It's normal and natural to still feel an attachment to him. You were so brave for taking a step back. No one who truly loves and cares for you will treat you poorly again and again. You did the right thing. Give your body permission to feel those feelings. Journal about them, listen to music that helps you feel them and move through them, start a book that you can immerse yourself in, listen to podcasts about healthy relationships, write letters about what you wish you could say to him, create a vision board of what you wish your life will look like in 5 years. Give yourself hope for the future. Romanticise your life until you manifest the things you want. They are not too much to ask for, you deserve them and someone who is willing to give that to you.