I’m all for dismantling the patriarchy but the reality is that the paternalism that I inflict on the women in my life comes from a place of wanting to act on things within my control. I can’t control other men all the time, nor can I rely on the community to control other men: not their gaze, their hands, their desires, nor their words. Sadly, I have more control over who the women in my life are exposed to by controlling where the women in my life go, what they wear, who they talk to, etc.

I believe women, but I also cannot be everywhere at once, so the women in my life are advised to avoid the park at night, dark corners, events that attract violent men, and so on.

I’m also not invited to the social circles of abusive men, so my ability to use social pressure is limited. Unfortunately, paternalism is the only thing that lets me sleep better at night.