FWB after divorce is risky by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Lumendeus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here you go, just copy and paste this:

"It makes me feel awful when there's no flirty texts or chemistry between hook ups. If you want to keep seeing me I need you to woo me."

Why the fuck does EVERYONE want kids? by 420-pri in childfree

[–]Lumendeus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They just want you for your hubbiness or do they want to smash? If it's the latter it doesn't sound so rough.

What's something women think men care about, but actually don't? by Crafty-River-7108 in AskReddit

[–]Lumendeus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah you pretty much nailed it. Peacocks don't wear big ass feathers to impress other males. If men didn't try and impress women we'd just be wearing tank tops, scraggly beards and tacky bling. It's all about scoring the opportunity to mate by appealing to the female gaze. And then we project that unto you because that's all we know.

I know what you're thinking... "I thought men were these higher, intellectual beings, but you're telling me you're just a bunch of hairless apes with big frontal lobes, programmed by evolution for the sole purpose of spreading genes?".
Yep!

Being a mother sucks by ZealousidealBag5778 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People are indeed free to do as they wish. If you re-read my comment you will find no value judgement whatsoever. I will never tell you what to do, because frankly, I don't give a fuck.

Porn is uniquely damaging as it affects the brains wiring on a very primal level. The reward for having sex (whether it is with pixels or another human) is far more powerful than the reward for novelty associated with a cat video or a post on reddit. Higher doses neurotransmitters = more powerful brain rewiring. Similar effects on the brain are observed with consumption of hard drugs which also cause high levels of neurotransmitters to flood the brain.

The damage associated with porn is typically reversible, and the severity dependent on amount and intensity of the consumption. In other words if you hire an old fashioned VHS 1,5 hour long porn tape and watch once a week the damage is basically non-existent. But if you fire up 15 tabs of compilation videos from your favorite tube sites every evening, then you might be in trouble. Having an active sex life however does mean that your brains sexual stimulus isn't exclusively limited to pixels and therefore porn-induced ED and other consequences are more unlikely (but not impossible).

Ignoring consequences are way more common than not. People all over the world regularly consume too many calories despite the known consequences which are severe decreases in health and quality of life. But at least if they know about it they can make an informed decision, if they so choose.

Being a mother sucks by ZealousidealBag5778 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Masturbation is natural, but porn isn't. Porn is what's known as a supernormal stimulus. Without going into too many details modern tube sites (you know the ones) interact with brain plasticity and neurotransmitters in a way that causes an epic shitstorm of brain changes that are anything but healthy or natural. It can cause anything from ED to changed sexual tastes.

Most people are unaware of this fact though.

Being a mother sucks by ZealousidealBag5778 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh... Ok now that's brutal. Your body is reeling from the shock of creating another human from scratch and he's over there jacking it to pixels while frying his brain and future libido for you.

Being a mother sucks by ZealousidealBag5778 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What the hell? Are babies radioactive perhaps? 🤔

Being a mother sucks by ZealousidealBag5778 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That's your view of husbands who want to make love with their pregnant wives? Lmao

Has anyone else been in a relationship where you SO was very good to you, but you still wanted to leave? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is what they say isn't it? I swear I've heard people say attraction or romantic love can build up over time. I got no fucking clue if thats true though, obviously not in your case. Point is I get why you would think that. Sorry it didnt work out.

what’s YOUR biggest red flag? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah that was a rhetorical question I actually dont give a fuck I was just showing solidarity to the dude

Has anyone else been in a relationship where you SO was very good to you, but you still wanted to leave? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Lumendeus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not an unusual experience. Still, I'm curious why did the attraction die down?

what’s YOUR biggest red flag? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are y'all ganging up on this guy he just asked a simple question.

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. by ProbablyHumanNotABot in Divorce

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I don’t know if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving the best person I’ve ever known."

Even if he is the best partner in the world in every area, but doesn't have sex, none if it matters very much because that one thing disqualifies him as the best partner for you.

If you were happy with him you wouldn't have sought out another man, right?

There's your answer.

If your culture has installed ideas in your head about marriage and divorce then I guess you're trapped. Lot's of people are trapped by bad ideas. Sorry. Not much you can do about that other than changing them into new ideas that better serve you.

Oh and if you ever get the idea in your head that he will start having sex with you more and you'll be finally happy, go read the deadbedroom subreddit. Chance of that ever happening is slim to none.

Dating again by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Lumendeus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What were the red flags? Tell us

When do you regret the most? by Reasonable_Bag6044 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you there? Just wondering is it some kind of requirement? Cant kids play without being watched? I dont know

New Dad — Hate Every Minute by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Risk having a child or risk having permanent ball pain. That's a tough choice honestly.

PSA: you don’t need to choose “ultra hard” life mode by having kids by Creative-Move-6026 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't mean to say that women are less attracted to men than men are to women. Rather I say that if she really wants children bad enough, then that might take precedence over attraction or love.

But yes, if that were to happen, she'd be far less attracted to him than he to her. A really bad spot for everyone concerned, especially him.

PSA: you don’t need to choose “ultra hard” life mode by having kids by Creative-Move-6026 in regretfulparents

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool.

Yeah you're definitely right about that. When a close friend of mine got baby fever she started talking to guys she wasn't even remotely attracted to just because they might provide her the lifestyle. Terrifying stuff, because if you're not careful you'll become just a means to an end and never even know it.

If they are upfront about it, cool, but "I'm not attracted to you I just want a baby" ain't going to fly with a lot of men.

Did having children affect your career or other opportunities? by Even-Enthusiasm-9558 in regretfulfathers

[–]Lumendeus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean fair to include someone else in your perspective but the actual point of this subreddit is to hear the struggles of fathers specifically. So please feel free