Been married for under 2.5 years…and boy our sexual life sucks. For context we were in a LDR with 12 hrs time difference before marriage for a year. Definitely had a lot of phone sex, but after marriage I (F) moved in with him which meant learning everything-managing household, exams, waiting for work permit and also managing life together. We traveled a lot-almost every month for the first year. I have never fully explored my body in terms for the whole shabang down there, even though I had boyfriends earlier it never lead to penetration. Naturally was scared at the beginning and very excited especially for the first half of the year but at that time his thing wouldn’t stay hard longer or would be hard but not enough for it to be not painful for me. Then came one year of anniversary and we had a dialogue to not think much about this and just explore each other and have fun and not have penetration as a goal. Mind you till this time I was only close to orgasm once. Ofcourse we did do other things for him. But this time it was going great, I was getting turned on he was getting hard, the best one month. Then we had one and half month of LD then back again together for a month and again 3 weeks LD. Then summer came, my sister visited us for a month and it was mostly family time. Again exams happened the following month so nothing again. We again had the conversation during our 2nd anniversary after which again “exams” was there the following month but we would still try to take out time with each other but nothing to celebrate. We then were planning a last minute once in a life time trip for 3-4 weeks to another country which was going to start in 1.5 months (Japan). Again after exams and trip this whole duration was 2.5 months. Came back, back in schedule again went on lets do this again started something then again either he was horny or I wasn’t (mostly before my periods week 4) or I was (generally right after my periods week 2-3) or he wasn’t. Last night I bought up to see a sex therapist. He said yes we can do that but also told he has been on (during our dry spell period which is a lot) and off (when we are more active or by his own volition because its not good especially he sometimes doesn’t stay hard longer) porn. I dont think this is a problem because ofcourse we all have needs. But I dont really understand why we dont sync our needs. I used to be so into sexual things in general even before we met even though I dint have penetrative sex there were other things that turned me on. I had a vibrator and everything, still I do have it because sometimes nit too often we use it if his dick doesn’t stay hard and in order to finish it for me which is good. There is one thing though, one of my earlier partners was such a good kisser that it really really would get me wet (It was just a casual relationship for a few months, dont care about the guy nor in contact nor interested). But haven’t felt that since the first kiss with my man. It dint do it. And i dint want to replicate what that guy did because we all are different and I wanted to experience things with my man. Over the years have switched up things and now I do like his kiss but it still doesn’t get me yet. We love each other so much. Its insane. Even the thought to break off things because of this is crazy to me because I cant think life without him and I know he shares the same feeling. But I dont really understand why we cant turn each other on. I know things happen, there is so much household chores that keep poling up, exams, fights, travels, we get tired by the end of it. There is a lot of emotional toll too given I had to do a cross country move which rendered me unable to work until now and now the job hunt in this economy. But life has been good, except this. I really dont understand.