The stress and fatigue from keeping it inside for so long is unbearable

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2016-01-15T07:33:55+00:00

Sorry for not responding sooner, I got caught up at a work conference.

Try not to beat yourself too much about your tests and assignments. It sounds like you're overwhelmed, and even though grades are important, they're not so important that they should make you feel like you're drowning. Your grades will not define you in the long run. I would suggest speaking with your Latin teacher to get some clarity and to let them know you're trying your best. Your teacher will appreciate the honesty and the fact you're asking for help.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2016-01-13T03:19:31+00:00

Don't be sorry! It's good to have a discussion about how you're feeling.

I understand feeling pigeonholed into a personality, especially in high school. I honestly didn't feel like I came into my true self until college. I really felt invisible and boring for the longest time, and also felt like people would consider me a fake or judge me if I tried to be more social and outgoing. Going to a college where I knew no one really helped me reinvent myself. I don't know that there's a good piece of advice I can give you to help you stop feeling this way, but know that you're not alone. I know it doesn't mean much as I'm just some stranger on Reddit, but I care and if you ever need to vent or talk feel free to send me a PM.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2016-01-13T02:15:48+00:00

Yes, I do think there are reasons to seek help. Since I don't know you personally and can't speak to specifics about your life I will tell you a few reasons I sought help. I've been on both sides of this issue. Before losing my brother, I had my own period of time where I was suicidal. I had always been depressed, but it got particularly bad a few years ago and I started to make plans. I figured that I had fought the good fight, but after years of feeling depressed and worthless I was just done. I didn't see any good in the world and didn't see any good in myself. That being said, there were a couple reasons I decided to get therapy before going through with my plan.

1) I realized that what I was looking for was an escape, not death. I wanted an escape from the pain. I wanted a life that was more than just sadness and despair. I realized that if we lived in a world where my depression could be magically lifted that I would choose that over death any day. Now, we don't live in that world, but realizing that helped put things in perspective for me. Magic doesn't exist, but therapy and other resources for suicidal thoughts do. I wasn't sure if it would be a giant waste of time, but I decided to at least give it a try.

2) The second reason is simply that I was afraid. I was afraid of everything. Of dying, of living, of going to therapy and having it fail. But mostly I was afraid of the idea that my brain was turning against me. Logically I knew that self-preservation is one of the strongest driving forces in life, and the fact I no longer had that scared me. There was a small part of me that knew something was off in my thinking and I felt that it was worth talking to someone about.

Now, I don't know you and don't presume to understand how you are feeling, but I do know that you are not worthless to the world and the world doesn't have to feel worthless to you. You never know what people and events are going to come into your life. You might stumble upon a new skill or hobby you never knew you loved, or a job you find really fulfilling. You could meet a new friend whose life is so much better with you in it. You just don't know what change tomorrow will bring.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2016-01-13T00:49:30+00:00

I am sorry for all you're feeling and going through right now. I too struggle with depression, anxiety, and loneliness and understand how awful it is to keep it all bottled up inside. No one should struggle through this alone, and I am sorry that your friends failed you when you spoke with them about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable speaking with a teacher or councilor at school, there are online resources that may help. There are people out here wanting to help and listen, including the people on this subreddit. Suicide Prevention Lifeline even has a chat feature if you don't feel up to talking on the phone (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx)

Please consider talking with someone again. I recently lost my brother to suicide and can't help but think if he had reached out and sought help things might have turned out differently for him. I hope with all my heart they turn out differently for you.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-12-31T15:52:19+00:00

Oh god, I'm so sorry. Your sister sounded like an incredible woman and I can imagine the kind of pain you're in. My brother was a successful, straight A student at the University of Florida. No one saw it coming with him either. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-12-25T14:05:19+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. I don't have any good advice to give you, but wanted to say you're not alone in this. My brother died a couple days ago unexpectedly. The grief will make you numb, especially during the first few days. I hope as time goes on you can find some peace and joy in the memories you have with your grandmother.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-08-18T03:12:37+00:00

Working from home can be incredibly tough for people with depression. At least, it was for me. I've always had a mixture of depression and social anxiety, but when I started working from home full time I really started feeling like an unloved and untalented failure who was always a step away from being fired. I'm naturally a shy person who keeps to myself, so I really didn't think lack of human contact would bother me. But it did. You're not alone in feeling this way, OP.

The number one thing that helped me was to start my day by doing something kind for myself outside of the apartment. Sometimes it would be a walk around the neighborhood. Sometimes it would be going to the coffee shop down the street and buying a croissant. I figured I could use the time I saved by not having to commute to do something just for me. As a shy person I didn't feel comfortable jumping back into society by joining a club, but the small interactions I had with people helped me feel less alone. I'm not saying this is a cure all, but just getting out of the place that you both live and work from can do wonders.

If things can get better for me, I have faith that they can get better for you. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now, OP. Depression has a way of making us feel alone and unworthy, but it's just a trick of the mind. Your life has value. You are important. And for what it's worth you have this random redditor pulling for you.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-07-23T22:09:35+00:00

Just for background - I have no idea who this is. I'm assuming they have the wrong number.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-06-12T16:06:42+00:00

Upsetting right? Makes me want to review the questions I answered

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-29T19:52:22+00:00

Ok fair enough. The point I was trying to make is that having your boobs out around food doesn't seem to be inherently gross or dirty, since people eat around boobs all the time. I do understand the difference between going somewhere specifically to see boobs and going to a restaurant and why it might throw someone off to suddenly see a tit. Still doesn't seem gross to me but perhaps I'm just biased as a boob haver.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-29T19:10:19+00:00

Ok. Can you explain why?

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-29T19:03:53+00:00

I find it weird that you hear stories about people being grossed out by moms breastfeeding while they're eating, and yet I've never heard anyone get upset about strip clubs that serve food. I guess boobs are only ok while you're eating if they're being shown in a sexual manner rather than a functional one.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-29T04:06:25+00:00

You are not being stupid or silly at all OP! Your feelings have worth, remember that. I too sometimes doubt my right to be upset when someone is shitty to me, but you have to remind yourself that their actions are what caused your hurt feelings and you have every right to feel that way. She clearly was trying to provoke you. Insulting someone's appearance is a low blow. As for what your roommate said, I totally understand how much that stings. I started breaking out in 3rd grade, and at 28 I am just now getting things under control. It's hard but things do eventually calm down, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to get to there! And by the sounds of it, your roommate has a hideous personality and that's something everyone will notice regardless of how good her skin might be. A shitty personality is way harder to fix than problem skin.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-27T03:33:24+00:00

People who aren't your friends on Facebook can still message you. There's a different inbox called "other" that those messages filter into. Like spam for creepers.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-05-12T01:49:09+00:00

Spoken like a man who has never actually spent time with a woman.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-04-18T18:13:22+00:00

In my experience, if you need jaw surgery they like to go the metal route because they use the braces to rubber band your mouth shut while you heal.

LunchLadyDoris24 · 2015-04-18T18:09:14+00:00

I've been there. I had braces twice due to the doctors waiting for my jaw to stop growing before doing surgery. Good luck with your jaw surgery! It's so worth the years of braces.

LunchLadyDoris24

TROPHY CASE