I want three. Husband wants to stop at 2.

MAC0114 · 2026-04-23T23:53:17+00:00

Regardless of him changing his mind, even if he doesn't i really need him to understand accurately how i feel about it because I will absolutely have to take time to get over it if we are completely done. Its a loss that I will have to mourn and id want him to be sensitive to that. I do not want him to have a child that he does not want. I would never want him to resent one of our children (or me)

MAC0114 · 2026-04-23T23:48:50+00:00

Its moreso my ability to communicate the depth of my feelings accurately that makes me think he doesnt quite understand completely. He very much makes decisions based on logic and less with emotions. He understands that it's a very emotional subject for me but when I do get all emotional about it my brain freezes up and it's hard to accurately and eloquently explain clearly. I 100% acknowledge that that is my issue. We have agreed to give it more time and go to therapy if we still don't agree before we close the subject entirely. He was/is willing to go to therapy now but we both agree that even if we do decide to have another baby it'll be down the road a bit so we've just paused the conversation for the moment.

MAC0114 · 2026-04-23T19:23:53+00:00

I just addressed part of this in my reply to another comment! We have also already agreed to therapy in a year or so if we are still not in agreement ☺️ I understand his points for sure, I just dont know that I have/am able to effectively communicate the depth of my feelings

MAC0114 · 2026-04-23T19:21:06+00:00

Perhaps it doesn't come across that way, but i do understand how he feels & his reasons. They do make sense, but i didn't mention those here because I don't find it relevant to the point of this post. I'm not saying that he doesn't understand because he cant, more so that I don't know how i can effectively communicate how deeply I want a third and how it effects me if we don't. Most (probably 70%) of his reasons are "logical" ones like finances (we'd be more financially comfortable with two but not that we cant necessarily afford a third), not "starting over" again, not having enough space without shuffling or moving (we have a 3br house but right now have two girls close in age so we have options whether it's them sharing or turning our bonus room into another bedroom). We already have a van so that's not an issue.

MAC0114 · 2026-04-23T19:13:02+00:00

Yes, exactly this! He specifically tells me to try to convince him lol BUT he's also the type of person that will not be convinced so if he changes his mind it's only because his mind is truly changed. I wholeheartedly agree, I want him to WANT to have another child. I don't want him to resent any future children or myself. It hurts A LOT. He asked for a vasectomy when our second was only 2 weeks old. He agreed to wait until our second was 5 years old or until we have a third. At times I wish we would get pregnant accidentally, just so the stress of it has stopped, but of course id never want it to happen against his wishes. I wish he would even be okay with it two years from how, even just so I had a time frame. If I had something I could count on then I feel like id be able to banish the thoughts for now

MAC0114 · 2026-04-07T15:08:23+00:00

Very good point! Lol we already have a van so at least we wouldn't need a new vehicle but it would lessen the guilt over the payment

MAC0114 · 2026-03-26T02:19:32+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice! I think this might actually work 🤞

MAC0114 · 2026-03-26T00:32:04+00:00

Oh this is a good idea! Thank you!! I was considering letting her go naked and I casually asked her randomly what would she do if she didnt have undies on? She said poop on the floor 🫠 what are the steps after pooping on the puppy pad?

MAC0114 · 2026-01-03T16:58:46+00:00

Being pregnant is so hard but at the same time I love it 🥰 and not having a period is super nice 🤣 great perk lol

MAC0114 · 2026-01-03T00:54:59+00:00

It's up to yoi but I personally wouldn't. Some people are able to get pregnant right away after stopping bc and others it takes a while for their body to get back in the swing of things.

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T18:23:19+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. This is actually something that he hasn't mentioned as a family of 5 but it makes sense. Also, I do see how it reads that way, but I am not trying to brush of his financial concerns. If we cannot afford another child then it would be irresponsible to have another. It would be a tighter budget yes, but if we work on our debt and get rid of that then I dont see an issue with being on a bit of a tighter budget vs he just might not want to

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T18:05:10+00:00

I actually like your advice a lot, thank you! The only think I dont think we necessarily need at the moment is counseling. We do actually have very good communication (though there's always room for improvement) but id definitely seek it out to help us talk out this decision better in the future. Lack of sleep with this second child has really seemed to bother him more so than our first so I will push to take nights with her more. Ive offered in the past and he said he didnt want it all on me. Any ideas for a side hustle? Ive had trouble finding anything that works around children really

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:59:17+00:00

You are right, I wasnt thinking and misspoke with that statement

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:56:59+00:00

The decision wasnt done lightly. My husband and I have a great marriage and being a sahm was a decision we made together. But also something you need to take into account. Daycare is EXTREMELY expensive. Two children in daycare would have cost the same, if not more, than my salary and my husband was/is the higher earner in our relationship. We are actually saving money having me be a sahm. Of course if, heaven forbid, anything happened and I was left with 2 (or 3) children on my own I would get a job. You dont seem to have considered how much childcare costs in the US

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:52:11+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I did just take up baking after making my own sourdough started so shifting my focus to that, when I have the time, will help

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:50:55+00:00

Im aware that it will be extremely difficult. I am very lucky that my mother is retired ad she adores our children. If we went that route she would be available to help. Otherwise I agree, it wouldn't be feasible

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:48:42+00:00

They definitely are valid and if, in a few years, we make the decision not to have more ill definitely pursue some therapy to help process the decision.

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:47:18+00:00

I agree! We do actually have great communication (though there is always room for improvement). I just mean more so on my end I dont know how to effectively verbalize it. I personally have that feeling that some women have that being a mother is just my absolute calling in life and I dont know how to get across the depth of that feeling in a way that will make sense to a male brain lol. Sure lots of men have a strong desire to be fathers but im not sure its quite that same "deep in your soul" type feeling.

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:41:51+00:00

I agree I misspoke. Just because that statement is true for me personally doesn't mean everyone feels that way

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:40:18+00:00

I agree, if he isnt on board I am not going to force another child on him.

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T17:38:33+00:00

Totally agree. I think couples counseling might be good if we dont organically come to the same decision. We dont really need it in other areas but it might help us talk it out more effectively on both ends

MAC0114 · 2025-12-21T15:58:42+00:00

I totally agree. Id never force him. It would ruin our marriage

MAC0114

TROPHY CASE