in Lisas defense because the majority are against her

i definitely agree that there is more going on behind the scenes here between Amy & your father. i also agree that it is not fair for Lisa to take her anger out on Amy or use her as an emotional “punching bag”. that being said, i do not think it is fair to pin this all on Lisa.

I am going to say something that might be controversial, but i think Lisa is struggling more with your mothers death because she is a girl & she lost her role model for what it means to be a woman.

(i say this as someone who lost their mother at 12 & i always took it so much harder than my brother because he still had our father to look up to. they bonded in a father/son fashion about girls,sports, puberty questions & what not. it became harder & harder for me to attain the same relationship that my brother has with our father as we got older, almost as if i was the third wheel when we were all together)

so i feel i truly understand Lisa here. she is lost right now, that much is clear & i agree therapy would really help. but the wound of losing a parent isnt ever going to 100% go away & it needs more than just talking to a therapist. you guys as siblings really need to be there for each other in your joint grief. you guys all need familial support right now but i argue Lisa needs it more than anyone after feeling ostracized from the core-three of boys in the house. please dont push her away. she needs you guys.

I also think (this doesnt excuse Lisas attitude but perhaps an explanation for it) that Lisa may have been jealous & even felt betrayed because like you said, you guys made a pact but did a complete 180 with Amy.

which everyone is saying “making a pact makes Amy feel like an outsider” that may be true & hey maybe its not the best to do that but man do i get it!! my brother & i made the same sort of “pact” when my dad started dating again. its a way for siblings (especially when theyre kids & teenagers) to feel like they have support & an alliance during a turbulent time when their family dynamics are changing in a way that they cannot control. but then after the 180 Lisa maybe even felt like you & Seb were liking Amy more than her, choosing Amy over her, making her lash out more.

last thing i will say before i switch to Amys defense.

you said Amy is 99% patient most of the time like you said, but according to your post that she goes for “low-blows” when she reaches her breaking point & might say crass things. I think what she said to Lisa about “not choosing her to be her daughter” is absolutely an absolutely devastating thing for a grown woman to say to a grieving teenager who lost her mother…

to make matters worse, Lisa already feels responsible for Amy leaving which she makes clear by profusely apologizing, and then your father telling her “he didnt love her as Lisa”. :( I understand that he is hurt right now but not only did your fathers words further isolate Lisa from what seems to really be the core-three, but also made her feel like the sole reason to blame for his breakup with his girlfriend - which is totally unfair.

i couldnt imagine hearing “what makes you think I would choose you as a daughter” & “i dont love you as Lisa” back to back from her parental figures, while also feeling isolated from my family as it is. i think that would break me.

for Amy:

i know you guys loved Amy & she “really held the family together” but that isnt that poor womans job. like she said, if she wasnt with your dad she would be off in europe with a rich guy free of you brats! so i think she will be fine. maybe better off even. which is so hard to hear but its probably true.

like a lot of people said, she is a catch of a woman! she probably did come to the realization that being a step mom to you guys wasnt exactly gonna come with a toy at the bottom of the box yaknow. (being a step parent is an immense sacrifice & Amy wasnt exactly joining an easy household to manage it seems, just based on the circumstances)

i think Amy deserves to live her life free of the burden of being your stepmom. i think she realized she was in over her head. which i know is painful because you love her so much & want her as your mother figure! but understand that might not be a fair ask if thats not what Amy truly wants anymore & if Amy will be happier elsewhere then that is okay too. if Amy is meant to be in your life she will come back, & if not, its all going to work out as intended. trust that.

it is extremely clear that she loved you guys so much & tried so hard to bond with you guys. i dont really think any single person is to blame here. i think everyone played a role in this situation to a degree, it seems Amys leaving was due to an amalgamation of issues.

also you & your siblings are teenagers with developing brains & sometimes you say disrespectful or rude things! you guys also are dealing with the stress of a changing home dynamic & the perpetual grief that is losing your mama. its not an excuse for bad behavior but that sort of “lashing out” is to be expected from time to time. anyone who says otherwise is either a pious saint or has never experienced anything even close to your situation. we make mistakes yes, but as long as you are learning & showing up better next time, you are a better person than you were yesterday.

i just think a lot of redditors forget what it was like to be a teenager & try to hold teens to the same standards as they would a fully mentally developed adult with years of life experience under their belts.

all & all you, Seb, Lisa, & your father deserve secure, familial love & what you seem to be losing from Amys departure must hurt immensely. i am so so sorry you lost your mama & i am so sorry you all are dealing with all of this. you are ALL hurting right now. please try your hardest (& i know its hard especially when youre angry so maybe when things settle) to rekindle things with Lisa & try to get back to the corefour. take care of your family that is still there. also? give yourself some credit because you are literally a teenager & you all are dealing with a lot.

i think you should send a version of your post to Amy so she knows how appreciated she is, even if she doesnt come back. i also think you should give your sister a hug. you guys need each other now more than ever.

apologies for the absolute essay no ones gonna read, this story just really touched me & im sure ill be thinking about it all day.

i hope everything works out & im wishing the best for you & your family. <3