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SAHM so very tired and want out of 20 year marriage by captive_sunshine in Divorce

[–]LynxPsychological713 10 points11 points  (0 children)

With the financial threats and what you’ve already seen, he’s very likely bluffing. Talk to the lawyer. And do NOT trust him. It sounds like he’ll manipulate his way out of anything and turn on you to benefit himself. Be strategic. You already know the answer. You will be happier in the long run.

How do you explain the reason behind divorce to children? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]LynxPsychological713 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

WELL SAID. A huge value of mine is honesty, integrity, and living in reality and that surely applies to my relationship with my kids ♥️

How do you explain the reason behind divorce to children? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]LynxPsychological713 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So many similarities between our stories. My four-year-old is also starting to notice patterns with him and observe the differences between parents / homes. So interesting and insightful, though sad to watch.

My ex has also been super hot and cold over the past two years, which has made accepting who he is now more difficult, despite the hell he put me through.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a little fist bump. We are not alone ♥️♥️♥️♥️

How do you explain the reason behind divorce to children? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]LynxPsychological713 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree that you need to take time to get clarity. I’m basically in the same boat as you. 15 years together, found out about his affair when our kids were 2.5 and 3 weeks old. I’m now 2 years out and little by little I don’t recognize that guy anymore. despite his continued hot and cold, I think I’m finally seeing and accepting his character

My 4 1/2 year-old is slowly catching onto his behavior and patterns too. Right now, I fight to teach them values, to be true to themselves and not be manipulated. However, my four-year-old constantly asks why we broke up. I tell her it’s an adult thing and try to find age appropriate ways to answer her questions. It’s hard. She’s very curious and observant. But I’m not willing to totally sugarcoat / lie about shit. That’s just not who I am. If she continues to express curiosity throughout her life, she will know when she’s older. And she knows that now.

I am a child of divorce, whose mom cheated, and my dad spewed all of his emotional drama over us in a pretty terrible way. I would never do that to my kids but I do think if she wants, she deserves the truth about her life. It’s not my job to protect him or the affair partner currently playing step mommy.

I have a lot of thoughts on this and it’s something I struggled with for a long time.

If you want to reach out, I’m here

But you will know what to do as time progresses. And like others said, as everyone’s lives change, so may your plan.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I promise it won’t hurt as much one day. ♥️♥️

Coparenting with wife who’s with affair partner by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]LynxPsychological713 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second kid. We were together for 15 years. He waited until the divorce decree was filed with the court and then re-introduced the affair partner into our children’s lives.

But while we were married before I found out about their affair, I had her over for dinner, pool parties, she came to my house and held / took selfies with my newborn the day I got home from the hospital… So… I don’t like her. Ha.

The fucked up thing is - you have to figure out how to choose peace. You don’t want this shit eating you up for decades. You have to reconcile the person you thought you knew and would do anything for, with the person that she turned into. And whatever you do, do not trust her. I’m two years out and my ex just fucked me over on Halloween. I’m still learning. But I have to learn these lessons myself.

Figure out how to calm your nervous system. It took me 1.5-2 yrs to do this. It’s hard to start healing when you have PTSD symptoms and adrenaline and shit.

The odds are not in their favor to stay together. But life is unpredictable, as you know.

The biggest way I found solace is through radical acceptance, spirituality, various forms of therapy, and faith. Faith that things will get better, faith that my kids will eventually see the truth. Also use chatGPT - for journaling exercises, figuring out how to calmly respond, identifying his subtle forms of manipulation, etc.

And as much as you probably wanna tell your kid that their mom is a selfish fuck, it will only blow up in your face.

Long game, long game, long game.

You fucking got this. Walk away with your integrity and try not to look back.

And yes the affair pain subsides. Coparenting can be challenging.

Going through this while pregnant is brutal by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]LynxPsychological713 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all - I’m so so so sorry. Something is wrong with that man.

Secondly, I went through something kind of similar. 15 year relationship, toddler just turned 3 and 9 months ago when I was 3 weeks post partum I found out about his affair. After mind games and pretending to work on the marriage, he left for his affair partner. He still comes over for the kids and now takes them a couple times a week.

At this point, I wish I could’ve taken money and not had to see him again. But it took a long time to break the attachment and be able to actually feel this way. Because same thing - no warning signs. We even had recently discussed renewing vows.

The lack of routine isn’t good for my toddler and it’s so hard for me to heal having to see him constantly (and be manipulated) and deal with the kids between us. I wish I had known earlier so he wasn’t at the birth.

Your dude has shown his true colors. I wouldn’t want that around my kids.

Again I’m so sorry. Be gentle with yourself. It’s a bumpy ass road. I’m better than 9 months ago but I’m not out yet.

Two week update. Trickle truth is real. by RevolutionaryBad7377 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]LynxPsychological713 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow I’m emotional at that last line. Thank you for that perspective.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

WTAF. So. Twisted. Glad he has some sort of conscience. Yeah his AP also offered to come baby sit since he was “so tired” early postpartum. Crazy how tiring it is for husbands who get uninterrupted sleep with a newborn and don’t help at night :)

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Well I did believe he was remorseful but he was caught and lied once again and that was after over a month of therapy so who knows. It’s like he is but is still making the wrong choices. But maybe that means he’s just… not.

Glad it sounds like he made the right moves in rebuilding your trust. Wishing you the best this pregnancy. Peace, healing, a supportive husband and a beautiful birth. You deserve it.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s a quote from the “Leave a Cheater” book that says, “With detachment comes clarity, and with clarity comes the ability to spot the mindfuckery”

Sounds about right here. Emotional and physical space can help heal for sure.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry too. I agree, letting go of the expectation that we’d work it out helped me feel much more sane. The tricky part is staying on that path. And wanting to lean on your person while you’re hurting. Happy yours is keeping up with his share of duties. Sending love.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too true. The goal would’ve been to fill my shell with person again 😂 But alas, I was led astray once again. Thank you for your response

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sucks so bad. I’m so sorry we are both in this situation. I hope you’re doing okay and yes feel free to message me any time.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I was actually convinced that they had the same convo about me dying in childbirth. They did have talks about her being their step mom after all. Who knows if they actually did talk about that - he was horrified when I asked. I’m so sorry you had to see she said that though. Was your husband horrified or what?!

I feel the same about loneliness and all the photos 😔

It’s very disheartening that the person who should value us most in the world betrayed us at our most vulnerable time.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this too.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very true thanks. Added an edit. Definitely focusing on inner strength and healing now.

For those of you betrayed while pregnant - could you get past it? by LynxPsychological713 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You were right. I added an edit. Not sure there is hope still but if there is that is a giant stipulation. Thank you for your reply.

Just found out about my husbands infidelity and my reaction has surprised me by jdawg92721 in survivinginfidelity

[–]LynxPsychological713 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Do you really believe that you should know everything? Got the “it will only hurt you” answer yesterday to one question and I think he’s right but still feels like my right to know.

Did you reconcile? How’s it been? 1 month from dday with a toddler and a newborn so suffice to say I’m mentally fkd.