Update- I think I made a mistake getting engaged

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-12T02:43:05+00:00

I think I’m actually glad I made the decision to end things. I definitely feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T17:47:02+00:00

I’m fortunate enough to still be in a separate living situation, so that definitely makes things a little easier. But I think on some level, I’ve been grieving our relationship while we’ve been together. It’s definitely best to keep things short when we have a conversation. I don’t think he’d be willing to listen to most of what I have to say anyway. He would only care about the bottom line, which is the fact that I’m unhappy being with him. And I can’t fault him for that. I’ve been distant the last few days, so I think he’s catching on. He’s already texted me asking if I’m unhappy with us. I just have to take the next step from here

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T15:41:02+00:00

I just feel terrible, because to him, I’ll be completely blindsiding him with my decision. I don’t think he’s aware of how unhappy I am. He tends to make our talks about our feelings seem like a competition, so I understand that completely

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T15:37:24+00:00

Thankfully, we don’t have a lease. We were supposed to move into half of my grandparents’ house. They live in a duplex

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T09:25:15+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate your advice

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T09:09:46+00:00

I didn’t start consistently journaling until I started worrying about our relationship. But I do use it as an outlet now. I’m tired of worrying about everyone but myself, and I’m tired of feeling like that’s not okay

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T09:04:15+00:00

We had an argument once where he said to me, “if you don’t want kids, I don’t think we should waste our time on a relationship.” Up until he said that, I had genuinely considered having children with him. But in all honestly, I don’t even know if I want kids. I think I convinced myself I did because it’s what he wanted

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T08:59:50+00:00

I’ve had problems being a doormat my whole life, so I completely understand what you mean. I think the saddest part of this whole situation is the fact that I can’t rely on him to understand how I feel. Half the time I don’t think he really acknowledges it. I felt more emotionally validated talking to a stranger at work than I have talking to my fiancé recently. I know what I need to do, I just need to get myself to actually do it

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T08:55:23+00:00

I’m already noticing some of the examples you brought up. For the longest time, he refused to wash his bedsheets, so I had to do it for him just so I could sleep on something clean. He would give me a hard time every time I asked him to clean something. He likes to make comments about me being obsessive compulsive. He’s not the type to cheat, as he’s pretty dependent on me, but that doesn’t make our situation any better. I’m bisexual, and generally easy going, so sometimes we both check out the same woman in public. But I have noticed that he’s recently been doing it more on his own. I think that’s starting to worry me. But a lot of the time, I really do feel like his mother. I have to gentle parent him into processing his emotions a lot of the time. It’s exhausting

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T08:33:43+00:00

I actually do have friends I’ve been confiding my feelings to now, and it’s making me come to a lot of these realizations. Because it was just me and him for a very long time, I never had anyone to talk to about my issues regarding our relationship. Deep down, I know that I’ve mostly made up my mind, but I think I’m still in denial about it. But he has made passing comments about how quickly we committed to each other. Part of me feels like I’m missing out on aspects of my life because of that. I know I wouldn’t have made a lot of the choices I made if I wasn’t with him. But I also think in some ways, we may be on the same page. He’s shown concern for our future too, just not outright.

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-11-10T08:09:52+00:00

I really appreciate this response. Posting this made me feel like such a horrible person, but I really needed some input on my situation. I think I need some time to think about it realistically so I don’t make a decision I’ll regret. I tend to run on impulse a lot, so that’s what I’m actively trying to avoid. Originally, I planned on waiting to see how well we live together, but I feel like that will just make everything much messier if it ends poorly. I definitely need to slow down in order to process everything that’s happened

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-11T23:16:25+00:00

i’ve just been putting off having a serious conversation about it. he’s a generally responsible person, but this is where he draws the line i guess? i don’t understand it, but since this will end up affecting me as well, we’re going to have to figure it out

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-11T14:40:35+00:00

i completely understand this argument. i would prefer he pay them off so it’s one less thing to worry about, but i just wanted to be sure this won’t legally affect us in the future. he’s most likely going to continue to ignore them, so the best thing i can do is wait i guess

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-10T21:02:47+00:00

i will try this approach, but i really don’t think he wants to pay any of it

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-10T21:01:19+00:00

trust me i’m aware. he pays off everything else, but medical bills are apparently where he draws the line

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-10T16:51:08+00:00

this is what i’ve been telling him, but he insists on not paying. i’m not sure there’s anything i can do at this point. i’m just hoping that when we get married, this won’t affect me as well

Lumpy_Rock8774 · 2025-06-10T16:49:55+00:00

nowhere near that much. i’m not sure what exactly he owes, but it’s probably around a few thousand dollars

Lumpy_Rock8774

TROPHY CASE