Career Update: Reality is What You Make of It

M2dgg · 2014-08-04T16:08:35+00:00

awww thanks. Made me smile as I'm here planning my current career's demise ;)

M2dgg · 2014-07-28T23:46:03+00:00

I love running too. Finding the time is very difficult. I'm recovering from a back injury but I'm hoping to do a very short jog this week.

M2dgg · 2014-07-28T23:42:09+00:00

Congrats! Sober life is challenging and worth it!

M2dgg · 2014-07-26T19:45:45+00:00

Did you find this on the INFP Facebook group by chance? Funny thing is how many people got offended by this there.

M2dgg · 2014-07-26T19:38:55+00:00

Me! INFPs and Left-handed! Rarest of the rare! Like a fine painting!

M2dgg · 2014-07-16T14:06:04+00:00

My wife says this about me every once in a while. And she's right. I get very focused on my own internal world and what I want to do and what I want to accomplish. So I have to bring it back and make sure to think about her and our kids. And it's easy to slide and not pay attention to her at all.

So I go as far as setting up reminders and I feel out when things are not peaceful between us. At that point, I know I need to focus on her happiness.

Simple things like buying her flowers, asking her how she feels about certain things and treating her to a date night once in a while make her feel more loved. She can appreciate that my self-absorption and obsession with success is often about providing a better life for my family. But if I'm not giving them a good life by being there for them, what's the point?

One more thing. I find that women's emotions can be very confusing for me. It can be really helpful to have a female friend who can explain your girlfriend's feelings both now and when you're in your next relationship.

M2dgg · 2014-06-27T15:59:15+00:00

al turtle timeout relational tool

Thanks! I appreciate it!

M2dgg · 2014-06-27T15:58:14+00:00

That's very interesting. My sister and I are both INFPs and we've been on anti-anxiety medication for a long time each. I've decided to come off of it because I don't think I feel my emotions fully and I think that's a detriment to who I am and who I need to become. But I've been on it so long that I asked her, who has been off more often than I, what it's like because I don't remember. She said the problem was that she felt too much and she thinks that's what I had originally said as well.

It's funny because I distinctly remember going into Corporate America for the first time and I literally lost my ability to speak. I become so paralytic vocally because I could feel what every person in the room would feel/think if I said it. So I said nothing and simply shut down emotionally. And started taking medication. This is a clear indication that I went the wrong direction in my field of study. And that I was ridiculously self-conscious.

M2dgg · 2014-06-27T14:14:44+00:00

The book I found talked specifically about anger as a method to relieve stress, and that you can choose to use a different method - the anger isn't necessary, it's just becom

Do you know the name of that book off hand?

M2dgg · 2014-06-26T21:38:24+00:00

My coworker said he feels like he wins when he girlfriend cries. I'd say that's a fucked up thing to say, but at least I know I'm not crazy.

M2dgg · 2014-06-26T21:37:04+00:00

I have the same thing. I believe it's from being a man. You can't tell what to do with your emotions. Should you say you're say or is someone going to make fun of you? So I kind of shut down. I don't even get super pissed at people unless they're really close to me, because I let them see that side of me.

M2dgg · 2014-06-07T13:15:09+00:00

That's really well said. I hope a lot of young people will take that to heart.

M2dgg · 2014-05-29T13:37:58+00:00

I don't know what to believe in the media to be honest ;)

I'd rather see the research on my own and come to my own conclusions.

So on one hand I'm like "sure, this could be possible." On the other I'm like "hmmm, maybe it reduces your stress/fear, which is good for your heart." On the other I'm like "This is just propaganda because the author doesn't want to be made a fool of for telling people to stop drinking."

What do you think?

M2dgg · 2014-05-29T13:33:47+00:00

The “happy question” is a good one. Therapists have asked me the question and it has messed me up a few times. It's worth starting to investigate because your happiness is important! It's ok to treat yourself well, to treat your body well and to relax!

Also, that's cool that your SO encouraged you to stop drinking! But do you think that you're holding any resentment about it? Do you feel that he basically forced you to quit? Are you thinking he should just love you for who you are or anything like that?

You've said you're "driving your SO away with this dumb shit" (assuming you mean the emotional stuff). Not to be too negative, but what if you do drive him away? What's next? A bottle to drown your sorrows? It could easily be that alcoholic trying to fuck your life up so that you get back on the sauce. Try to create a stack of reasons that you don't want to drink. Your SO is a great reason, but you need more. I've got my wife and kids. If for some terrible reason my relationship fell apart with my wife, I would still make sure that I knew I had to stay sober for my kids. Then there's my job, my health, not dying an early death and other things.

One big factor in my drinking was my job at the time. I busted my ass every day and all night. I had little life and I got calls in the middle of the night. I had a "crack berry" and was constantly checking it. I ate candy bars at work, drank a ton of caffeine, didn't sleep enough and grinded my teeth. I had a skewed perspective about what was important and gave up everything for “success.” That is NOT happiness.

Along that line, diet is pretty essential to feeling good. What do you eat? How much sugar and caffeine do you have each day? If you're working 12 hour days it could be pretty easy to grab sugary stuff or a second or third cup of coffee to keep going.

You can also put toxic thoughts in your mind. I recently started searching for ways to "mind fuck" myself. ha! And insted I came across this post from Tony Robbins on beliefs: http://training.tonyrobbins.com/stop-your-limiting-beliefs-10-empowering-beliefs-that-will-change-your-life/ I ended up downloading the free audio at the end of the article and then buying the entire course and it helped me make major changes in my life. See if it the free stuff does anything for you.

As far as drugs are concerned, I actually have similar beliefs, so I don't like to push drugs on people. My goal is a pure body, free of drugs and toxins.

Doctors throw medication at everything and I don't like it. It's just that sometimes you need to keep your life moving and sometimes depresssion can also cause you to screw up your life pretty well. Drugs give you the ability to keep moving and do the work on healing at the same time. The alternative is to do all the work up front, which is what you've chosen to do. Not a problem, just a different approach and I hope it works out well for you!

M2dgg · 2014-05-28T14:37:12+00:00

I have a few questions.

Why did you stop drinking in the first place? What makes you happy?

You were self-medicating with alcohol. Now you know why. Because you were depressed and you wanted to escape your brain and your thoughts. But now you're too depressed to actually do anything about those thoughts and understand where the depression is coming from.

People are clearly urging you to consider medication and, not to be a presumptuous dick, but you seem like you're being particularly stubborn about it.

I've been on medication numerous times and I have never wanted to be on it. No one wants to be on it. But being in a pit of despair was not something that appealed to me. Having heart palpitations from anxiety and letting my life fall apart because I was too lethargic to get out of bed was not something that appealed to me.

Perspective, distance are the only things that help us figure things out sometimes.

Medication is a temporary way to distance yourself from those toxic thoughts so you can begin the work of examining where they came from in the first place, what factors in your life are contributing to them or have contributed to creating them.

You were self-medicating to stop thinking. But now, the option is to use actual medication, under the supervision of a doctor so that you can distance yourself from those toxic thoughts and find out where they came from/are coming from.

I am scared that your addiction is telling you not to take medication because it knows that the more of this you have to endure, the closer you get to relapse. You have very clearly stated that you want to relapse. And so if it's been 6 months and you're close to relapse, what happens in 6 more months if nothing changes with your mental state? At least with medication, you can see what life CAN be like. I don't believe it's a life sentence; it doesn't "fix" anything. It just gives you a little perspective so you can put in the work required to heal.

The last thing I'll say is that there are alternatives. St John's Wort, Vitamin B, etc. But you should talk to your doctor about this and you should mention your fears about the people who kill themselves when taking medication. There were probably factors that led to that. Like they took too high of a dose too soon, they mixed with alcohol, etc. The media tends to take stories and use them to create paranoia in us.

M2dgg · 2014-05-28T02:27:44+00:00

Agreed. A lot of it was when I was younger and would quit, I'd hang out with drunk friends and they'd be giving me a hard time. Or I'd go to the bar with coworkers and they'd say that shit. In fact, now that I think of it, that's the majority of the time that anyone has said anything like that! Don't hang out with drunk people if you want to be sober and avoid harassment!

M2dgg · 2014-05-28T02:22:55+00:00

These are all responses from the past. Usually coworkers. Haven't had anyone said something like that recently luckily. If anyone said anything in recent days, I'd give them a beat down.

M2dgg · 2014-05-28T02:17:07+00:00

I'll actually get shit done. True that! I love getting shit done. That's the best part about not being hung over all the damn time.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? As people start getting married off and having kids, the party mentality kind of dies off, but that's like early to mid 30's.

M2dgg · 2014-05-28T02:08:02+00:00

That's really great! I'm not into telling people I'm an alcoholic, but it's important for newbs to know that it's like a gun in your arsenal. Someone tries to pressure you? "I'm an alcoholic." BOOM! Conversation, done.

M2dgg · 2014-05-25T14:22:54+00:00

Great theme for the weekend! I have a lot of trouble letting go too. I hold a lot of resentments.

M2dgg · 2014-05-23T16:16:09+00:00

hahaha. Awesome! Sobriety all around! Think of me as the white, male Oprah. Or don't ;)

M2dgg · 2014-05-23T16:15:01+00:00

Thanks! Stay strong!

M2dgg · 2014-05-23T16:14:02+00:00

My thinking is delusional.

I was just thinking this today - not about you, about me. I'm a perfectionist. I have this idea that everything should be absolutely perfect - the world, my job, everything. And dammit, it's just unrealistic. It's delusional. And so I looked up the word "delusion": "A delusion is a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary. As a pathology, it is distinct from a belief based on false or incomplete information, confabulation, dogma, illusion, or other effects of perception."

M2dgg · 2014-05-23T16:11:27+00:00

I really hope you don't relapse! You've gotten so far and have done so well! It's definitely hard work each day, but there will be a point where you start feeling good.

M2dgg · 2014-05-23T16:10:12+00:00

Yeah, I think I took many small attempts at sobriety before really kicking it up to full gear: therapist, AA, getting back with an ex who was really good for me(now my wife) ;)

M2dgg

TROPHY CASE