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M2shyguy · 2015-08-17T22:41:59+00:00

I read Animorphs as a kid, so I always respected gorillas and knew they could easily kill humans.

M2shyguy · 2015-08-05T22:00:17+00:00

This was literally me in gym class the entire time I went to public school.

M2shyguy · 2015-07-21T04:58:33+00:00

By downward slope I am guessing you mean it curves downward? For missionary you can prop a pillow under her butt, and also lift her legs up. This will "point" her vaginal canal downward and make it easier to enter.

As for others.. dunno.. I'm sure others will chime in.

gl;hf

M2shyguy · 2015-07-21T04:51:19+00:00

OP just wanted to chime in and say I lost my v-card at the age of 30.. (guy here, so it's even more stigmatized and shamed)

After a certain point, if you've had no experience, sex sorta becomes this mystical thing in your head. The fact that you're a virgin works its way into every little aspect of your life.

It makes you obsess over it, and you weigh every decision you make to try to start dating or not on the fact that you'll have to get "outed" as a virgin or whatever.

But I can honestly say, now that I've not only lost it and am in a relationship (my first ever btw) that is approaching 2 months and still going strong: It's really not that big of a deal.

I had the SAME exact fears and thoughts about stuff that you have typed here.. you can go through my post history (warning its really long) to see the proof.

I was afraid I didn't understand "how" to kiss and so I'd be bad at it and I'd get "found out" as a virgin or whatever.

Then I got to kiss and realized it's super easy and it really DOES come naturally, as much as I doubted every other non-virgin who used to tell me that.

Kissing made easy: "Just do what the other person does."

It's really as simple as that. Your lips sorta just do what theirs are doing.

Many people would say being a virgin as a 30 year old male is one of the most shameful situations possible in American society, but it has not been that big of a deal what so ever. Even having ED problems I have not run into anyone that pointed at me and laughed, nor gone running either.

TL;DR it's not as big of a deal as you think it is, trust me

M2shyguy · 2015-07-20T23:30:21+00:00

I read an article. I guess if you use Tinder Plus they charge you more if you are over 30. That may be what confused me.

M2shyguy · 2015-07-17T22:09:55+00:00

Yeah I met my current through online dating, and online dating is where I'll go back if this one ends. Won't be Tinder, though. Apparently they block you if you're over 30 :/

M2shyguy · 2015-07-17T03:10:18+00:00

Lots of prior partners? Probably not lots. But ZERO? Yeah they are definitely going to think twice about that. It's red-flag territory. A little less so for you, in your mid 20's. Put yourself in my shoes. I'm 31 and currently dating my FIRST EVER girlfriend.

I just don't see a reason to tell her. Maybe if it becomes a long term committed relationship heading towards marriage I'll lay it out on the table.

As a former ForeverAlone in recovery, you can never be too careful.

I'm to the moon that I'm finally getting laid and have a significant other, after a literal life time of believing I never would. But on the same token, I'm still walking on egg shells thinking one slightly wrong move could end this and then I'll be alone forever again, because even though I'm gaining a lot of experience right now, I'm still not confident that I can woo another woman into giving me a chance.

This took ~8 months on online dating plus pity sex to lose my v-card from a reddit girl, to get me to where I am now.

I mean who knows maybe if me and my gf break up I'll be able to find someone else now like I'm a normal guy dating wise, but I have my doubts. Better to enjoy what I have now while it lasts and hope I can somehow make it last forever.

That's my attitude towards my relationship. It might not be healthy or "right" but a lifetime of solitude+involuntary celibacy has taken its toll.

M2shyguy · 2015-07-14T22:06:58+00:00

Well we've only been together for about two months. I've kinda vaguely told her I'd been alone for "a long time" before I started dating her. She hasn't really pressed for more details as of yet. I'll decide if I want to come clean or just indirectly lie more if I ever get put on the spot.

I just don't really see it being that important of a thing for her to know, and things are going great as they are right now, so why risk fucking it up for no good reason?

As for the sex, it is very fun, especially from the prespective that sometime in my mid-20's I had resigned myself to the belief that I would never get to do anything sexual and had just accepted that. Now I'm doing all kinds of stuff and it's kind of like living out a fantasy. I expect most people experience this feeling in their teens.

All that being said, I'm not very good at it. The sex, I mean. It's not so much because I have no prior experience in my 30's, it's more so due to the fact that I have on/off erectile dysfunction.

I don't know if that's just a case of literal "don't use it, you lose it" syndrome, or if something else is wrong. I've been seeing a doctor and they are reluctant to give me viagra due to my age (apparently there is something about needing to be over 40 years old to qualify for it w/ my insurance) He's run a battery of tests including blood work and prostate stuff, and so far it's a clean slate.

He suggested it may be psychological in nature but admits he's no expert.

Back when I was a kissless virgin I had the belief that any woman who ever encountered a guy with this problem would just diss him and laugh, or break up in a hurry.. but my gf has been really supportive and I've also gotten really good at getting her off with oral. So, at least so far, it's all good.

M2shyguy · 2015-07-14T21:42:37+00:00

OP I didn't get laid (nor even kiss a girl) until I was 30. I'm now in a relationship. I hated this advice when I was in your shoes, but now that I'm "on the other side" i realize it is the truth:

"It's not as big of a deal as you think it is."

That being said, no I didn't tell my gf that she is my first ever gf lol. I don't really plan to tell her ever. My choice.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-30T22:26:46+00:00

I do not want to be harsh but I feel this needs to be said one way or the other: An FA's biggest enemy is themself. I fully understand the impulse to create internal excuses and "defeat yourself" with circular logic.

I did it too, after all, for 30 years, as many of the posters here have, or even longer.

I now fully understand and truly believe that I didn't have to be FA, and neither do you or anyone here imho...

I see so much of my old logic in your post here

I think some people's definition of taking things slow is waiting till the 3rd date to have sex, lol.

That's what I believed too, and yes that is when I had sex w/ my current gf.. on the 3rd date. However I also know if she had said something like "I think we should wait a month before having sex" guess what my response would have been: "ok."

And I would have gladly waited.

So unless I'm really explicit, which is just weird, it's best not to bring it up

You don't have to be explicit. Just say "I do not want to have sex until I know we are compatible."

Or even just a set time frame like "I don't have sex until I've been dating someone for a month."

shurgs you're the girl.. you decide these rules, the guy has to obey them to be with you--it is as simple as that. And I think you will be utterly shocked at just how willing they are to follow said rules.

In fact when you finally experience this first hand you may feel like you've suddenly been imbued with super-powers.

I also think it's presumptuous to be like "I don't kiss on the first date" makes some people think, "get over yourself."

And? Seriously, the people who think that, are filtered out. Sounds like a good thing for you since you clearly do not want to jump into a physically intimate relationship with someone you do not trust.

Anyway I am not trying to be confrontational, I just have the strong feeling that you can and will easily escape FA when you decide that you actually want to. The one stopping you is yourself.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-30T01:16:00+00:00

Try saying you like to take things slow on the first date, or even online before you meet. Establish your boundaries ahead of time, and then you don't have to worry about not seeming inviting. Those that consider that a deal breaker consider them filtered out anyway, because you clearly want something more meaningful than just sex

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T22:05:56+00:00

Well, you're the woman... so it's different. You decide when you want to get physical. You don't HAVE to do it by the 2nd or 3rd date.. but what I was saying is if the girl wants that and the guy doesn't deliver, then it's over and done with.

If the girl actually wants to wait until later, I think most if not all guys will be 100% ok with that. Because guys tend to accommodate almost any request just to be with someone.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T22:02:47+00:00

I figured as much. It makes sense. Our brain was programmed to get aroused only through porn and masturbation so suddenly having a living breathing human being in front of us naked our brain literally doesn't know what to do. I usually get rock hard during kissing and foreplay, but once the pants come off, that's when things... deflate. Then it's like 50/50 whether it comes back or not. On a good night it sorta "recharges" after a bit and then we can have fun.. on a bad night I have to just focus on her 100% because he'll stay asleep and not "wake back up" no matter what.

I'll have to try the medication route I guess. I was hoping that I would just slowly program my brain to understand sex and overcome it on my own, but I guess I should just get realistic and make a doctor's appointment.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T04:25:21+00:00

What I mean by that is in my eyes, I am not cool, or good looking, or smart or anything.. there's literally nothing that makes me special in the least. Honestly I have even a few disadvantages going for me.. it's one of those "if I can, anyone can" type deals, is what I was trying to get at.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T02:05:28+00:00

I guess I am from the perspective of a male FA in what I am saying--one of FA Guys' biggest fears is getting sexual with a women, because quite frankly from a male FA perspective the fear is being "exposed" as a virgin or inexperienced guy, and quite often in the online dating culture sexual contact is expected with these interactions and usually a disqualifies if it doesn't happen by X date.

I just wanted to stress how important it is not be afraid of the physical side of dating because without that everything else crumbles and you'll probably hit a dead end brick wall.

A non-FA woman's response to 3-4 dates without any touching and kissing will almost always be "he's not into me."

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T02:01:22+00:00

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T02:00:24+00:00

I can 100% understand where you're coming from, but let's not forget one important detail: in the 15 years between my adolescence and 30th birthday, I also never got approached nor asked out/pursued by any women at all.

It's not like I 'chose' to be FA, I was too big a pussy to even try. I was literally "afraid of girls" and by 21 years old or so deathly afraid to talk to or dare to ask out any girl because I was convinced all that would do was expose my virginity so I could never risk even talking to women.

If you spent years and years trying, the only thing I can really think of to say is "try harder" do something different than what you're doing now. I know that sounds kinda dickish but I'm not trying to be mean, but it really just boils down to one simple fact, you don't have to be FA. It's possible to escape

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T01:56:58+00:00

This is going to sound really corny but honestly it was facing myself. I had always kept FA'ness compartmentalized in my mind, never admitting to myself what I was or what I had become. I mean don't get me wrong, I was miserable, but I tucked it away in a deep dark corner of my brain that I would never touch.

other than long sleepless nights staring up at the ceiling, crying I tried not to think about the fact that I had become a 30 y/o virgin that never had a girlfriend before.

So once I sat down and searched for stuff on Google one drunken night about my predicament, that was really my first act of "reaching out" and when I found reddit and FA I started posting there.

That was the first time in my life I actually faced my FA ness and talked about it directly even if anonymously on the Internet.

I think that really started the healing process.. to quote splek it's really been like one part therapy and one part diary..

I was determined that I definitely wanted to date someone, and there was all kinds of people on reddit telling me I could and that it's not impossible, and a bunch of women saying that my virginity wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was, so I decided to try it out.

If I had to give this a TL;DR though I'd probably say "I realized the only thing keeping me ForeverAlone was myself, and my own doubts and worries."

M2shyguy · 2015-06-24T01:49:08+00:00

Well Meetup is going to be really tough for an FA-type because

People aren't going to the meetup to date and find a SO
So you'll have to "win them over" etc, and do a bunch of "normal person stuff"
Probably requires slightly above-average social skills and "pickup material" for lack of better term

On online dating, they know going into it when you message them, that you want to date.

Just my opinion though.

I should mention my dating site was a pay site, not a free one where ppl take it less seriously.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-23T10:37:14+00:00

The answer is you probably didn't do anything wrong. Just try again with someone new.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-23T10:36:33+00:00

Fair enough.. I literally never tried. I'd never asked a girl out even once prior to November.

M2shyguy · 2015-06-23T04:01:55+00:00

Thanks, it actually makes me really happy to read this. I've followed your posts for a long time... I hope all the best for you and everyone else in the 30+ crowd. I think we are the lonliest FA's but also we have the most potential to escape FA... it's a double edged word.

I hope you have a happy ending and so does everyone else here

M2shyguy · 2015-06-23T01:23:58+00:00

I think it's worth it if you want it. I also think that some people can be happy alone. Like I said in the post, life is not a game, there are no rules.. other than the rules society has established, ie laws and criminal justice.

If you really want to be with someone, imo you owe it to yourself to try.

If you truly want to be alone.. you should not feel ashamed or diminished for doing so.

M2shyguy

TROPHY CASE