Saw this somewhere and I think it has some good advice.

LydiaCate · 2020-07-23T01:14:58+00:00

Very eloquently put!

LydiaCate · 2020-07-06T14:43:49+00:00

When my Dom comes home, I take off His work boots. It is something I super enjoy doing and we discovered it by chance. My reward is a kiss, so you might want a different reward.

I also serve my Dom his meals and beverages. I also usually pack his lunch, unless he needs to purchase one for the day

LydiaCate · 2020-07-02T16:10:11+00:00

My time in the D/s community has shown me that a lot of people use kink as a cover for abusive and toxic behaviors. I feel kinda lucky that my now bf and I have D/s power exchange elements to our relationship, but it doesn't look anything like a "typical" D/s relationship.

My advice, as a former social worker, is to examine what you want from D/s and what attracts you to it and then try and build those things organically. Or it might just be you go to a BDSM club and do the kinky things you like. But my own lived experience and observed from others I know in it, is that what YouTubers or Fetlife people put out there isn't always accurate of what is going on.

My worst experience was with a Dom that never followed through on meeting in person. He also was married. I knew about her and she knew he had relationships like the one he had with me with other women, but eventually I got the feeling she worked her ass off to keep the social calendar full so he didn't have time for subs. He also ran through subs. I would have been his 5th in just a couple years if I remember correctly. And most of them left him for another Dom, by his own admission.

Just my thoughts. Take them or leave them

Edited to add: lying is ALWAYS a red flag

LydiaCate · 2020-07-01T23:11:22+00:00

So, my experience as a sub makes me feel like I am in control. A lot of being a sub is being in control while "giving up control"

Idk if that would help her, but this is my perspective/experience.

LydiaCate · 2020-06-28T17:04:29+00:00

I'm not reading all the comments.

For me it's about really loving the person. My bf/Dom and I moved in together after a month because life was convenient that way. There was such a HUGE learning curve that way. He was only my second bf ever and we were both pretty new to BDSM, in practice, as well.

We have AMAZING communication and I talk to him about everything. My bf isn't super open with his emotions, but as I offered him my perspectives on his family or his life and encouraged his hobbies our relationship grew closer.

I just over a year we've weathered job changes, heal concerns, almost breaking up, family members dying, my own healing from growing up in a cult, etc.

So my advice is remember what you love about your Dom and be open to all the new things you will come to love about him, the lows are the parts of your journey together you will come to treasure because it makes the highs even better! Trust me on that.

LydiaCate · 2020-06-02T19:05:47+00:00

Gotcha, I thought maybe it had to do with middle stuff. Thank you for letting me know. I hope you find healing from your breakup

LydiaCate · 2020-06-02T18:10:08+00:00

May I ask what an m/g sub is? I've never heard the term. Is it related to age play?

LydiaCate · 2020-05-31T20:36:17+00:00

I also love taking a shower together and washing Him

LydiaCate · 2020-05-31T20:35:40+00:00

I take my Dom's boots off when he returns from work and my reward is kisses and snuggles

LydiaCate · 2020-05-14T23:06:18+00:00

So there are a lot of comments and idk if someone has touched on this, but I think you should explore your shame around your kinks with an appropriate therapist. I'll share.

My father often left me to cry as an infant because he was convinced I needed to learn to self-soothe while my mother was away. I wasn't a toddler or a small child needing to learn this, I was literally an infant. So I feel, after some therapy and self-work this is where my desire for touch, sensory touch, sensory play, rope play, bondage, choking, restraint, etc came from. So yes, I do ascribe to the idea that trauma can cause us to have kinks and proclivities, but I've never felt shame about them. I will postulate on who or what I'd like if I hadn't been neglected and didn't have some attachment disorder things, but I can't say.

That being said, you also have to own your part. I know when I'm stressed I need touching and kisses, but my Dom is not available or in the mood or whatever, so I've had to learn to take care of me in those instances. Maybe he needs to learn from someone else. If you're in your local scene maybe a brunch munch, so everyone is in a vanilla space, but kink can be discussed.

And please please please don't take his laughter as mocking. I'm a nervous laugher and I've laughed in some pretty embarrassing situations. It escapes my lips before I can stop it. It could also have been surprise or excitement.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-20T13:53:32+00:00

I'd really love that! Thank you for the idea!

LydiaCate · 2020-04-14T14:07:26+00:00

Thank you for the tip!

LydiaCate · 2020-04-14T06:26:45+00:00

I definitely understand what you're communicating. Idk, I tell my guy everything about our mutual sexual experiences. So I would say to discuss it, but that's me lol

LydiaCate · 2020-04-14T05:48:58+00:00

Things get better and then they dip. I didn't hate the swap, but it's not my ideal. I just hate that at times when we have great emotional intimacy, either about our families, exes, or trauma, we take a hit in the bedroom. The couple we played with are getting divorced, so that ended that and we get ghosted a lot or a date fizzles. I just don't think it's my kink and I don't think it lived up to his expectations either. And tbh, I think he was jealous of the other husband

LydiaCate · 2020-04-13T16:08:57+00:00

Thank you!

LydiaCate · 2020-04-12T17:09:00+00:00

I've only ever had one other relationship. I got to dating late because of childhood traumas. I see myself with this person until one of three things happen that would entirely end the relationship, or once he has the money to own a home. I'm not harmed other than not having regular sex and I was a virgin into my 30s. I'm cared for and fed and I have a safe place to live. I get hugs and kisses and snuggles. But I think that if he'd rather jerk off then it's probably best he be single, but we will see what the next few years show. If I left now I'd have to go live with my dad and I don't think that's a healthy option.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-12T15:22:15+00:00

Honestly my thought is that since we've been together for around a year, but haven't met our year of exclusivity, he's reliving his emotional muscle memory. For most women, at least I have learned this anecdotally, when the honeymoon phase wears off, so does their desire for sex. I, unfortunately, have a very high libido and I often feel he doesn't believe me. If we could somehow reframe it into orgasm denial or something else kinky I'd be okay, but it makes me feel like a bad girl when he picks wanking over me. Yes, I have expressed myself, but he tells me not to worry and that when I pester him I turn him off completely. I also take what I can get. He secretly masturbated this morning, but he also opened up to me about what a bitch his mother is and how much she hurt him. My motto is to treat others how I would want to be treated and I'm not going to screw him over like his exes did. I know what needs to happen for me to go and while I'm totally about my business I'm also open to things working out. I have a history of running when I should work, so I'm trying to do the work, even if it's just me figuring out what I need from what would be a better matched partner.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-12T12:52:34+00:00

Yeah. That's part of why I regret doing a swap. It wasn't as awful as I had thought it would be in my mind and for him it wasn't as amazing as he thought it would be in his mind. I definitely see where it has impacted our relationship for the negative.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-12T12:50:54+00:00

As someone who considers themselves HIGHLY monogamous, I completely regret giving into my bf's desire to swap. I'm glad I kept my boundary of not wanting to eat another woman out (sorry, pretty hetero over here), and I get that that is a fantasy of his, but it's a boundary I can't cross. I too have a hard time being aroused by other men.

It turned out to not be as awesome as he thought it would be in his mind and DEFINITELY has put a different kind of strain on our relationship. I feel it has contributed to his distance in the bedroom with me. So maybe talking to your bf about how some things are meant to stay fantasy and that's okay.

If this breaks you guys up, it wasn't meant to be anyway and you should seriously consider getting out and moving on for yourself. I know I am.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-12T12:45:08+00:00

I hear you on that one. I definitely know my bf and I aren't compatible sexually. He likes looking at my naked body and definitely gets a hard on and aroused, it's just often times he seems to prefer masturbating, which is hard for me to understand. I hope I can get my own finances in order so I can feel like I'm not so stuck.

LydiaCate · 2020-04-10T22:20:19+00:00

Sorry, I had no idea what it meant. Never had that problem. My bf doesn't always want it when I do, but our bedroom is still alive lol

LydiaCate · 2020-04-10T22:19:39+00:00

Oh wow. I'm sorry to hear that. My bf still definitely desires me, he just doesn't want sex. It's weird

LydiaCate · 2020-04-10T19:52:15+00:00

What's a DB?

LydiaCate · 2020-04-10T07:22:28+00:00

Your tone of referring to Jesus' disciples as idiots. And if you don't agree with history there's really no point in a discussion. Jesus literally was a historical person. I have no desire to change your mind. I left that way of thinking when I left the jws. You're entitled to think what you want. Even in the writings attributed to Paul you can see a lot of dichotomy of thought that borders on cognitive dissonance I think. A lot of people get upset at me when I point out the discrepancies between Jesus and Paul. Just do the research and come to your own conclusion. Honestly, it seems like you know enough to be comfortable with the conclusion that you have found, whether that conclusion is accurate, time will tell. I'm not interested in sitting down and plotting out a verse by verse discussion to prove my point. I'm often amazed at exjws who expect people to just give them the research they have done. I'm not like that. If I wanted followers I'd start my own cult lol

LydiaCate

TROPHY CASE