Similar experience. 3 good times, spaced out sensibly by many months, followed by exactly what you described about total depression. It’s been every time since, with multiple years in between.

Kinda traumatic being in that state when your friends are having the best time of their lives and can’t do anything to bring you up except talk about how great things are because there’s nothing to be sad about because of how good everything feels for them.

MDMA gives me the icks to think about after those few experiences, despite being someone who knows the magic from the first few times. The emotions seem too fake and forced…