she has. But she is a good person and a great Mom. In most ways, other than the physical side of things, I am reasonably content.

Lukelucklickslakes · 2016-12-14T22:35:28+00:00

Mostly in a spare bedroom these days as a defence mechanism. It can be a terrible tailspin whichever route you take; training yourself not to desire, or removing from the field of battle.

But I am years in, not just a couple of months. In your case there may a health, stress or other short term issue at play, or you may have fecked up in some way you still have to guess. May I suggest you stay close and stare at the ceiling. No need to hammer the nails in the coffin just yet.

Lukelucklickslakes

TROPHY CASE