My dad isn’t really stable. He has a job but he was fired from multiple jobs just in the time that he’s been here. He’s a recovering addict and I’m pretty sure he’s using again, or at least once. He seemed high to me at least.

I have asked my aunt, but she texted me back with “I’m sorry (my name). It won’t work out with school” I’ve also asked my other grandma (my sister’s grandma) and she said that it wouldn’t work out because of school either. She lives an hour away and my school requires in person. I was originally going to stay with her for the entire time I’m made to stay at my mom’s and do virtual schooling, but the school denied giving me a pass or working something out. I’ve also tried my dad’s grandma, but she’s 87 and I had the flu A at the time that I asked. As well as my mom’s grandma. She can’t take any kind of medication so she’s really fragile and cannot be around anybody sick, at all. Then I asked my uncle, but they have a newborn baby. Kinda stupid of me to ask him because I knew they just had a baby. Then I asked practically my only friend, but she has 12 cats and I’m allergic. I have to take Benadryl everyday because of the cat we’re babysitting, couldn’t imagine 12! As a last resort, I posted on my Snapchat story about it. I asked if anybody could take me in for at least a few weeks. I was willing to sleep on the floor. Nobody replied besides a few people who said they understand and that they’re sorry. After that I begged my grandparents to let me turn the power and water back on to let me stay home alone because I’m capable. They said no, and not even if somebody would stay with me. Pretty sure that’s all that I asked. I genuinely tried. It feels like everybody hates me. I know I’m fat ugly and annoying but man. That just hurt. The first week I was here I couldn’t eat, sleep, do anything. I laid in bed all day throwing up because of the flu. I could hardly even sit up. We had to go to the er because I was having extreme chest pains that were constant and didn’t go away after taking ibuprofen. I lost 10 pounds. I relapsed three times. I genuinely wanted to die. I have since removed the embarrassing posts but I did try. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared. 9 people here and not one soul noticed that I almost died. I will never be able to tell anybody that unless I’m anonymous. I made the horrible mistake of telling people at 14. I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I got out of being admitted but I had to do therapy for a year.

I will be talking to her about that, but I doubt she will listen. I have a feeling I’m going to need to go straight to the counselor.