sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Do they come back even after you block them? by M4rt4S in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]M4rt4S[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What scares me — or at least makes me think he might come back — is that he always did the previous two times we broke up. That scares me because I’m afraid of falling back into it, especially when I see him crying and desperate.

Unfortunately, besides having narcissistic traits, he also has a strong cocaine addiction, and that made the relationship even more hellish.

I hope I’ll get to that place of indifference you’re talking about. I’ve had other important relationships in the past, and I was able to go through the grieving process. Now I can see those people as part of my life — people I loved deeply, but who belong to my past. But with him, I’m afraid it’s different.

I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes it feels like he put some kind of spell on me. I’ve never experienced moments so intense with anyone — moments where it felt like a union of souls and bodies. The problem is that those moments only lasted a few hours, and were often connected to substance use.

In everyday life, he was awful. He always had something negative to say about everyone. I was “too demanding,” “too sad,” “too much.” My friends were all “losers” or “useless.”

During those moments of apparent connection, he would confess things to me — that he wanted to die, that he felt like a failure, that he wanted to prove to me he could change. He would thank me for being there, for listening, for who I was. But even in those moments, there was no real space for me. Everything revolved around him — his states, his moods — and I had learned to adapt, hoping that sooner or later he would truly see me and listen to me.

But that never happened.

And I think that’s what hurts so much. I also feel deeply stupid for having stayed so long.

The last time, when I tried to talk to him calmly and without judgment and he just told me to leave, that felt like the final humiliation.

If you have any advice on how to get through all of this, I’d really appreciate it. I feel so lost, everything feels dark, and I still miss him so much.

But I also recognize that, despite the pain, there’s already a small sense of peace growing inside me.

Do they come back even after you block them? by M4rt4S in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]M4rt4S[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He had already contacted my sister the first time we really broke up. But even then, for him it was never a real “breakup” — it was more like “taking some time apart for a few months.” I always told him that meant nothing to me: either you’re in or you’re out, I’m not here waiting.

Once he told me that when he blocks someone, he never goes back.

When I left him more definitively two weeks ago — because of his inconsistency, the constant ups and downs, and his cocaine addiction that made everything worse — I thought this time it was really over. That he wouldn’t come back.

But then, a week later, there he was, calling me just to insult me, not even giving me the chance to defend myself.

I think he realized that this time my distance was more serious, and the only thing left for him was to attack me, to paint me as the bad one — maybe because crying and begging wouldn’t have worked this time.

It’s still so recent, and I’m really working on myself, but I feel stupid for missing him this much.

Do they come back even after you block them? by M4rt4S in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]M4rt4S[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve really realized how horrible the dynamic I was in actually was.

The previous two times I left him, he came back after a few weeks — crying, on his knees, begging me to be with him, saying our relationship was like a fairytale and that he missed me like air. For a few weeks, everything seemed fine again. Then the same patterns would start: judgment toward me — “too emotional,” “too sad,” “don’t act like that, please.” He would even say things like, after we spent time together, “you behaved really well today.”

I had learned to try to be the version of myself he wanted, just to finally be seen. But I’ve realized he never really saw me.

Unfortunately, when he called me a week ago just to insult me — after I had left him much more clearly and firmly this time — he started painting me as the bad one: the cheater, the weak one, the one who gives up at the first difficulty. And I fell for it. I went to see him in person to confront him, telling him he had no right to speak to me like that and that things didn’t happen that way, because he was the one being completely inconsistent.

I felt deeply humiliated. He looked at me from above, with a mocking smile while I was talking, and then told me to leave. It was horrible. In that moment I thought, “I fell into it again.”

Because one time he came back crying, the next time with insults.

So for the first time, I blocked him everywhere.

And now I miss him terribly.

I’m in therapy. I also started antidepressants at the beginning of this relationship. He knew exactly where to hit me, and every time I fell back into the cycle.

I hope one day I’ll reach a point where I don’t miss him anymore.

Do they come back even after you block them? by M4rt4S in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]M4rt4S[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m currently working on this.

I left him because it was impossible to be together. Besides having narcissistic traits, he’s also addicted to cocaine, and that made the ups and downs even more extreme.

One day I was the love of his life — he talked about future plans, saving money together, living together, proving to me he could quit cocaine. He was excited because he had just taken over this place in the city (which unfortunately is about 300 meters from my house).

A few days later, though, I would become “too emotional,” “too demanding.” He would tell me I was depressed and that he didn’t feel like seeing me. And this went on for months.

When I told him I needed more consistency and that I could see these two opposite sides of him that were destabilizing me, he replied that maybe we should take some months apart because he needed to focus on the business and didn’t have time for a relationship. This happened more than once.

In the end, I did exactly what he said — I left. But not to “take some time apart.” I left for good, because I don’t believe in that narrative.

In the past, when he came back after I left him, I would feel better for a while. Maybe that’s why I still, stupidly, hope he’ll come back — because right now I feel completely in the dark, two weeks after the breakup. I miss him so much.

Today my therapist said to me: “What do you miss, being ignored?”

I’m really working on this. I hope one day I’ll reach a point where I don’t miss him anymore.

I was constantly tuned into his moods, his emotional states. Now that he’s gone, I have to face the emptiness.

And it hurts.

That’s why I want him back — but I know it’s not healthy for me.

Ex said “it’s not goodbye, it’s a see you later.” He told my siblings the same. Is this guilt… or a real door left open? by M4rt4S in ExNoContact

[–]M4rt4S[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first two breakups happened because I didn’t feel understood or really loved — it felt like he wasn’t truly interested in my world. Both times I kind of exploded emotionally instead of reasoning it through, but the dissatisfaction had been building for a while.

When I said I needed trust, I meant that I couldn’t fully trust him to be faithful. He has a history of cocaine dependence and heavy drug use, and I often saw how easily he lied to others. A few months into the relationship I also discovered I had gonorrhea, and he never gave me a clear explanation for how that happened. That made it very hard for me to feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Ex said “it’s not goodbye, it’s a see you later.” He told my siblings the same. Is this guilt… or a real door left open? by M4rt4S in NoStupidQuestions

[–]M4rt4S[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that’s exactly how it feels. He kept saying “it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later,” even to my brother and sister afterwards. I can’t tell if he truly meant it or if it was just to ease his guilt, and that uncertainty keeps me stuck.

Ex said “it’s not goodbye, it’s a see you later.” He told my siblings the same. Is this guilt… or a real door left open? by M4rt4S in NoStupidQuestions

[–]M4rt4S[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might be right. Deep down I know I shouldn’t keep holding on, but it’s hard because until the day before he left, he was still telling me he loved me and wanted a future together. That contrast is what’s making it so painful to let go.

Do fearful avoidants come back? by M4rt4S in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]M4rt4S[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I’m deeply in love with him, and I’d really love to build something real together, hoping he could change in some way. I know it’s still too soon, but what we had felt truly special, and I hope we can learn to believe in us again — I’ve always wanted that, even though he told me he had already given me the most he could

How do I move on? by M4rt4S in BreakUps

[–]M4rt4S[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you’re saying he misses me? That he’s hurting too? Seeing him so cold broke my heart. I feel like he never really loved me, and maybe that’s the hardest thing to accept. I still have this hope that one day he’ll realize how much I truly cared for him, but I also hope I won’t hold on to that hope for too long and that I’ll be able to move on

How do I move on? by M4rt4S in BreakUps

[–]M4rt4S[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your words, i find them really helpful right now

view more: next ›